


The man who stroked the cat

by NoMoreBeer4U



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Angst, Drama, Drugs, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Memory Alteration, Romance, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-25
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-15 05:27:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 53,022
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29679111
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NoMoreBeer4U/pseuds/NoMoreBeer4U
Summary: Daniel wakes up in the wrong place, with the wrong people around. Is there any escape to his apparent insanity?
Relationships: Daniel Jackson/Jack O'Neill
Comments: 11
Kudos: 17





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: The usual, they aren't mine, I just play with them, I don't do money with this...
> 
> This story takes place during season 5, some months after "Summit". It contains some scenes of violence and torture, nothing too graphic, and also a lot of love and hugs. This is NOT a dark fic.

“Once upon a time, I dreamt I was a butterfly, fluttering hither and thither, to all intents and purposes a butterfly.

I was conscious only of my happiness as a butterfly, unaware that I was myself. Soon I awaked, and there I was, veritably myself again. Now I do not know whether I was then a man dreaming I was a butterfly, or whether I am now a butterfly, dreaming I am a man.”

Zhuangzi, 

***

_Pain. The only existing thing was the pain. Raw, paralyzing pain coursing through his entire body. Hitting every nerve. Ripping every cell. From the top of his head, running through his innards till the tip of his toes. He heard someone screaming and begged him to stop because hearing the screams only made the pain worse. When the screams didn’t stop, he realized they were coming from himself. So the pain and the screams went on. And then, after the pain, the relief of darkness, only to wake up and start all over again._

_***_

He knew something was wrong the moment he woke up. His curled-up body was lying on something soft. A mattress? The infirmary? That wouldn’t be rare, considering the fact that the last thing he remembered was being under attack on P5R… something. But no. If he were at the infirmary, he wouldn’t be lying curled up like that. Besides, the typical noises were missing. No beeps, no people moving around. The smell wasn’t right, either. It smelled clean, but it wasn’t the characteristic smell of antiseptic.

The memory of a dream where the only existing thing was pain, faded away until it became nothing. He opened his eyes slowly and a white wall greeted him. He tried to sit up, but a wave of dizziness hit him and he fell face-first on the pillow again. He squeezed his eyes shut, took several deep breaths, and tried it again, very slowly this time. He felt lightheaded and couldn’t think clearly. His eyes opened the moment he put his bare feet on the floor. The room was spinning, and it was difficult to focus. He realized he was wearing white scrubs. So a hospital after all?

He scanned the room. It was quite small, just enough to contain a single bed, a nightstand, a small round table, and a couple of plastic chairs. An open door in one wall led to a tiny bathroom. It didn’t look like a typical hospital room. It reminded him of a cell, although a very white, spotless one. A white door was on the wall opposite him, and a window was next to the bed, at the opposite side of the nightstand. He stood up, wobbled towards the window, and looked outside. Bars. Definitely not a regular hospital. He saw a sort of grassy garden. Some people were walking around, others resting on benches, some just standing up and staring at nothing. They were all dressed in the same white scrubs. Some of them were wearing robes. On the nearest bench, a young man was stroking a cat.

He heard a noise at his back from him, and it startled him. He turned around at the time to see a young woman carrying a tray stepping into the room. She wore a short white coat, white skirt, and medical clogs. A nurse?

"Good morning, Mr. Miller? Time for your medicines,” she said with a smile. He looked at her in puzzlement. “Wha… what? Mi… Mi… Miller?” He shook his head to try the clear the cobwebs that were clouding his mind.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” she giggled, “I know you prefer I use your first name. So, David, how are you feeling today?”

He looked everywhere in the room, utterly confused. Was there someone else? Someone he hadn’t noticed before?

She left the tray on the small nightstand and looked at him in concern. “David? Is there something wrong? Do you need me to call Dr. Roberts?”

“What’s going on? Who are you?” he asked with fear in his voice. “Where am I? Where are my friends?” He pasted himself to the farthest corner, trying to put the maximum distance between them.

“You’re at Saint Edward’s, of course. I’m Rose, don’t you remember me?” she said nicely. “You’ve been with us for six months. Did you forget it again?”

“Saint… Saint Edward’s? What… what is this place?” he stammered, his anxiety and confusion increasing.

“Mr. Miller, David, you must take your medicines. You will feel much better,” she said, offering him a little plastic container and a wide smile.

“Stop calling me that,” he said, gasping. Definitely, something was very, very wrong. “My name is Daniel, Dr. Daniel Jackson. Where is Colonel O’Neill?”

“David, you need to calm down. You don’t want to be sedated again, right?” she said gently.

“I don’t want to calm down!” he shouted, on a brink of a panic attack. “I want to know what’s going on! Where are my friends? Jack! Sam! Teal’c!”

The nurse pressed a small red buzzer that was attached to the nightstand and in a few seconds two men, dressed in white pants and shirts, came into the room. They looked like medical orderlies.

“Page Dr. Roberts,” she ordered them. “And I need a little help here.”

One of the men left, and the other one approached Daniel. He tried to escape, but he was cornered fast. In a nimble movement, the orderly grabbed the archaeologist from behind. Daniel tried to fight, but he felt weak and dazed and the man was very hefty.

“Let go of me!” Daniel yelled in sheer panic. “Someone help me! Jack! Help! Heeeelp!!!

The nurse took something from her pocket. Daniel’s eyes widened in horror when he saw it was a syringe. His heart began to pound faster as she uncapped the needle and approached him. He struggled to free himself from the orderly's iron grip but to no avail.

“Let go of me!” he screamed. “Don’t give me that! No, nooooo, Jaaaack!!!” He was completely terrified. He couldn’t understand what was happening. The last thing he remembered was stepping through the gate with his lover and the rest of his teammates and come across a group of Jaffa. He had managed to sneak to the DHD and dial home. The next thing he remembered was waking up in the white room.

He panted as the nurse jabbed his upper arm with the needle. “No… n-n–n-o-o…” he sobbed, “I don’t understand… what’s… happening… Jack…” he called his lover one last time before everything went black.

***

“Ja… J'net?” he croaked.

“Stay still, David, you don’t want to give us trouble again, do you?” Came the calmed reply.

God. No. David? No, please, not again. He managed to open his eyes with some difficulty, only to find the same white room as before. No. Nononono. What was going on? Where was he? Where were his friends? Where was Jack? He tried to get up, but he couldn’t move his limbs. He looked at his body in confusion. Padded cuffs had been attached to the bed, and they restrained his wrists and ankles. Memories of other times filled his mind and a jolt of panic struck him. God, not that, not that again, please, not that! He struggled against the bonds, but they were gripping him, needless to mention the fact that he was feeling extremely weak.

“David, you need to calm down. I don’t want to have to sedate you again,” the unknown voice talked again.

Daniel turned his head to the source of the voice. Sitting on a chair next to him was a man in his late fifties, with gray hair and a gray beard. He wore horn-rimmed glasses and a white coat. Daniel’s own lack of glasses made it difficult to focus, but he squinted his eyes and managed to read the name on the tag attached to the man’s white coat. “Dr. Matthew Roberts.” Roberts. That was the name the nurse had mentioned before. So nothing of that had been a dream. Daniel closed his eyes and took deep breaths. There had to be an explanation for all this. There had to…

“David, “Dr. Roberts interrupted his thoughts. “Nurse Rose said you got agitated this morning. Can you tell me what happened?” The man’s tone was quiet and inviting.

Daniel looked at him, bewildered. “My name is not David, my name is Daniel, Dr. Daniel Jackson. I… I don’t understand what’s going on. What is this place? What am I doing here? Where are my friends?” He shook his head, trying to clear his mind, but it was like he had a thick, gray cloud stuffed in his brain.

Dr. Roberts leaned forward and clasped his hands. He began to talk slowly, making sure that his patient could understand him.

“We’ve been through this many times and yet looks like you need it again. Your name is Miller, David Miller. You aren’t a doctor. You’re a linguist. You teach languages at the Languages institute here, in Chicago.”

Daniel’s heart raced. What was that man talking about? This had to be some trick, some sort of Goa’uld hoax, like that time with Hathor, when he woke up thinking he was in the future and all his friends were dead. Or maybe that man was NID, using some of their dirty tricks. Or maybe he just had landed on an alternate reality. That would explain a lot. Although he didn’t remember seeing any quantum mirror on that planet. The doctor went on talking.

“You are at St. Edward’s psychiatric hospital.”

The statement hit Daniel like a bucket of cold water. “Wha-what? M-m-mental hospital?”

“You’ve been with us for six months now,” the doctor explained.

Daniel shook his head in denial. “N-n-n-no… no…” His fuzzy mind jumped to two years earlier when he was committed because of the Machello’s bugs incident. It had been one of the most terrifying experiences of his life. The mere idea of going through that again knotted his stomach painfully. He felt sick. “This can’t b-b-be, I don’t know what’s ha-ha-happening, b-b-but I’m not cr-cr-crazy, I’m not, I’m not.” He continued negating with his head vehemently.

“David, you are very sick. They committed you after you attacked your wife.”

“Wha… wha…?” Daniel stared at the older man in utter disbelief. “Sha… Sha’re is de… dead,” he stammered.

“Sha’re? Yes, you mentioned that name before. But no, I’m talking about your wife, Sarah.

“What? What?” Daniel’s heart rate increased, and he started to pant again. What was that man talking about?

“Years ago, as a result of a traumatic incident, you began to suffer episodes of Dissociative amnesia, which developed into a severe Dissociative identity disorder. Your condition worsened as you began to show symptoms of schizophrenia; delirium, hallucinations… The result was that you adopted in your mind the figure of Dr. Daniel Jackson, an archaeologist, and adventurer who fight aliens across the universe.”

Daniel moved his mouth like a drowning fish. His eyes were wide open in fear. What that man was saying didn’t have any sense. As far as he knew, he was born Daniel Jackson. He couldn’t have imagined all his life, could he?

“You had sporadic episodes since you were a kid, but within the years, this… Daniel Jackson's personality gained ground until a few months ago it took over your real self completely. You forgot all your memories of your real life. You attacked your wife with a knife, claiming that she was possessed by a parasitical alien called, mmm… Osiris, I think you called it. Fortunately, she managed to escape unharmed and called the police. You should be grateful that she didn’t present charges.”

Daniel kept shaking his head. This couldn’t be possible. This couldn’t be happening. He couldn’t have imagined everything all along. The Goa’uld were real. Osiris had possessed his friend Sarah over one year ago. He couldn’t just have imagined it.

“My… my friends,” he babbled. “Jack O’Neill, Samantha Carter, Teal’c…”

“They don’t exist, David, we’ve talked about this many times before,” Dr. Roberts assured him. “They are figments of your imagination as well. There isn’t any Johnatan O’Neill nor any Samantha Carter in the Air Force, and there isn’t any register on Earth about someone called… Teal’c. You created them in your mind. Neither exists an alien device called. What was the name… Stargate?

“But, but they do,” Daniel claimed with despair. The feeling of dread settled strongly in every cell of his body. “They are my teammates, we travel through the Stargate to other planets. I’m not crazy! Sarah isn’t my wife, Osiris took her! Is she around here? She is dangerous! We are all in great danger! Please, you have to believe me!”

“David, please, you need to calm down,” Dr. Roberts ordered. “You were doing well until now. I’m not sure what provoked this relapse. I will have to recheck your medication. But I assure you, you are David Miller, a teacher at the Languages Academy in Chicago, married to Sarah Miller.”

“No, no, no!” Daniel screamed in utter desperation. “I’m Daniel Jackson! I never married Sarah!” God, if what that man was saying was remotely true, that meant that Jack, his life, his soul mate, didn’t exist. Suddenly, he couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t conceive a world without Jack in it. He loved him more than life itself, he had to exist. “God, let-let me call to Che-Cheyenne mountain complex. I-I can prove it. I’m Daniel Jackson, I can prove it!” He panted as he struggled fiercely against the cuffs.

“David, calm down,” Dr. Roberts ordered firmly.

“I don’t want to calm down! I want my life back!!! Daniel shouted with sheer rage. “You have to release me! Let me go! God, Jack, help me! Jack, help me, help me!!!” His cries turned into bitter sobs of despair. He was terrified, lost in his confusion. If he wasn’t crazy, he was sure he was going to be soon. He sobbed loudly as thick tears spilled from his unfocused eyes. He choked on his own saliva and couldn’t find his voice anymore. Then he felt a prick on his upper arm and everything went black once more.

***

The next time he woke up, Daniel felt a warm hand holding his own. His eyes fluttered open, and he met the face of a bespectacled old woman. Her features were soft, and she kept the beauty that surely possessed in her youth. Her eyes were bright blue, a shade similar to his own. When she noticed he was awake, she gasped.

“Mike, Mike, he is awake!” she said with emotion.

Daniel heard steps, and an unfamiliar figure appeared at his bedside. He tried to move but quickly noticed he was still cuffed to the bed. The newcomer was a tall old man. A white mop of hair fell into his eyes, which were warm brown. He kind of reminded him of Jack.

“How are you feeling, son?” The man asked gently.

Daniel looked at him, bewildered. “So-so-son?” he stammered.

“Dr. Roberts said you woke up and got upset this morning,” the woman said. “He said the medicines aren’t working so well anymore.” Her eyes wetted, and she fought back tears.

“Who… who are you?” Daniel asked, completely puzzled.

“Oh, my God, Mike, he doesn’t recognize us,” she covered her mouth with her free hand and began to tremble and weep silently.

The man sat on the chair next to her and put a shaking hand on Daniel’s forearm. The younger man squirmed at the touch.

“David, we are Michael and Adele Miller, your parents, don’t you recognize us?” the man said with a sad smile.

Daniel’s face crumpled in anguish and shook his head. “N-n-n-no, my… my parents are de-de-dead.”

“Oh, my child,” the woman sobbed. “No, no, that was all in your head. We are alive and well. Don’t worry, we’ll help you through this. We love you, son, but you’re very sick.”

“My… my parents were Melbourne and Claire Jackson,” Daniel stated as firmly as he could in his dazed state. They died when I was eight. I don’t know who you are, but I will not fall in your tricks.”

“Oh, my child, my child,” Adele sobbed.

“Stop calling me that!” Daniel yelled out. “I don’t know who you think you are, but I’m not your child!”

“Maybe if he sees her?” Adele asked his husband hesitantly.

“Try to soothe him, I'll go get her,” Michael said as he dashed off the room.

“Don’t you remember the accident, son?” Adele asked sadly.

“What… what accident?” Daniel/David asked, knitting his eyebrows together. He was so confused. What those people were saying didn’t have any sense. Nevertheless, he had read about Dissociative identity disorder at college. They called it Multiple personality disorder back then. He knew people with this kind of affection had very vivid hallucinations. What if… what if it was true? What if his invented personality had suppressed the original one like Dr. Roberts assured? He knew it was possible, even so, no, no, he didn’t want to accept that. That only would mean that all his friends didn’t exist. God, Jack couldn’t be just a figment of his imagination. He couldn’t accept that. He felt his heart splitting into two to the mere thought. He wouldn’t survive a world without Jack. The colonel was his strength, his rock. Unshed tears gathered in his eyes. He swallowed, trying to contain them but to no avail. They began to roll along his cheeks and splashed silently on the mattress. His supposed mother reached out her trembling hand with caution and cupped his cheek and swept the tears away with her fingers. Daniel squeezed his eyes shut to the raw pain in his heart. Jack had been the only one doing this to him after his parents, the Jacksons, died. He pressed his lips together and his shoulders shook as he sobbed silent cries.

“Oh, David, David…” Adele wept with him while she stroked his cheek for comfort.

At that moment, the door opened and Michael stepped into the room, followed by someone else. They approached the bed and David’s father stepped aside to reveal the identity of the newcomer. All color drained of Daniel/David's face.

Sarah.

“Don’t come closer!” he warned with a broken voice.

“David, it’s me, Sarah, don’t you recognize me?”

“No, you’re not Sarah. A Goa’uld possessed her. You can’t fool me, you’re Osiris!”

Sarah's face was the picture of shock. She lost her balance and could have fallen if not for Michael that held her by the arm.

“Don’t touch her! She’s very dangerous. We need to contact the SGC!” Daniel/David yelled frantically.

“Oh, my God. Mom, dad, what happened to him? I thought he was getting better.” Deep concern was written all over Sarah’s face.

“So we thought, but he had a relapse this morning,” Adele explained between sobs.

“David, babe…” Sarah started. But her husband cut her harshly.

“Shut up!” Daniel/David shouted. “Shut up! You’re not her! You’re a parasite infesting her body!” His eyes searched for the older couple. “You have to believe me! She is dangerous! Get away from her!” He struggled furiously against the cuffs.

Sarah’s eyes widened in horror. She covered his mouth with her hand to suppress a sob and fled out of the room. Lost in his distress, Daniel/David didn’t even notice it. He went on fighting his restraints, crying out at the top of his lungs. He began to hit his head against the mattress in frustration.

“I need to call the SGC! I need to warn them! I need to talk to Jack O’Neill! Aaaaaghhhhh, aaaaagh!!! He growled in utter exasperation.

Suddenly he felt more voices around him, but he couldn’t identify them. And steps. Many steps. Movement surrounding him. Loud voices, loud steps, a lot of movement. And he went on screaming incoherently at the top of his lungs. Someone grabbed his head and immobilized it with what felt like some sort of band. Iron hands opened his mouth and put something inside. He tried to spit it, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t scream anymore. He struggled wildly, but several hands kept him in place. He felt something cold attached to his temples, and all of a sudden, the hands holding him disappeared, and raw, excruciating pain ripped his body from head to toe. He wide-opened his eyes and arched his back in an attempt to escape the agony, but the pain kept traveling to every one of his cells. It reminded him of the experience with Nem, the marine alien who looked for the fate of his lover, Omorocca. But this was worse. Much worse. He clenched his teeth tightly. Only the object in his mouth prevented him from splitting his tongue in two. Then the pain lost intensity, and he felt himself slumping on the mattress. He whimpered and panted for some seconds before a new wave of pain struck him. His entire body began to shake without control. Convulsion after convulsion hit him hard. Incapable to bear the pain, his mind shut down and he couldn’t think anymore. The only existing thing was the pain. Thick tears escaped the corners of his eyes and rolled down his face. After a few seconds of sheer agony, that felt like hours, blackness engulfed him. If it was because of the loss of consciousness or the fact he was dying, he couldn’t tell. He welcomed the blackness, and the pain stopped.

***

The moment Daniel/David woke up again, he just wished he had died. He could barely open his eyes. He felt dazed and sick and everything hurt. His mind couldn’t comprehend where he was. Through half-open eyes, he recognized the same white room. The impossibility to move told him he was still cuffed to the bed. The discomfort in his penis told him about a Foley catheter. He also noticed he had an IV attached to his arm. It didn’t look like he was going to be released anytime soon.

His mind wandered through the last hours' events. He couldn’t think clearly. What was happening to him? He wasn’t sure about anything anymore. He felt drifting between two worlds, and he couldn’t tell which one was real anymore. He opened his mouth but couldn’t find his voice. He felt a trickle of drool escaping his lips and rolling down his chin. Something, perhaps a tissue, brushed his chin and removed the trail of drool. He turned his head weakly to the origin of the movement. He fought to keep his eyes open, but they barely obeyed. Through his eyelashes, he could distinguish a figure sitting at his bedside.

“You must try to remember, David.” Daniel/David recognized Dr. Roberts' voice. “Daniel Jackson was the name of your best friend when you were a kid. You both were only sons, and according to your parents, you were inseparable. You went to the same classroom, played in the same baseball team… You were like brothers.”

Daniel/David shook his head weakly. “D… d… dn’t rem’mbr,” he slurred.” He tried to focus on the doctor, but his eyes kept closing every time.

“Daniel’s parents were archaeologists. They worked at the University here, in Chicago. When you were eight years old, Daniel accompanied his parents to New York. They had to supervise the setting up of an exhibition.”

Daniel/David closed his eyes to the realization of what was coming.

“There was an accident and the entire Jackson family died. Your parents say you were devastated. Just two months later, you and your parents suffered a serious car accident. Your parents were unharmed, but seatbelts weren’t common on back seats back then. The force of the impact threw you headfirst through the windshield.”

Daniel/David tried to comprehend what the doctor was saying. He didn’t have any memory of those events. The medication kept his body slack. Otherwise, he would be hyperventilating in full mode panic attack.

“You were in a coma for three months,” the older man continued. “The doctors didn’t think you were going to wake up, but against all odds, you did. You had to deal with an enormous amount of pain. You had to learn to walk and to speak again. You and your parents suffered a lot. We believe it was then that you started to take over the personality of Daniel. Both accidents happened in a too short period of time and you couldn’t cope with both tragedies. You recreated Daniel as a measure of comfort at your painful reality.”

“N-n-n-o… c’nt be… I would rem’mbr.” A new trickle of drool escaped the sick man’s mouth, and the doctor removed it gently with another tissue.

David/Daniels's befuddled mind kept trying to make sense of what the doctor was saying. The older man continued with his story.

“You had isolated episodes at first. I’ve been treating you for over twenty years, David. You mainly had a normal childhood, went to University, got married… You’ve been married to Sarah for five years now. You were on constant medication, but you were doing quite well. “

“Why… why c’nt I rem’mbr?” Daniel/David asked, anxiety commanding his voice.

“It’s something it can happen in your condition, David. Once the imaginary personality takes over, it can suppress the original one completely. I know it is very confusing, but it has a medical explanation.”

God, Daniel/David thought. There was something in the doctor’s speech that started to make sense. Was it possible he was right? Could he be David after all? If it all was true, then he wasn’t alone. He had parents and a wife that loved him. They had to be worried sick about him. But he didn’t feel anything about those people. On the other hand… Jack… god, the memory of Jack felt so real…

“Around a year ago, we don’t know why yet. The episodes increased in frequency and intensity,” Roberts continued. “You were convinced that an alien race, the Goa’uld I think you called them, were going to invade Earth. Six months ago you attacked your wife, claiming she was one of those Goa’uld. We had to commit you for everybody’s safety. You had forgotten everything about your real self, David Miller, a language teacher from Chicago. You kept claiming that you were Dr. Daniel Jackson, an archaeologist that fought aliens for a living. You were convinced that you worked for the Air Force and traveled regularly through an alien portal, Stargate, you called it, and you visited other planets.”

Daniel/David moved restlessly. He did, didn’t he? For six years now. He tried to remember some of his missions with SG-1, but all the memories were fuzzy.

“We tried a new medication, and we were having progress, the doctor explained. “I don’t know what provoked the relapse, but don’t worry. We have our best specialists working on your case. We’ll figure it out. I hope you will be able to recuperate your life soon.”

Daniel/David managed to open his eyes for a few seconds and looked at Roberts with pleading eyes. The doctor patted his arm gently. “David, just ask yourself: Which explanation has more sense? The fact that you are suffering a well-documented earthly mental disorder or the fact that a snake-like alien race is trying to domain the galaxy?

The doctor left the room, living Daniel/David’s confused mind dealing with the answer.

***

For the next two weeks, Daniel/David fell into a deep depression. For the first three days, he didn’t have any visits. Once a day, nurse Rose came in, gave him a full-body sponge bath, and coerced him to eat something. He refused, so the second day a new bag of fluids was attached to his IV. Obviously, the first bag contained the medication, because he didn’t get any injection and he was feeling constantly groggy. He felt lost between two worlds. One of them felt real to him, but everyone insisted on the fact that it only existed in his mind. The other one was supposed to be the real one, but he couldn’t remember anything of it. The first world contained war, pain, but also friendship and love. He longed for Jack terribly. The mere thought he didn’t exist cut his breath and made him feel like an iron fist was squeezing his heart. The pain was unbearable. The second world contained a safe life, a non-life-threatening job, a safe planet, parents who loved him, and an alive wife.

He felt permanently confused. The medication clouded his mind and couldn’t think clearly. Both worlds seemed possible, but yet only one of them was. He couldn’t stop thinking about Dr. Roberts' question. Most of the time his psyche couldn’t hold the picture and he released tears of pain, fear, and frustration. They mixed with the constant drooling and left his face and neck uncomfortably sticky.

On the third day, Adele and Michael came to visit him. Michael was nice, but a bit distant. Most of the time it seemed that he was at a loss with the younger man. Adele, however, was very tender with him. She liked to stroke his face and hair to soothe him, and he began to admit to himself that the touch felt nice. She told him stories about a happy childhood and youth that he didn’t remember. She told him about his friends, his former girlfriends, his achievements. It all sounded so “normal" that his doubts increased. Daniel/David tried to walk into her shoes for a moment. If he really was these people’s son, they must be suffering a lot with all this. The pain in Adele's expressive eyes looked genuine.

At the end of the first week, he was used to the daily visit of the old couple. The medication kept him doped the whole time, so he didn’t have more aggressive attacks. He allowed to be fed food, as long as the food came from Adele, Dr. Roberts ordered the removal of the Foley catheter, the IV, and the restrains.

At the end of the second week, he began to accept the possibility that Adele and Michael were his parents and he began to respond to the name of David.

***

David got into a daily routine. The two aids he met the first day came in every morning and carried him to the bathroom. Between the meds that kept him dopey and so many days strapped in bed, his legs had weakened and he couldn’t walk. Every time he tried to stand up, his knees buckled, and he had to hold on to something to avoid hitting the floor. The aids helped him to shower and shave and then they sat him on a wheelchair, usually facing the window. He was so weak that was no need to strap him to the chair. The now-familiar faces walked or rested in the grassy garden, and on the nearest bench, the young man stroked the cat.

Every day after that, nurse Rose came and brought him breakfast and his meds. He ate quietly and took his pills obediently.

Adele and Michael visited him every day. She continued telling him about his life, with the hope that he could get his memory back, but to no avail. He could only remember his life as a Jackson, the SGC, and his love for Jack. He still tried to refuse the memories that he didn’t think were his, but he felt so stoned the entire time that little by little his mind learned to accept his new truth. His only solace was the thought that if everything was true, then Sha're never existed, so he had never had to suffer her painful fate at the hands of the Goa'uld. Anyway, most of the days, he still cried at the realization of what he had lost. In those moments, Adele hugged him tightly and let him cry on her shoulder while she soothed him with gentle touches and loving words.

Two weeks later, he started to refer to Adele and Michael as mom and dad.

The next week, he began to accept visits from Sarah, although he still flinched when she got too close or tried to touch him.

Every day, the old couple accompanied him in his lunch, and then they left so he could take a long nap. Sarah stayed with him during the afternoons. She told him about their courtship, wedding, and life in common. David could remember some stories she told him, like a brief trip they did to Niagara Falls or a dinner they had once in a posh restaurant. The manager almost didn’t let him in because he was wearing a plaid shirt. They had laughed a lot that day. David smiled at the memory.

“It’s good to see your smile, David,” Sarah said as she reached out to hold his hand. His initial reaction was to move his hand away, but she held him in place and finally accepted the touch.

“Tell me about your memories,” she invited.

“Wh… why?” he slurred. “No-no-not re-real.”

“I just want to understand you, to know what’s in your mind.”

“We-we went out… for some-some… time, b’t you left-left me,” he stammered. A trickle of drool escaped his mouth, and she removed it gently with a tissue.

“Tell me about the Stargate,” she asked.

“W-w-w-why?”

“Well, it sounds thrilling. Tell me about it,” she smiled.

“I-I-I was in a te-te-team,” he explained.

“A team? You and who else? Did it have a name?” she insisted.

David squeezed his eyes shut. The memory of the SGC was too painful. He couldn’t understand why she insisted to ask about it.

“D’nt… d’nt wanna talk-talk about i-i-it,” he shook his head weakly.

“David, c’mon, it’s me, Sarah,” she stroked his hand and forearm. “I know you can’t remember, but we didn’t have secrets between us.”

“C’nt-can’t ta-ta-talk about it.” David felt a big lump growing in his throat. His feelings for Jack were still very much alive, and to think about the Stargate program hurt too much.

A tear escaped the corner of his eyes. Sarah leaned forward and brushed it with his lips. David flinched at the touch. Then Sarah cupped his face and stared at him lovingly.

“David, please, it’s me. I miss you. I miss my husband,” she said sadly. She moved closer and brushed his lips with hers. He tried to pull her away.

“N-n-n-no, n-no,” he pleaded.

“David, c’mon, it’s me, I love you, and although you can’t remember, you love me too. We have a strong marriage. We were planning on having kids. Please, I need you.” Sarah pouted and he couldn’t look away. She approached his lips again and took them in a gentle kiss. David felt too dazed to resist, and he let her take the lead. When she broke the kiss, she stroke his face gently.

“Baby, please, I just want to understand you, tell me about the Stargate.”

***

For the next weeks, every time Sarah came to visit David, she stroke him gently. They kissed, and she asked about the Stargate. He told her how he was recruited by Catherine Langford. He told her about their first mission to Abydos when he met Jack. It still hurt too much to talk about him. His memory had left a permanent ache in his heart. He told Sarah about Sha’re, how she was taken by Apophis, and how the Stargate program started. He spoke about SG-1 and their first travels through the gate.

“But David,” Sarah interrupted one of his explanations. “If you could open those wormholes to other planets, couldn’t also your enemies come through your Stargate?”

“We ha-ha-had a defense… defense… me-me-mechanism,” he explained.

“Oh, really?” Suddenly her eyes shone. “And what mechanism is that?”

David looked at her. He couldn’t explain it but he sensed something wasn’t right. He shook his head. Those damn cobwebs were permanently clouding his mind. Would he ever be able to think clearly again?

“Baby? About that defense mechanism?” Sarah smiled fondly.

He shook his head again. “I… I don’t feel so-so-so good,” he slurred. “I-I-I need to re-rest now.”

“Baby, are you ok?” Sarah asked in concern.

“A bit di-dizzy,” David said. “I think I’ve be-be-been up for too l-l-long.”

“Let’s take you to bed,” Sarah offered.

She helped David to stand up and held him by his waist. His knees buckled, but she held him upright. She half carried-half dragged him to the bed. He slumped on the mattress and curled up into a ball. Sarah tucked him in and kissed him on the forehead.

“Rest well, my love,” she said. “See you tomorrow.”

David fell into a restless sleep, with nightmares plagued with snakes and people with glowing eyes.

***

For the next days, Sarah continued playing the same game of seduction and asked David about his job at the SGC. Every time she asked about Earth’s defenses against the Goa’uld, and at that point, David’s body always rebelled. He couldn’t understand why this particular question had that effect on him, but every time she asked about it, his dizziness increased and he felt sick.

One day nurse Rose came and gave him a new cocktail of pills. “Dr. Roberts' orders,” she said. “Looks like your medication isn’t getting the expected results,” she shrugged.

David took the pills obediently.

An hour later, David’s parents came for their daily visit. The younger man was sitting in his wheelchair, facing the window. His hands were resting palms up on his lap and his head was bowed and slightly tilted to one side. He was rocking back and forward. Adele came closer and turned around the wheelchair to face his son. He didn’t react to her presence.

“David, oh, my child, what’s wrong?” She asked in concern as she grabbed his chin and lifted his head.

David’s eyes were more unfocused than usual, and drool was escaping freely from his mouth. Adele shook him slightly, but he didn’t react.

“Mike, something isn’t right,” she told her husband in alarm.

Michael approached his son and squeezed his shoulder. “David, David, hey!”

Adele patted his cheek gently until David finally looked at her with dull, dopey eyes. The man’s blue orbs had lost their brightness completely. “Mom,” he whispered, and his mouth drew a distorted smile. “Mom,” he repeated.

At that moment, Dr. Roberts came into the room.

“What’s the meaning of this?” Michael asked him angrily, pointing at the sick man.

“He wasn’t having any progress, we had to change his medication,” the doctor explained.

“So you turned him into a vegetable? How is he going to make progress like this?”

“He wasn’t cooperating. We needed to find an alternative way to approach him.” Roberts defended himself.

“He can barely talk!” David’s father accused. “How is he going to cooperate, huh?”

Adele kept trying to reach the younger man, but he looked completely doped. He couldn’t manage to keep his head upright. He kept smiling grotesquely as he repeated the same mantra over and over again. “Mom… dad… mom… dad… mom… dad…”

“Everything we tried until now didn’t work. We must keep him under control until we find a way to reach him,” the doctor insisted.

Michael grabbed him by his white coat. “If you have damaged him permanently, Sarah will never forgive you,” he threatened. Roberts swallowed. Michael let go of him and stormed out of the room.

***

In his new state of deep haze, David was almost catatonic. Adele managed to feed him with soup and mush, but he couldn’t take anything solid. The meals were a mechanical exercise. She brushed his lips with the spoon and he opened his mouth enough to take small mouthfuls each time. Since he could no longer swallow the pills, they began to medicate him with injections again. He barely moved his hands and head and only spoke to call his parents and answer some of their questions with no much more than monosyllables. Sarah came regularly too, although not every day. She tried to ask about the Stargate again and again, but although he acknowledged her presence, he didn’t answer any of her questions. David didn’t have problems in recognizing Rose or Dr. Roberts either, but he neither looked nor talked to them.

He spent most of the day in his wheelchair, rocking back and forward in a state of permanent stupor, staring at the grassy garden through the window. He watched the same people resting and walking, and on the nearest bench, as always, the man stroke the cat.

His mind floated constantly in a field of clouds. He was barely aware that he was in a hospital and he was very sick. He knew his name and the name of his parents and his wife. He could understand some things they told him, but he was no longer capable of developing complex thoughts. Mostly, his sluggish mind was like the one of a lethargic toddler. He still had his memories of his life as Daniel Jackson, but they didn’t feel real anymore. Besides, he couldn’t comprehend many of them. He felt like all his life had been nothing more than an unintelligible wacky dream. The only reality he knew now was the one provided by his parents and Sarah.

***

One morning, two months after David’s first memory of waking up in his room, an unknown face came in. He was a young man dressed like the medical orderlies. He was carrying a cat. He approached the sick man cautiously and kneeled in front of him. He smiled kindly.

“Hi,” he said nicely. “My name is Adam. This is Egeria. Would you like to hold her?”

Something awoke in David’s memory when he heard the cat’s name. For a fraction of a second, he thought he had remembered something, something important. But then the moment passed and lost the tiny connection. David looked at the cat. It was a beautiful animal, with long golden fur. Her bright green eyes looked back at him and she meowed softly. David smiled. Adam put the cat on the man’s lap. At the first moment, he wasn’t sure what to do, but then he lifted a hand cautiously and began to stroke the animal slowly. The cat purred and David’s smile widened. Adam moved the wheelchair so he could watch through the window.

He leaned forward and talk into David’s ear. “Just hold on a little longer, Dr. Jackson. They never gave up. They are coming for you.”

David’s altered mind couldn’t process the words. He just kept watching through the window. The green grass brightened under the sun, and the familiar faces walked and rested. And in the nearest bench, the young man stroked the cat.

A few minutes later Sarah arrived.

“David, baby, how are you doing today?” she asked cheerfully.

She stopped in his tracks when she saw the scene displayed before her eyes. His husband was in his wheelchair stroking a cat that was lying on his lap. Her eyes sparkled with anger.

“What is this animal doing here? Who gave it to you?” she said through clenched teeth.

David didn’t react to her. He just kept carding the feline’s long hair with his fingers, a goofy smile plastered on his face.

“David!” She yelled. “Where did you get that cat?!”

He leaned forward and talk into David’s ear. “Just hold on a little longer, Dr. Jackson. They never gave up. They are coming for you.”

David’s altered mind couldn’t process the words. He just kept watching through the window. The green grass brightened under the sun, and the familiar faces walked and rested. And on the nearest bench, the young man stroked the cat.

A few minutes later Sarah arrived.

“David, baby, how are you doing today?” she asked cheerfully.

She stopped in his tracks when she saw the scene displayed before her eyes. His husband was in his wheelchair stroking a cat that was lying on his lap. Her eyes sparkled with anger.

“What is this animal doing here? Who gave it to you?” she said through clenched teeth.

David didn’t react to her. He just kept carding the feline’s long hair with his fingers, a goofy smile plastered on his face.

“David!” She yelled. “Where did you get that cat?!”

David said nothing, he just kept focused on his task of stroking the animal.

“Give it to me!” Sarah ordered harshly.

“N-n-n-o… f-f-friend… cat fr’end,” David said as he pressed the cat possessively against his chest.

“I said, give it to me!” Sarah tried to catch the animal, but it stretched out a paw and scratched her hand.

“Damned beast!” she roared. The cat had left a visible scratch on the base of her thumb.

Before she could try it again, the cat jumped to the floor and fled away.

“C-c-cat!” David cried weakly. Instinctively, he tried to get up to pursue the animal, but his entire body failed and he fell flat on his face. He curled up into a ball on the marble and began to sob. “Cat fr'end… cat fr'end,” he repeated over and over again.

“I'm tired of this,” Sarah hissed. And he left the room, leaving a very confused and miserable David writhing on the floor.

He remained there, sobbing until exhaustion finally took over him and he fell asleep where he was lying. A couple of hours later, the two orderlies came into the room, grabbed David, and dropped him on his bed, where he landed sprawled on his back. Then they grabbed a syringe and injected its contains into his arm vein. David didn’t even stir. None of the men saw the cat that crawled into the room when they left. The animal climbed to David’s bed, lied on his chest, and purred happily.

***


	2. Chapter 2

“Unscheduled off-world activation, unscheduled off-world activation!”

The metallic voice sounded along the SGC corridors. Jack started to race at the first word. He climbed the stairs to the control room two at a time. When he arrived, Hammond was already next to Walter.

“What do we have, sergeant?” he asked hurriedly.

“It’s the Tok’ra signal, Sir.”

Jack’s heart skipped a beat. Please, please, please, let it be news from Daniel, he pleaded internally. Since his disappearance in their last mission two-and-a-half months ago, nobody had seen his lover nor death or alive. They had engaged in a battle with a group of Jaffa a few minutes after stepping through the Stargate, and he had ordered the immediate retreat. Daniel had managed to reach the DHD and activate the portal. Carter had gone through, but Jack was hit by a staff blast on his side. Only Teal’c's quick reaction had saved his life. He had carried him through the gate so he could have immediate medical attention. His wound had been severe. It had sent him to a coma for three weeks. After this time, he woke up only to know that his lover never made it through the gate. They had re-established contact with a MALP but they didn’t get any information. Nobody. No trace of Jaffas. There was no way to know if he had been killed or captured. The bureaucratic procedure obliged Hammond to declare the archaeologist MIA, but Jack didn’t give up. They contacted all their allies, but until now, nothing. Not a single clue. Jack got his full health clearance just a couple of days ago. He was ready to travel to hell to rescue his soul mate if necessary.

“Open the iris,” the General ordered.

Jack ran down the stairs towards the gateroom, followed close by his commanding officer. They entered the room at a time to see Jacob/Selmak stepping through the event horizon. He walked fast to greet his two friends. He suspected the intimate relationship that Jack shared with the archaeologist. He looked at him directly in the eyes.

“We’ve found him,” he said with a serious face. “But you’re not going to like it. He is a prisoner of Osiris.”

Jack’s blood froze in his veins, and his heart plummeted to the floor.

“Briefing room,” Hammond ordered.

***

Sitting around the large table in the briefing room were General Hammond, Jacob/Selmak, Jack, Sam, Teal’c, and Dr. Fraiser. The members of the SGC were eager to listen to the news from the Tok’ra.

“Yesterday, we received a communication of one of our spies at Osiris' fortress,” Jacob explained. “His name is Aal'ec and his host is Adam. They managed to infiltrate Osiris fortress almost one year ago and they’re posing as one of his servants. Aal’ec is one of our youngest incorporations, but he has already proved himself trustful and very brave.”

“Ok, enough of that guy’s resume. Where is Daniel?” Jack interrupted impatiently.

“Colonel,” Hammond warned.

Jack pressed his lips together, clenched his fists, and let Jacob continue with his story.

“Six months ago, Osiris came to the fortress visibly altered.”

“It was six months ago that you took Dr. Jackson on the covered mission to release the anti-Goa’uld poison in the summit,” Hammond pointed out.

“Yes, we believe it happened immediately after that,” Jacob confirmed. “Since that day, Osiris traveled through the Stargate many times, for many weeks. It was like he was looking for something or someone. Every time he came back, his mood was worse. He didn’t doubt to punish his servants severely for the smallest mistakes. He was fuming. Suddenly, around two-and-a-half months ago, there was a commotion. Osiris and one of his guards brought a prisoner through the gate.

“That's the time when Daniel disappeared,” Sam pointed out.

“Yes, now we have confirmed that it was him, although Aal'ec didn’t know it at that time.” Jacob stopped for a moment to gather the strength to continue his tale.

“Please, Jacob, continue,” Hammond invited.

“He was brutally tortured for a week. Aal'ec said he could hear the screams from every corner of the fortress. He believes…” the former general stopped for a moment and swallowed,” he believes Daniel was killed several times and revived with a sarcophagus.”

Sam covered his mouth with his hands. Teal’c’s stoic semblance hardened. Jack’s stomach knotted. He clenched his teeth harder, and he took all his self-control not to start yelling obscenities and hitting everything at hand.

“That son of a bitch,” he hissed, his eyes sparkling in anger.

“After a week, the screams eventually stopped. Aal'ec thought at first that whoever the prisoner was, he was dead for good. But then Osiris began to give a lot of orders around. He ordered to rebuild a small area in the fortress. Aal’ec helped in the works. They made it look like some sort of hospital room. For what he described, it looked like an Earthly design.”

“Accessing the memory of the host, Sarah Gardner, Osiris can gather extended knowledge about Earth’s settings,” Teal’c commented.

“Yes, looks like they didn’t skimp on details. One day, before they finished the works, Osiris made some of his servants dress in white pants and shirts and told them to stay in one of the gardens for a while. Some of them walked, others rested. Aal’ec said he just sat on one of the benches disposed on the place and stroked his cat.”

“Why would he do that?” Sam asked with a frown.

“I’m not sure,” Jacob said. “It seems that they were recorded, but we don’t know why."

“What the hell does all this have to do with Daniel?” Jack inquired harshly.

“Jack, if you let me, I’m trying to explain it,” the former General glared at him.

“Please, Jacob, go on,” Hammond invited, ignoring his subordinate outburst.

Also at that time, another character well known by the Tok’ra appeared on the scene. Zap’au.”

The members of the SGC looked at each other and shrugged.

“Sorry, doesn’t ring a bell,” Jack said.

“Zap’au is one of the disciples of Dyehuty, also known as Toth. He was the greatest alchemist of all time. He conducted many experiments during his existence. He developed the formula of the blood of Sokar.” Jacob explained.

“Did he?” Jack asked skeptically. “I mean, the blood of Sokar, as in, you know, his blood?”

“It isn’t really his blood. It’s a complex chemical formula. It’s just called *blood* because of its color and consistency.”

“So does what Osiris want of this… Zap’au?” Sam asked, getting more nervous at the second.

“Aal’ec found out that the prisoner was taken to the fake hospital room and locked there.”

“Those damned bastards.” Jack was getting more altered by the minute. Jacob proceeded with his story.

“Just a couple of days ago, Aal’ec eavesdropped a conversation between Osiris and Zap’au. That’s when he knew he was Daniel. Dr. Jackson’s name is well known among the Tok’ra. He contacted us as soon as he could.”

“What have they done to him?” Jack asked with deep concern. Thinking that his lover had been in the clutches of Osiris for so long spread a feeling of dread and anger to every cell of his body. Although he was able to conceal it, he was trembling inside.

“It seems that Osiris commanded Zap’au to make some formulas, and they tested them in him,” Jacob continued. “My guess is that they are trying to get information from him using powerful hallucinogens.

“The same way Sokar tried to do with you,” Hammond observed.

“This is my guess, yes. They have been doing this for the last two months since they locked him in the room.”

“Oh, my god,” Janet exclaimed in shock. “What do we you know of his condition? She asked with deep concern.

“It seems that he isn’t physically injured, but as you can imagine, after two months of being constantly drugged, his mental state is severely affected, “Jacob explained.” For many weeks they have made him believe that he is committed in a mental hospital on Earth. We don’t know what they have been telling him, but for what we know, they might have altered his mind completely.”

“Son of a bitch!” Jack exclaimed with loathing. Of all kinds of torture, that rotten bastard had to choose that one. After his experience with Miss Fruitcake princess and her magical sarcophagus and his ordeal with Machello’s little evil bugs, Daniel had sheer panic of mental institutions and any kind of drugs. Two months treated like a mental-ill could have damaged his psyche severely, if not permanently. At that moment, Jack wanted nothing more than to squeeze to death the neck of the damned snake-head, and he didn’t care that the host was one of Daniel’s dearest friends.

“Which are our options for a safe rescue?” Hammond asked, trying to stay calm, although his blood was boiling inside his veins. Although he told himself that he should care the same for all his personnel, the truth was that he had a soft spot for the young archaeologist.

“The Stargate in the planet is highly guarded. The only viable approximation is with a cloaked ship. Our nearest base is one week flight to Osiris's planet.”

“Dear God,” Janet exclaimed.

“Doctor?” The General questioned.

“Sir, if I understood it well, once rescued, Daniel won’t be able to come here immediately. He will have to fly for one week back to the Tok’ra base, and come through the Stargate from there, right?” She looked at Jacob for confirmation.

Jacob bowed his head, and when he lifted it again, his eyes glowed. His symbiote, Selmak, had taken the lead.

“Your assumption is correct, Dr. Fraiser. That's why I highly recommend that you accompany us on the mission,” he said.

“Is that absolutely necessary?” General Hammond asked.

“Sir, if Daniel has been drugged with god knows what for two months, it’s more than likely that he will suffer some kind of withdrawal,” Janet explained.

“Oh, no,” Sam muttered and swallowed the sudden lump in her throat.

“Crap, here we go again,” Jack snorted through the nose before rubbing his face with both hands.

“I see your point, doctor,” Hammond agreed. “Very well, you will accompany Jacob Carter and SG-1 on the mission. You may go to prepare whatever equipment you think is necessary.”

“Yes, Sir,” she got up and left, leaving the rest of her workmates trying to process the news.

“Which guarantees can you give about the success of the mission?” Hammond asked the Tok'ra.

The alien bowed his head and let Jacob answer the question. He knew the personnel at SGC felt much more comfortable talking with the former Air Force General.

“Our contact, Aal’ec, gave us the coordinates for a safe landing. We'll meet him there. He’s been studying Osiris fortress for months. He will guide us to Daniel through the back door.”

“A surgical attack,” Sam pointed out.

“I highly recommend the exclusive use of zat'ni'ke'tels,” Teal’c suggested.

“Let’s take the P90 just in case, ok?” Jack wasn’t a big fan of zat guns, but he understood that in that case the less noise the better.”

“Very well,” Hammond concluded. “SG-1, you have a go. You will leave as soon as you’re ready.” He looked at Jack intently for a couple of seconds. “Colonel, bring our boy home.”

Jack swallowed the lump in his throat. “Yes, Sir.”

“Dismissed.”

***

One hour later, a FRED carrying all the necessary equipment was sent through the Stargate to the coordinates that Selmak had provided. SG-1 plus the Tok'ra plus Dr. Fraiser followed it through the wormhole. A couple of hours more later, the SGC team together with Sam's father were on a tel'tak on their way to Osiris’s fortress.

***

As soon as he woke up, David felt an uncomfortable weight on his chest. He half-opened his eyes with difficulty to find two bright green orbs staring at him. He immediately recognized the cat he had met the previous day. He smiled drowsily and with great effort; he managed to reach out a hand to pet it. Something in the deepest of his mind told him that something about that the animal was important, but he couldn’t remember what.

At the sound of the doorknob moving, the cat jumped to the floor and hide under the bed. David whimpered at the loss. Like every day for the last three months, the two orderlies came into the room and took David to his daily bath and shaving. After so many days going from the bed to the wheelchair and from the wheelchair to the bed, his legs had stopped functioning completely. He was nothing more than a rag doll with a useless body and a broken mind which just contained a bunch of blurry scattered memories and thoughts.

Nurse Rose came, injected him with his medication, and left without even trying to talk to him or offer him breakfast. At that point he only accepted food from Adele, so the only nourishment he got during the day was the midday meal.

***

David didn’t see Sarah for three days after the incident with the cat. Then, on the fourth day, she came into his room and took his hands in hers.

“I've been talking with Dr. Roberts,” she said cheerfully. He and his team had been developing a new medicine. It will be ready within few days. He thinks it will help you remember everything. I finally can see a light at the end of the tunnel! Oh, David, I miss you so much!” she exclaimed, wearing a rather eerie Cheshire grin.

David just stared at her hands with unfocused eyes. A drop of drool splashed onto one of Sarah’s fingers. She made a face and rubbed her hand harshly against his husband’s pants. Sarah’s attitude changed instantaneously.

“Yuck! That’s disgusting!” She wrinkled her nose.

David didn’t react, he just kept staring at her hand. Her hand. Something. Something about her hand. Something was important. About her hand. The cobwebs clouding his mind were too thick. But still. Something. Wrong. In Sarah’s hand.

“This is useless!” Sarah spat. “I'll go see Dr. Roberts. This has to end once and for all!” And she stormed out of the room.

David couldn’t understand the change in his wife. She had been loving and caring for so many weeks… and then, all of a sudden, the incident with the cat a few days ago and now… A deep feeling of loneliness engulfed the linguist and added more pain to his constant confusion.

Every time he was left alone in the room, the cat came out from under the bed and sprawled on David’s lap. It wasn’t different this time. As soon as Sarah closed the door, it meowed softly and jumped gently onto the man’s thighs. David usually petted it weakly for hours while staring at the garden through the window. From time to time, the animal sneaked out of the room when someone came in, but it always came back. David let it lick his fingers. Meanwhile, outside in the garden, people walked and rested, and on the nearest bench, the young man stroked the cat.

***

It was the fourth day on the tel'tak and Jack was going up the wall. He was worried sick for his lover, and the inactivity was more than he could handle. When he wasn’t pacing around the ship, he was watching over Jacob’s shoulder or was sitting on the darkest corner shaking his legs nervously the whole time. He was doing that when he stood up suddenly and walked towards the Tok’ra.

“For crying out loud, Jacob!” he exclaimed harshly, pointing at the ship's commands. “Can't this piece of junk go faster?”

“I'm going almost at maximum speed, Jack.”

“Then looks like your *almost* (he drew quote marks with his fingers) isn’t fast enough,” he spat.

“I told you already it was a week flight. You don’t want for me to burn the engines, do you?” Jacob glared at him.

Sam and Janet watched the scene open-mouthed. Teal’c just raised an eyebrow. Jack ran his fingers through his hair in frustration.

“We all care about him, Jack,” the former General softened his tone. “We'll bring him home.”

The colonel saw the determination in the older man’s gaze and he looked away, ashamed of his outburst.

“Yeah,” he whispered. And went back to sit at the corner.

Janet went to sit next to him.

“Everything alright, Sir?” She asked empathically.

“Just peachy,” he replied emotionless, keeping his eyes glued to the floor.

“We're all worried about him, Sir, but you need to calm down. If everything that Jacob told us is true, he’s going to need all our strength.”

He looked at her and she saw the fear written all over his face. It was the same expression of dread she had observed in the colonel every time Daniel was in danger.

“How bad is it going to be?” he asked after swallowing the lump in his throat.

“I don’t know, but I guess it’s going to be very, very hard,” she replied with a sad tone. “Never since he joined the Stargate program has Daniel been in enemy hands for so long. He may be seriously damaged. He’s going to need all our help.” Janet looked at the Colonel intently. “Especially yours,” she added, holding his gaze.

Jack froze at Janet’s last words and she got the answer she was looking for. It was her job as a doctor to know what was happening to the SGC personnel emotionally as much as mentally and psychically. He had suspected for months that the relationship between the colonel and the archaeologist went far beyond friendship. Jack realized Janet had read him like an open book, but he relaxed when he only saw sympathy and understanding in her eyes.

“If anything happens to him, I…” he pressed his lips together to stop the rush of emotions that threatened to overcome him.

“I’m here for you both. Whatever you need,” she offered sincerely.

“I know. Thank you. Thank you, Janet,” he half-smiled.

She patted his arm amicably and left him alone. He saw her walk away and knew that his little secret was safe. Janet would never betray his trust. Deep inside, he was happy that she had found out. She was someone both he and Daniel could rely on.

Sam had watched with a frown the exchange between her two friends and went to meet the doctor.

“Is the colonel ok?” she asked in concern.

“Yes, just worried about Daniel. You know how he cares about his kids,” Janet smiled.

Sam looked at her CO as he bent up his legs and buried his face between his knees.

“Yes, we all are,” she whispered.

***

After leaving David/Daniel’s room, Sarah went directly to Dr. Roberts's lab. She was fuming. She strode into the room and stood in front of the man with her hands on her hips. He was pouring the contents of an Erlenmeyer flask into a test tube. Her eyes glowed and the doctor’s hands began to shake.

“I'm tired of your incompetence,” Osiris's distorted voice echoed around the lab. “You will inject Jackson with the new drug now,” he ordered coldly.

“B-b-but my Lord, it's not been properly tested yet. I need a few more days,” Roberts protested.

“Are defying me?” the Goa’uld threatened.

“N-no my Lord,” the doctor stammered with fear.

“I only followed your suggestion because you assured me the drugs would make him so docile and trustful that we could extract any information from him,” Osiris squinted and looked at the man threateningly.

The doctor’s eyes glowed briefly and looked down.

“But now Dr. Jackson is completely subdued,” the scientist insisted. “He’s convinced that he’s David Miller, I don’t understand why he is still resisting the questions about Earth defense systems. I'm sure that with a few more days this new drug will…”

“Enough! Osiris sneaked a hand under his sleeve and took off a dagger. He pressed the tip on the doctor’s jugular. “And you are the great Dyehuty’s best disciple? The outstanding apprentice of the greatest alchemist of all times? Maybe you were once, but now you’re just a pathetic old man in decline. Who had thought you were going to decline so fast during my absence. Maybe you need a new host?”

Zap’au’s eyes glowed weakly again. He had been a powerful Goa’uld millennia ago, but the continuous exposure to his own experiments and the abusive use of the sarcophagus had weakened his mind as much as his old body. He seemed to be unable to fulfill his duty.

“Inject him now, and pray because he snaps off this catatonic state you put him into,” the former system Lord hissed.

“But…”

Osiris pressed the dagger harder and a drop of blood blossomed from the man’s neck. “I said now!” Osiris ordered.

“Y-y-yes, my Lord.”

The Goa’uld posing as Dr. Roberts got a small bottle and poured some on the liquid from the test tube inside. Then he grabbed a syringe, a cotton ball, a bottle with alcohol, put everything on a small tray, and followed his master out of the room.

***

David/Daniel was dozing on his wheelchair when the two Goa’uld came into the room. He barely stirred when the doctor injected him with the new drug.

“It will take some hours to counteract the effects of the last drug,” Zap’au/Roberts informed. “You may start questioning him in the morning.”

“It better work. Otherwise, this will be your last failure.” Osiris’ eyes glowed, and the alchemist gulped.

After they left the room, the two orderlies came in, helped the patient in the bathroom, and dumped him rudely on the bed.

***

The first cramp attacked David/Daniel two hours later. Somehow the last injection had awakened his senses a bit. With a big effort, he managed to curl up into a ball and clutched his stomach as a second cramp hit him hard. He moaned and tried to breathe against the pain. His mind was still clouded, but for the first time in a few days, he was conscious again of himself and of where he was.

A wave of nausea accompanied the next cramp and swallowed compulsively, trying not to vomit. He managed to contain the little that was in his stomach in its place, but the pain didn’t recede. He moaned again against the pillow. Maybe he should call someone. There was a buzzer somewhere. He tried to clear his mind, but he still felt very befuddled, and he couldn’t remember where he had seen it. He remembered nurse Rose and his mother had pressed it sometimes. They had leaned towards the… the nightstand. Of course. Where else? Yes, it was on the nightstand. He started to crawl towards the piece of furniture when another jolt of pain coursed through his body. He clutched his belly and whimpered in agony. God, he hurt all over, but his stomach… he felt as if someone was twisting a knife in his gut. He squeezed his eyes shut and clenched his teeth against the pain. He didn’t remember hurting like that since his appendix had burst. This time he couldn’t control the wave of nausea and he threw up on the mattress. The stink of the barf made his stomach rebel again, and he dry heaved for several minutes more. He felt very weak, but he managed to turn his body around and get his nostrils away from the pool of vomit. The problem was that in that position he couldn’t reach the buzzer. He could barely move. He tried to control his breath and gather some strength, but it was impossible as new cramps assaulted his body repeatedly. He whimpered weakly. Sweat leaked from every one of his pores and he began to shake hard. God, he felt so sick. Tears of pain passed through his eyelashes.

“Mom… dad…” he sobbed, “h'rts, ple'se… h'lp me… mom… h'lp… aaagh!”

He felt something rough scratching his cheek. He cracked opened his eyes and saw the cat licking his tears.

“Egeria?” he whispered before a new jolt of pain rendered him unconscious.

***

Zap’au came into his patient’s room first thing in the morning. The drug should have taken effect by now. As soon as he opened the door, the acrid smell of vomit filled his nostrils.

“What the hell…? He covered his nose with his hand and approached the linguist's bed. David/Daniel was curled up into a tight ball, unmoving. His breathing sounded ragged. The fake doctor made a face at the mess. He pressed the buzzer on the nightstand. In a minute, the two orderlies were there.

“Clean that mess, I need to check on him. Page me when he is ready,”, he ordered.

The two men undressed the patient and dragged him to the shower. David/Daniel whimpered at the touches, but he didn’t wake up completely. He slumped in a heap onto the floor of the shower stall, and one of the orderlies turned on the water. They left him alone while they went to change the bedclothes. The two men didn’t hide the disgust they felt about the task. Fifteen minutes later, they went to get David/Daniel. He was awake, trying to crawl away from the cold water. He was shaking hard, his teeth chattering noisily.

The orderlies turned off the water, wrapped him in a towel roughly, and dragged him to the bed. They left him there, naked and shivering.

Ten minutes later Zap’au and nurse Rose arrived pushing a trolley with several medical supplies. David/Daniel lay curled up in a tight ball again, his hands clutching his belly as he whimpered weakly. He was deadly pale. The fake doctor checked his vitals, and all color drained from his face. He looked at Rose with haunted eyes and swallowed. She looked from the Goa’uld to David/Daniel and back to the Goa’uld again. A feeling of deep dread filled them both.

***

Fear was written all over Zap’au’s face when he approached his master and kneeled in front of him. Osiris was sitting in his trone. Two rows of slaves framed a walkway to the ruler’s chair. All of them wore baggy hoods which concealed their faces. Their heads were bowed in submission. The Goa’uld was wearing over ornamented white robes and a ribbon device adorned his left hand. He crossed his legs and lifted his chin upright in a gesture of arrogance.

“Is the prisoner ready for the interrogation?” The Goa’uld’s eyes glowed for a brief moment.

“The drug didn’t have the expected effect, my lord,” Zap’au lowered his gaze in a gesture of submission.

“And which is the effect it had?” Osiris hardened his tone.

“The prisoner is in great pain. He is very weak, and he can’t communicate at any level. His heartbeat is erratic and his other vitals are far from healthy. I’m afraid the drug acted as a poison. He might be dying.”

“I warned you of what would happen if you failed me again,” the parasite inhabiting Sarah’s Garner body threatened.

“I… I… if you could give me more time, I could… I could…” the alchemist stammered with fear.

Osiris lifted his hand and pointed the ribbon device to the man. He open-widened his eyes and shook his head repeatedly. Without warning, the Goa’uld activated the device and Zap’au flew for several feet until he crashed against a wall. His lifeless body crumpled in a heap on the floor.

Osiris snapped his fingers and signaled three of his slaves to approach. They did as ordered and kneeled in front of his master.

“Show your faces,” Osiris ordered.

The three figures pulled back their hoods to reveal Adele Miller, Mike, and nurse Rose.

“You have served me well,” the Goa’uld said. “You will be rewarded. I no longer need your service with the prisoner. You may return to your habitual duties.”

“Yes, my lord,” they all replied at the same time. And they left the throne room, each one of them in one direction.

***

Osiris went to check on Daniel immediately. He didn’t even bother to change his clothes. The Goa’uld wearing Sarah’s face stormed into the room. He found the linguist the way Zap’au had described. He was lying on his bed completely naked. His knees were bent against his chest and his arms wrapped around his midsection. He was whimpering and rocking weakly. His face, half-buried in the pillow, was the picture of agony.

Osiris sat on the edge of the bed and grabbed a flock of his hair and pulled up so he could see his face. David/Daniel winced and cracked his eyes open enough to recognize the blurry face of his wife.

“Sa-Sar'h…” he licked his cracked lips. “H'lp me… h'rts… h'lp.”

“No worries, honey,” she said huskily. “We're taking good care of you.” She slid her fingers along David/Daniel’s face and traced a line following his neck, arms, ribs, waist, hips, and thighs. He was a beautiful specimen. Maybe he should take him as a host. After all, he had always possessed male humans. The linguist seemed oblivious to the touch.

“Where ‘re mom ‘nd dad?” the sick man asked with a tiny voice. “Need mom… need…” he moaned and tightened his grip as a new wave of excruciating pain pierced his gut. He squeezed his eyes shut and bit his lower lip with such a force that drops of blood flowed along his chin. He let out a sob before moaning again. “Mom… mom…,” he sobbed. During his days at the hospital, he had got used to the caring touch of Adele. She was his lifeline now, the only one that could soothe his pain. He missed her terribly. Maybe she would come later, and dad too. Everything would get better when they were there. They would come, yes, later, they would come. They were his parents, they would never leave him alone with so much pain.

Osiris didn’t say anything. He just looked at the distressed man, utterly disgusted. He wasn’t of any use to him like this. Nothing he had tried had helped to get useful information about Earth defenses. Nor the physical torture, or any of the drugs they had tried for mental manipulation. He hadn’t been able to gather enough information to plan a successful attack at the SGC. Maybe he should try with another specimen, some who were less stubborn than this one.

He should end him right there. In his distressed state, David/Daniel didn’t see how his supposed wife raised a hand and pointed the jewel of her ribbon device to his forehead. But the Goa’uld frowned and didn’t activate the weapon. Maybe he could still be useful in some way. Maybe he should put him in the sarcophagus again and once recovered she could get some pleasure with his beautiful body. His host had some pretty interesting memories involving carnal pleasures with him. And if he wasn’t as pleasurable as he seemed to be, he could always kill him later.

Or maybe he just should leave him like that, suffering a slow and painful death… hmm, that sounded appealing. He had always enjoyed seeing his enemies suffer. He decided to leave him for now. He would decide what to do with him later. When he died, he could revive him with the sarcophagus, after all. For now, seeing him breaking little by little was pleasurable enough. It wasn’t like he was going anywhere, was he? Without a word, she got up and left the room, leaving abandoned a very cold and very in pain archaeologist.

***

For two days, David/Daniel stayed unattended in his room. A couple of times a day, Osiris came, sat in a chair, and simply enjoyed the view of his victim writhing on his bed. He didn't say anything, and David/Daniel didn’t even notice his presence. He was going weaker by the hour. The pain was constant and the confusion in his mind did nothing but increase. His entire body was slowly shutting down. He had completely lost the notion of time, but he had the feeling that his parents hadn’t come to visit him for some time. He missed his mother's touch and soothing words. She had become his pillar. He was scared. Where was she? Did something happen to her? His only company was the cat that passed most of the day curled up next to him.

That night, Adam sneaked into the room. He approached cautiously the sick man and kneeled in front of him. He was shocked to see that he was completely naked, his body totally uncovered. Egeria was lying next to him, sound asleep. The cat woke up when its owner stroke its furry head lovingly. It opened up an eye and meowed lazily to him, but it didn’t move from David/Daniel’s side. The Tok’ra spy hadn’t seen him in one week and was alarmed by the state of deterioration he was. He was extremely pale, and the way he whimpered and gripped his midsection meant that he was obviously in a lot of pain. An acrid odor of urine filled Adam’s nostrils. It was clear to him that Dr. Jackson had been abandoned for some days and nobody had taken care of his most basic necessities. They probably hadn’t fed him either. The young man reached out a hand and grabbed Daniel by the wrist gently.

“Dr. Jackson, Dr. Jackson,” he whispered, trying to get the sick man’s attention.

Cerulean unfocused eyes cracked open slowly and looked at him without signs of recognition.

“Dr. Jackson, can you hear me?” Adam asked anxiously. He didn’t like at all the condition of the Tauri man. He looked even more damaged than the other day. He hoped his friends would arrive soon, and it wouldn't be too late to reverse the effects of whatever Osiris had done to him. If everything went according to the plan, Selmak and the rest of SG-1 would be there the next day.

Daniel was aware that someone was talking to him, but he couldn’t recognize the voice. It didn’t sound like Sarah or any of his parents or the medical staff.

“Wa… wa-ter…” he croaked. The effort of saying that simple word made his eyes close again.

Adam went to the bathroom where he found a plastic glass with a toothbrush inside. He poured some water into it and ran towards the sick man. He sat on the bed next to him and helped him to a semi-upright position. A thin layer of sweat covered him, and his entire body was trembling. He startled when he noticed the edge of the glass on his lips and tried to fight the intrusion, but he was too weak.

“Dr. Jackson, it’s water, it’s just water,” Adam calmed him down. “You’re very sick, you need to drink.”

“Who… who…? Daniel asked with a tiny voice.

“I’m Adam. Do you remember me?” The young man whispered. “ Dr. Jackson, I’m Tok’ra. I contacted your friends. They are coming for you.”

In his dazed state, Daniel heard Adam’s words, and he knew he was dreaming of his other life. He wondered how being in a dream he could be in so much pain. He felt the water on his parched lips and he took a sip. Even if it was a dream, it tasted good. He hadn’t realized how thirsty he was until the water made its way down and hit his empty stomach. He felt sick for a moment and gagged a couple of times. Egeria, the cat watched at the scene with curiosity.

“Small sips, Dr. Jackson,” Adam’s warned. “Otherwise you’ll make yourself sick.”

He tried it again, and this time the water settled well in his abused body. He took some more sips. “Th’nks,” he whispered. “Tir’d.”

Adam helped him to lie again. He grabbed the blanket that was tangled at the foot of the bed and covered Daniel with it. Then he returned the glass to the bathroom. He hated to have to leave the Tauri like that, but staying longer would be too risky and would endanger the full rescue operation. He squeezed the linguist's shoulder softly.

“Just hold on a little longer, Dr. Jackson. You’ll be home soon.” Adam stroked his cat briefly, kissed her small head, and left the room in silence.

Under the comfort of the blanket, Daniel drifted into a nightmare plagued sleep.

***


	3. Chapter 3

The next day Adam left the fortress without waking up any suspicious. One of his duties as Osiris' servant was to provide nourishment to the slaves working in the mine of Naquada. He loaded a cart with several crates. Each one of them contained recipients filled with the grayish paste that served as food. He covered the crates with a large linen cloth, tapped the horse’s hip with the whip, and followed the tortuous way to the mine. He had to hurry. Usually, his task didn’t last more than two hours, but today, after delivering the food, he had to meet Selmak and SG-1. He had to accompany them to the fortress before Osiris got suspicious.

***

“The cloak is activated,” Jacob announced. “Time to cross fingers. We’ll land in a few minutes.”

All members of SG-1 plus Janet gathered around the former Air Force General. They all held their breath as the tel’tak ran through the planet’s atmosphere. Jack and Janet exchanged looks briefly. She knew how worried he was about his lover. She also was afraid about the state they would find the archaeologist. She hoped they weren’t too late, first of all for Daniel’s sake but also for the colonel’s. She wasn’t sure he could cope with the younger man’s loss. Although he was trying to conceal it under a mask of hardness, she knew that deep inside sheer terror was consuming his insides.

After a few minutes of turbulence, the ship started a gentle descent. The coordinates Aal’ec had provided sent them to a clearing in the forest. It appeared to be a remote location, far from any sign of civilization. Jacob landed the tel’tak and everyone blew in relief. There wasn’t any sign that they had been detected.

“OK, now what?” Jack asked impatiently.

“Now we wait for our contact. He should be here any minute now,” Jacob replied calmly.

No sooner had he said those words when a young man emerged from the woods.

“Is that him?” Sam asked, pointing at the figure.

“Yes,” Jacob confirmed. “Let him come in.”

Jack ran to the door, stabbed the buttons on the opening panel and the door slid easily.

“Hey, over here,” he whispered.

Adam turned around to the sound. “Are you SG-1? Did you come with Selmak?” he asked for confirmation.

“I’m Colonel Jack O’Neill, come on in.”

Adam sneaked into the ship and Jack closed the door behind him, leaving the ship perfectly camouflaged. As soon as the young Tok’ra saluted Jacob/Selmak, everyone gathered around him.

“Where is Daniel? How is he?” Jack asked first.

“His location hasn’t changed. He’s still held in the same cell. About his condition…” he shook his head and sighed.

Jack’s heart skipped a beat.

“Has DanielJackson condition worsened since your last communication?” Teal’c was the first one to find his voice.

“I visited him last night. I hadn’t seen him in a week.”

“How is he?” Janet urged.

“He’s alive, but I don’t know for how long,” Aal’ec stated.

“What has that bastard done to him?” Jack felt raw rage rising from his gut.

“For what I could find out, looks like none of the drugs they tested on him had the desired effect. Osiris killed the alchemist responsible and left Dr. Jackson in his room, unattended. He is very sick. He was in pain and it was clear that they hadn’t fed him or attended to his basic needs in some days.

“Son of a bitch!” Jack’s rage escalated, and he clenched his fist and jaw.

“Can you sneak us into the fortress?” Sam asked. The concern for her friend had increased tenfold.

“Yes, I can hide you there, but you’ll have to wait until night to attempt the rescue. Osiris visits Dr. Jackson regularly during the day and there are plenty of guards. It took me a week to be able to approach him again. It was impossible during the day.”

“Dammit,” Jack scrubbed his hair in frustration. “OK, Jacob, you’ll stay here guarding the ship. Dr. Fraiser, you will come with us. Looks like Daniel will need you.”

“Yes, Sir.”

“Colonel…” Adam pressed his lips together for a brief moment and stared at Jack. He had perceived the deepest level of concern for the Tauri in this one. “You must understand… maybe you will rescue Dr. Jackson’s body, but I’m not sure about his mind. He’s very sick. I don’t know what tricks Osiris used in him, but I don’t think he’s conscious of himself anymore. I don’t think he’s going to recognize any of you. Wherever his mind has gone is a remote place."

Jack held the young Tok’Ra glance for some seconds while processed that information. Then, he nodded in acknowledgment and proceed to get ready for the mission.

Adam provided them with costumes to conceal their appearance. Fifteen minutes later, they were all dressed as servants, zats, and P90 concealed under their robes. They left the ship and Adam guided them through the forest. In a few minutes, they reached a cart pulled by a horse. They climbed on it and crouched down between the now empty crates. Adam covered them with the linen cloth and they started their way toward the fortress. It took them half an hour to get there. Nobody suspected of the servant who had made the same route every day for months. No one even realized that today he was a bit later than usual. Adam guided the horse to a service door situated at the back of the fortress. Once he was sure no one was in sight, he told SG-1 plus Janet to get off the cart. Each one of them took one of the crates and followed Adam into the fortress. To accentuate the act, they walked with their hooded heads bowed in a sign of submission. They arrived at a storage room and Adam told them to hide there and wait. The slaves were fed only once a day, so no one was supposed to enter that room until the next morning. They sat on the floor and got ready for a long wait.

***

They stayed in silence for several minutes, each one of them trying to process their own fears. After an hour of waiting, Jack broke the silence.

Doc, about what that guy, Adam, said… “he didn’t dare to finish the sentence as if by doing it, it would turn out real.

“About that Daniel might not recognize us?” Janet clarified.

“Yeah, that…”

“Well, if Osiris gave him something similar to the blood of Sokar…”

“It gave us very realistic hallucinations,” Sam shuddered at the memory.”

“But it didn’t work,” Jack pointed out. “We all realized there was something wrong.”

“Colonel, you were all exposed to the drug for a short amount of time. Daniel’s been here for months. Who knows what a continuous exposition can cause to a human brain.” Janet sounded alarmed.

“What are you saying? That there could be permanent brain damage?” Jack held Janet’s glance.

“Let’s not drawn precipitate conclusions, ok? As far as we know, he’s been drugged with an unknown substance for weeks. What I'm saying that I don’t know what we'll find, and we should be ready for anything,” Janet saddened at the angst written on Jack’s face.

The colonel continued staring at her, looking for some sign of reassurance. Not finding any, he rested his elbows on his knees and buried his face in his hands.

“DanielJackson is a strong individual,” Teal’c stated firmly. “I am confident that he has in him all the necessary capabilities to overcome any situation.”

“I hope you’re right, Teal’c, I hope you’re right,” Janet patted his forearm.

***

Many hours later, just when they were starting to think that something had gone wrong and Adam wouldn’t come back, the young Tok’ra came into the storage room.

“It’s about time,” Jack snapped at him.

Adam decided to ignore his glare.

“Osiris has retired to his quarters,” he informed the group. “It’s time. There are just two Jaffa guarding Dr. Jackson’s door. The rest of the corridors are clear.

“OK, people, let’s move,” Jack ordered. “Get your zats ready. Any obstacle, shoot three times. I don’t wanna leave any clue in our way.”

“Yes, Sir,” Sam and Janet said in unison.

“This way,” Adam indicated.

They all left the storage room and walked close to the wall in single file, Adam leading the way followed by Jack, Sam, and Janet in the middle and Teal’c watching their backs. The fortress was labyrinthine. They had been walking for five minutes when they heard the steps of a Jaffa patrol coming toward their direction.

“I’ll distract them. Ready your weapons,” Adam whispered.

He turned around the corner and stood in front of the warriors. There were four of them.

“Jaffa! Aray Kree!” Aal’ec took command of the situation and made Adam’s eyes glow.

The four Jaffa looked at each other in confusion for a second. It was all the time SG-1 needed to shoot their zats. The four warriors disappeared before they had time to understand what had hit them.

“Let’s hope nobody heard that,” Jack whispered. “Let’s go!”

A few minutes later, they arrived at Daniel’s cell without other incidents. Jack peeped around the corner and confirmed the presence of two Jaffa guarding the door.

“Ok, on three,” Jack ordered to his team.

He extended three fingers and started the countdown. As he reached zero, they all turned around the corner and shot the zats at the same time. The two warriors vanished leaving no trace.

Adam ran to the door and punched in the opening commands. The team sneaked inside the room and closed the door behind them. The first to hit them was the smell. It was pitch dark, so they quickly turned on their flashlights.

“Oh, my God.” Sam covered his mouth and her eyes watered instantaneously at the view.

The hearts of all the members of the SGC team plummeted to the floor, Jack’s one shattering into a million pieces in its descent.

Daniel was lying on a bed, completely naked. He was curled up into a ball, arms wrapped around his midsection, half-open eyes looking vacantly at nothing, a trickle of drool seeping out from his mouth. He was deadly pale. Light tremors were shaking his body from head to toe and he was whimpering weakly. He was clearly in pain. His hair was longer than usual and disheveled and had grown a four or five days' stubble. Weight loss was clear, and the acrid smell made obvious the fact that he was lying on sheets dampened with his own urine.

The only thing that stopped Jack from going after Osiris and ripping the life out of him with his naked hands, was the fact that Daniel was still alive and they had the chance to save him as long as they didn’t waste more time. Both the colonel and Janet rushed towards the archaeologist. The doctor kneeled next to him and quickly checked his vitals.

“Daniel, can you hear me? Daniel!” She patted his cheek, but the archaeologist didn’t show any sign of consciousness or recognition. “Let’s roll him on his back so I can examine him better,” she told Jack.

As soon as they tried to move him, his ragged breathing increased its speed. He sounded on the edge of a panic attack.

“Dammit! What have they done to him?!” Jack growled in frustration. To see the man he loved in such a condition made him feel as if a knife was being buried mercilessly in his gut. But now he didn’t have time to dwell on his own pain. The only important thing was to grab Daniel and take him to the ship as soon as possible.

“Daniel, it’s me, Janet,” she tried to soothe him. “It’s over, honey, you’re safe now.”

Daniel kept ignoring her words and continued whimpering, rocking back and forth weakly.

“Can you sedate him?” Sam suggested.

“No without knowing if there are still drugs running through his system,” Janet shook her head. “I could make things worse.”

At that moment, a moan escaped Daniel’s lips, his eyelashes fluttered, his eyes rolled back, and he stopped moving.

“Doc!” Jack exclaimed in alarm.

Janet quickly pressed her fingers on her friend’s carotid artery. His pulse was too fast and weak for comfort. Then she double-checked his pupils with her penlight.

“He’s unconscious, but I don’t know for how long,” she informed the rest. “Let’s take advantage of that time.”

Jack helped her to straighten Daniel’s body and lie him on his back. Janet assessed his condition as fast as she could while three pairs of eyes watched her anxiously. Meanwhile, two bright green eyes emerged shyly from under the bed.

“Come here, beautiful.” Adam reached out his hands, and the cat trotted toward her owner without hesitation. The young Tok’ra took her into his protective arms and petted her as she purred happily.

“It’s a beautiful animal,” Sam commented.

“Yes, she is, and very affectionate, too,” Adam smiled. “I left her with Dr. Jackson several days ago. I thought he might enjoy the company while he waited for the rescue. Also, I hoped she might help him to understand what was going on.”

“How was that feline going to help DanielJackson to understand what was going on?” Teal’c answered in confusion.

Before Adam could answer him, Janet spoke.

“There aren’t any physical injures beyond several puncture wounds, probably caused by syringes. No broken bones or internal injuries. His abdomen is distended and hard to the touch. It might be due to the drugs or any other poison, or maybe its withdrawal symptoms. Let’s move, people. There is nothing I can do for him here, we need to take him to the ship ASAP!”

“I will carry him,” Teal’c stepped forward.

Jack grabbed a blanket that lay on a heap at the foot of the bed and wrapped his lover tenderly. He sent a mental prayer to whatever deity might be listening to him. He couldn’t lose him, he just couldn’t. Janet would fix him, she always fixed everything. It wouldn’t be different this time. Any other option was unthinkable.

Teal’c held the archaeologist in his arms as if he was a small child. Adam led the group out of the room and towards the exit of the fortress. Egeria followed them silently. They reached the outdoor without incident, but as soon as they placed the still unconscious Daniel on the cart, a Jaffa patrol surprised them.

“Kree! Aray Kree! (Stop, stay where you are)”

“Mai’tac (damn),” Aal’ec took over Adam.

Before they had time to ask any question or point their staff weapons, they were all engulfed by the blue rays of the zat guns and collapsed lifelessly to the ground. Teal’c grabbed one of their weapons and jumped to the cart together with his friends. Adam whipped the horse, and it raced to the forest. Attracted by the commotion, another Jaffa patrol appeared from nowhere and the warriors fired their weapons. Jack and Sam lay on their stomachs and responded to the attack with their P90. There wasn’t any need to be silent anymore. Teal’c fired his new staff weapon with a steady hand while Janet bent over Daniel to protect him from any possible impact. At that point, she was grateful that he remained unconscious.

Suddenly, the plasma of a staff blast passed just above Jack’s head, and a strangled cry merged above the noise.

“Adam!” Janet shouted in horror, seeing the gaping wound on the young Tok’ra upper back.

He staggered for a brief moment and fell backward. Janet crawled towards him. “Adam, hold on!”

He looked at her, and his eyes glowed for a brief moment. “It’s too late, Dr. Fraiser,” he whispered. “The blast hit Aal’ec. He can’t do anything for me… he’s dying…”

“Adam, let me check your wound!” she insisted.

The young Tok’ra shook his head. “Just… just follow this trail and take the path on the left when you arrive at the crossroad. It will take you to your sh-ship…” His eyes glowed one last time before they close and his body lay still.

They had got enough distance from the fortress to cease the fire. The three active members of SG-1 turned around and saw Adam’s smokey body lying motionless at Janet’s knees. Their gaze asked the obvious question, and she answered with a rictus of sadness and shook her head. Teal’c clenched his jaw while Sam covered his mouth with her hand. Jack sighed and nodded in acknowledgment.

Teal'c launched to the front of the cart and took control of the horse.

“Teal’c, once we arrive at the crossroad, take the path on the left!” Janet advised him.

“Understood, DoctorFraiser!” 

Meanwhile, Jack had crawled toward his lover. “How is he?”

“He's holding there, Colonel,” Janet sighed.

Before she could give any other explanation, the familiar buzz of a Goa’uld death glider resounded over their heads. A couple of seconds later, a few others joined the party. Fortunately, the tree canopy concealed the cart that carried Daniel and the others. The gliders shot some blasts, but they were firing blind.

Adam’s cat left her owner's body and curled up on Daniel’s chest. One might think she was trying to protect him the only way she could.

Jack pushed the button on his radio. “Jacob! We're coming in hot! Over!”

“Yeah, I’ve heard the gliders! Were you able to extract Daniel? Over!” Jacob responded from the Tel'tak.

“Affirmative! Get the ship ready. ETA uncertain!”

“Roger that!”

Jack, Sam, and Janet held where they could while the cart continued a frantic race through the wildness. Their gaze traveled constantly from Daniel’s inert body to the roof of the forest.

“Over there!” Sam pointed to a clearing on the tree canopy.

A glider passed just over their heads and fired, but it missed for several yards. Jack and Sam tried to return fire, but it flew too fast. Besides, the trees made the visibility deficient.

The good thing was that Teal’c was guiding the horse with great skill. When they arrived at the crossroad, he turned to the left as the deceased young Tok’ra had indicated Janet. Fortunately, the gliders continued failing their shots.

“Over there!” Teal’c pointed out to a clearing in front of them.

All of them recognized the place where they had landed the ship.

“Jacob! Get ready! We're coming in two!” Jack shouted to his radio.

“Roger that!” the former general replied.

As they reached the opening, Teal’c stopped the cart. He quickly grabbed Daniel into his arms and they all ran toward the still cloaked ship, followed by Egeria the cat.

“Sir!” Sam yelled out, seeing the glider approaching them from the front.

“Get down!” Jack ordered.

They all obeyed, Teal’c rather unceremoniously since he was carrying Daniel.

The glider fired and missed the group for several yards. Behind them, the cart exploded into a thousand pieces, taking with it Adam’s body. The frightened horse, free of its load, ran wildly towards the forest.

Jacob opened the sliding door. “Over here! Quickly!”

Teal’c lifted Daniel into a fireman's carry, and he and the rest of the team ran to the safety of the ship. As soon as they slid the door closed, the Tel'tak took off. What followed was a frantic race to freedom. Selmak took control of the commands and he maneuvered the ship in a constant zigzag to dodge the fire. Despite the cloaking and the shields, a couple of blasts scratched the ship’s fuselage, but the damage was minimal. As soon as they reached the outer space, Selmak connected the hyper-drive, and they lost sight of the enemy. They all breathed a sigh of relief and then returned to their most serious matter- Daniel.

Teal’c had laid him on one of the platforms used as beds, and Janet was already attending him. During the one-week trip, Janet had turned part of the ship into a field hospital. She hooked the archaeologist to a heart and an EEG monitor, attached an IV to his wrist, and started a drip. She also placed a nasal cannula in his nostrils and was preparing him to draw blood when Jack and Sam joined her. The major sat next to the archaeologist, brushed a strand of hair off his forehead, and combed his locks tenderly. Jack couldn’t help but feel a stab of jealousy.

“How is he doing?” Sam asked first.

“He’s severely dehydrated,” the doctor informed them. “I started with a saline solution. His pupils are dilated and sluggish. It’s likely due to the drugs, but I don’t rule out some sort of brain damage. The EEG doesn’t show significant anomalies so far, so we'll know for sure when he wakes up.”

“And this is gonna be when, exactly?” Jack asked impatiently. Brain damage and Daniel was something he didn’t want to hear in the same sentence, not now, not ever.

“I have no idea,” Janet confessed. “I have no clue of what they gave to him. The blood test will tell us more. I don’t dare to give him any medication until I know what we’re dealing with.”

“But he’s going to be ok, right?” Anxiety was evident in Jack’s voice.

“Honestly, Sir, I don’t know. He’s stable for now. His temperature is quite low and his heartbeat is quick and weak, but both rates, although far from optimal, are within acceptable parameters. I'm not expecting a crisis anytime soon.” She finished with the extraction of blood. “I'm going to analyze this right away. Meanwhile, he could use a sponge bath.”

“I'll do it,” Sam volunteered.

“No, Carter, I'll do it. Go join Teal’c and your father,” Jack suggested.

“Sir?”

“It’s just… he might regain consciousness any time and well, he might feel more comfortable if I… you know.” He just needed some time alone with his lover, but it wasn’t as if he could tell her, of course.

Sam was about to protest, but something in her CO expression stopped her.

“Ok,” she agreed. “Just tell me if you need me, ok?”

“Sure.”

Once she had left, he approached his lover and stroke his cheek tenderly. “We'll get through this, you hear me? We'll get through this,” he whispered.

Janet had left a basin with water and a piece of cloth at the foot of the improvised bed. Jack removed the blanket that covered Daniel’s body and a mixture of rage and sadness invaded him at the view. The archaeologist had lost at least ten pounds, probably more. His stomach was sunken and Jack could count the ribs. His skin was extremely pale, almost translucid. His abdomen and lower body were soaked with his own urine. Jack wrinkled his nose to the smell. He drenched the piece of cloth with the warm water and began to wash him with tender movements. He had to admit to himself that he was scared. His mind wandered four years ago when Daniel had got addicted to the Goa’uld sarcophagus. It had been bad, and he had been hooked to the damn thing for less than two weeks. This time he had been under the clutches of Osiris for almost three months. Who knew what the effects would be. For starters, when they had found him he was obviously in pain, and now he was unconscious and with no signs of waking up anytime soon. He promised himself that no matter what, he would be at his side. They had been together for one year and a half, since the incident with the light, and both of them were one hundred percent committed to their relationship. He loved him with all his heart and soul, he couldn’t imagine his life without him anymore. They would get through this. Any other option was just inconceivable.

Once he finished washing his lover, Jack covered him again with the blanket. He sat on the platform next to him and took his hand. He brought it to his lips and kissed him gently. At that moment, Janet appeared carrying a pair of scrubs.

“The results will take a while,” she informed him as she offered him the clothes. “Colonel, I… hmm…”

“Spit it, Major.” Jack rarely referred to the doctor by her rank. It made clear that he knew she wasn’t going to talk about Daniel’s medical condition.

“Sir, I… hmm… Daniel has never been at the hands of the enemy for so long before. Whatever Osiris made to him… the information we have until now points out to an arduous recovery. I understand that you’ll want to support him during the process, but we’ll be stuck on this ship at least for a week, and well, it’s a small place with no… walls.” Janet cleared her throat.

"That's why I'm going to tell them,” Jack stated firmly.

“Sir?”

“Look, doc, this isn’t some sort of midlife crisis affair. This is forever. You said it yourself. This is going to be tough. Right now he doesn’t need his CO or his friend. He needs his partner and I’m not going to hide. At this moment, I give a damn about my career. I will retire if it’s necessary, but we committed to each other long ago. He is my partner at all effects and I won’t leave him alone.”

Janet was stunned by the deep love, determination, and concern she could read in the colonel’s eyes. He had always been good at hiding his emotions. He and Daniel had been together for one year and a half, and she had just realized it a few days ago. But now, the seriousness of the situation had broken all his walls.

Suddenly the monitor that was measuring Daniel’s vitals beeped like crazy, and the archaeologist's body started to convulse.

“He’s having a seizure!” Janet shouted. “Colonel, help me to roll him on his side!”

Sam and Teal’c, who had heard the commotion from the bridge, quickly appeared on scene. The Jaffa's strong arms pinned the archaeologist’s legs to the platform while Jack and Sam held his arms and shoulders. Janet filled a syringe while the spams continued shaking Daniel’s body uncontrollably. A thick stream of foam trickled from his mouth. Janet injected the contents of the syringe into the IV port. After a long minute, Daniel’s body relaxed, and they rolled him on his back again.

“I don’t like those readings,” Janet said, looking at the monitors. “God, I hope I didn’t make things worse. We need to increase the oxygen supply.”

Jack and Teal’c moved aside as Sam helped the doctor to remove the nasal cannula. The colonel’s heart climbed to his mouth as Janet attached an oxygen mask to his lover’s face and started to bag him. Once the doctor was minimally satisfied with the readings, she stopped the bagging but left the mask in its place.

“What was that?” Jack asked, fear clear in his voice.

“He’s probably experiencing symptoms of withdrawal. He's stable now, but I don’t know what we can expect next.”

Jack sat again on the platform next to Daniel and took his hand in his. He removed the sweaty locks that were plastered on his forehead and carded his hair tenderly.

“Carter, Teal’c, I…” he cleared his throat. “This isn’t probably the best moment, but… hmm… there’s something you need to know.”

“Oh, my God,” Sam covered her mouth with her hand at the realization. “You and Daniel…”

“Yeah…”

“But… but I thought…” Sam’s eyes were wide open in shock.

“Yeah, I was afraid of that, I’m sorry, Carter.

“But you said…”

“That I care for you way more than I should? That I'd rather die than lose you?” He gave her an apologetic look.

Sam just nodded, unable to find her voice anymore.

“I still feel the same, Carter. We are much more than a team,” Jack explained. “We are family. I’d die for any of you. What do you think I would have done if it had been Teal’c, for example, the one trapped in that force field?”

Sam’s eyes wetted at the meaning of her CO words. “They didn’t leave,” she whispered. “Even knowing that the ship was going to blow up… “ she looked at Teal’c, her eyes wide open. “You… didn’t leave. You disobeyed a direct order. You… you two could have died as well.”

Teal’c bowed his head in affirmance.

“You knew, didn’t you?” She asked her Jaffa friend.

“Indeed, I had my suspicions. The bond between O’Neill and DanielJackson is strong. I am surprised that it took them so long to admit their feelings for each other.”

“How long?” Sam’s looked at Jack intently.

“Since the incident with the light.” Jack continued stroking his lover’s face where the oxygen mask let him. “I admit I was confused about my feelings for you for a while, but after almost losing Daniel twice… the only thought was unbearable. What I feel for him is way beyond anything I've felt before.”

“Even for your wife?”

“Yes, even for Sara,” Jack nodded before returning his gaze to his inert lover.

“But, but… I don’t understand, you both were married to a woman. Sir, are… are you gay? Sorry, sorry,” he hurried to add. “That’s none of my business.”

“No, it’s not, but I’ll answer you anyway, as a friend. I had never been in love with a man before, so I guess that makes me, what, bisexual? I don’t really care. The question is that Daniel is my life partner, he’s going to need all my love and support and he’ll have them.

Sam pressed her lips together and nodded. “It’s alright, you don’t need to explain anything. I mean, you never told me you were in love with me, you don’t owe me anything. It’s just, well, I’m quite… astonished, but if I’m honest with myself, I… I have to admit that it doesn’t hurt as much as it was supposed to,” she frowned slightly. “I mean, I guess I hero-worshiped you for a while and well, obviously I misunderstood your words. I thought you loved me and well, it was, you know… flattering.”

“So, are we going to be ok?” Jack asked her.

“Yes, Sir. I’m glad we cleared it up. My only regret is that we didn’t do it before. Teal’c is right. Your relationship with Daniel has always been special. After everything you’ve been through, you both deserve to be happy. I’m glad you found each other.”

“Thank you, Carter,” Jack smiled sincerely.

“Oh, Sir, by the way,” Sam added. “You know I love Daniel like a brother, right?”

“Yeah?”

“You hurt him, and you’ll have to deal with me.”

Jack swallowed hard.

“Indeed,” Teal’c raised his eyebrow and smiled mischievously.

Janet broke the uncomfortable silence that followed. “I'm going to check the results of the blood test. They should be ready soon. Keep an eye on Daniel and tell me if there is any change on those readings.” She headed toward the makeshift laboratory.

“I should inform Jacob about the situation,” Jack told Sam. “Daniel needs me and I’m not going to hide our relationship during this trip.”

“Do you mind if I do it, Sir?” Sam suggested. “He needs to see that I’m ok with that.”

“Yeah, no problem, go ahead.”

Sam headed to the bridge, leaving the colonel and the Jaffa alone.

“What about you, T? Are you gonna be ok with this?” Jack glanced at his friend.

“This kind of relationship isn’t uncommon between the Jaffa. We don’t share many of your preconceptions. As I said before, I believe you and DanielJackson share a significant, genuine bond. Therefore, you have all my support,” Teal’c bowed his head.

“Thanks, T, that means a lot to me.”

With Teal’c’s help, Jack dressed Daniel in the scrubs. Then, the two friends stayed silent while kept vigil at the archaeologist’s side. Half an hour later, Sam joined them.

“Well, it didn’t come so much as a surprise as I thought,” she shrugged. “Looks like dad and Selmak already had his suspicions.”

The three friends make themselves as comfortable as possible on the hard platforms and watched Daniel, attentive to any possible change on his still form or the monitor readings.

Janet appeared half an hour later, and the expression on her face augured nothing good. Jack and the others tensed.

“I've got the results of the tests. There are remains of several alien substances in his blood, but I guess that they didn’t give him anything in days. I think they didn’t even feed him. Everything is out of balance. He has anemia, low sugar level, low white cells count…” she hesitated for one moment, visibly altered.

“There is more, isn’t it?” Jack's gut feeling told him he wasn’t going to like what the doctor had to say.

“It seems that those… those substances… at least one of them, whatever it was, ultimately acted as a poison.”

“Doc?” Jack’s face lost all color.

Janet swallowed hard and looked at him with gloomy eyes. “His liver and kidneys are severely damaged.”

Jack held her gaze. “Doctor, what are you telling me?"

Janet’s eyes lost all their brightness and she could barely speak through the lump in her throat. “Colonel… he's… he’s dying.”


	4. Chapter 4

Jack felt as if someone had punched him in the gut, hard. He didn’t even hear Sam’s gasp or Teal'c's grunt. “But… but there has to be something you can do!”

“Not with the limited equipment I have here,” Janet shook his head. “Right now his only choice is…”

“Selmak!” Sam interrupted her.

Janet nodded. “Let’s hope he can help him. Otherwise, he won’t make it through the week.”

“Dad!” Sam shouted towards the bridge.

“I will substitute JacobCarter at the ship commands,” Teal’c left in search of the Tok’ra.

Jacob joined the group, a look of concern on his face. He and Jack exchange a glance of understanding and he focused on the archaeologist. Janet explained Daniel’s condition to the former general. The brief glow in Jacob's eyes indicated that Selmak had taken control of the situation. He grabbed the healing device from inside his belt bag and started to work. He took a deep inhalation and closed his eyes in concentration. Soon the familiar orange light ran along Daniel’s body. Jack, Sam, and Janet held their breath. Jack’s heart was slamming his ribcage. After everything his lover had been through those last months, dying was not an option. He wouldn’t accept that. He hardened his features and watched stoically as Jacob made work the healing device. It was his way to conceal the angst that was eating him alive. Sam and Janet, however, weren’t so good at concealing their emotions. The constant glances of deep concern they shared were driving Jack to the edge. Just when he was about to explode, Selmak turned off the device. Three pairs of eyes stared at him with expectation.

“The damage was severe,” the Tok’ra distorted voice resounded in the room. “I've done everything I could, but the remains of the drugs continue attacking his organs.”

“What are you saying, Jacob?” Jack’s voice didn’t sound as steady as he intended.

“His own body will have to fight this battle. Now, everything depends on him.” Selmak made Jacob’s eyes glow. He bowed his head, blinked once, and the former general was in control again.

“Anything we can do to help him, doc?” Jack asked Janet.

“His body needs to recover its strength. We'll have to feed him through a nasogastric tube. The oxygen levels have improved thanks to Selmak's treatment, so there’s no need for the mask.”

Janet began to work under the attentive look of the others. With Jack and Sam's help, she inserted the tube through Daniel’s nose and guided its way to his stomach. She started the feeding immediately. Then she asked for some privacy as she inserted a Foley catheter into the archaeologist’s urethra. During the whole procedure, the archaeologist didn’t even stir.

“That’s all I can do for him for now,” Janet informed them when she finished. “Colonel, you can talk to him, but don't try to wake him up,” she said, assuming that the man wouldn’t leave his lover’s bedside.

Jack nodded, and Janet and Sam left them alone. The colonel resumed his sitting position next to Daniel. His face crumpled at the view. With all those wires and tubes attached to his body, the archaeologist looked small and fragile. Jack took his hand. It was freezing cold. He brought it to his lips to kiss it softly.

“God, Daniel, look at you,” he whispered. “You heard Jacob, you have to fight, baby. Don’t you dare to leave me, you hear me? I can’t lose you too, I just can’t.”

Jack knew Janet was right, Daniel’s body needed to rest what was necessary to regain some of its strength, but at this moment he was dying for holding his lover into his arms and pray him to wake up. Janet had said that brain damage was a possibility. He couldn’t even begin to consider that option. The idea that the brilliant mind of his lover could have been affected somehow… the only thought made his gut roll and a feeling of dread spread from the pit of his stomach to his heart.

Suddenly, something caught Jack’s attention. He saw something moving out of the corner of his eye. He turned around and found himself looking at two bright green eyes embedded in a ball of fur which leaned out a container next to the wall. He instantly recognized Adam’s cat. He hadn’t even realized it had followed them into the ship.

“Looks like we have a stowaway. Hey there!” the colonel greeted the beautiful animal. Jack was more a dogs person, but he hadn’t escaped the detail of Adam telling them that he had left his cat with Daniel to keep him company, so if the cat was looking for a friend, or what the hell, a new owner, he was more than ok with that.

“Come here, beautiful,” he invited softly. “Do you wanna see Daniel? I’m sure he’ll like to see you when he wakes up.”

The cat observed Jack for a while as if trying to determine whether he was a friend or foe. After a few seconds, it meowed softly and made its choice. It climbed to the platform elegantly and curled up into a ball next to the sick man. Jack petted it and the animal purred happily.

***

For the next two days, neither Jack nor the cat moved from Daniel’s side. The last blood test showed that the alien cocktail of drugs had practically worn off. As Jacob had predicted, the substance had continued affecting his organs, but the damage wasn’t as severe as before. His heartbeat steadied to a healthier rate and his temperature rose. Hopefully, Jacob wouldn’t need to use the healing device again. During those days the archaeologist suffered two more episodes of convulsions, probably due to the withdrawal, but Janet stabilized him quickly.

On the third day, around midday, Daniel began to show signs of waking up. He stirred slightly, but he didn’t open his eyes yet. Janet removed the catheter and the nasogastric tube to minimize his discomfort once he finally woke up.

***

As soon as he started to regain consciousness, Daniel felt that something was different. The surface where he was lying was harder than usual. Where was he? Why wasn’t he in his bed? Had they moved him to another room? What had happened to him? He tried to access his last memory, but everything was blurry. He could just remember bits and pieces. He remembered his mother talking to him, stroking his face tenderly, loving him. He also had memories of Sarah keeping him company, smiling at him, talking to him about forgotten stories of their life together. But he also remembered pain, confusion. Everything was messy in his mind. He couldn’t pinpoint the order, what had happened first and what next, or whether the memories were of recent events or belonged far away in time. It felt as if a thick cloud were stuffed into his brain.

The next thing he was aware of was the coldness and numbness of his body. Whether he was shivering or not, he couldn’t tell. He needed to open his eyes to understand what was going on. He tried, but his eyelids felt too heavy. Then he heard the voices. Two different ones. A woman and a man? They sounded distant and distorted and couldn’t recognize them. His parents? Sarah? Dr. Roberts?

He tried again to open his eyes. The voices sounded closer and more urgent now, but he still couldn’t understand what they were saying. He felt pressure in his hand. Someone was squeezing his hand. Mom?

Jack and Janet were hovering over Daniel, encouraging him to wake up. His eyelashes had started to flutter a couple of minutes ago. He was struggling to open his eyes, but it was obvious he was having difficulties. Lying next to him, Egeria the cat was watching the scene with curiosity.

“C'mon, Danny, show me your baby blues, it's ok, you’re safe, you can wake up, please baby, open your eyes, I'm here, you’re safe.” Jack squeezed his lover’s hand a bit harder.

“Daniel, can you hear me? It’s Janet, it’s ok, you can wake up now.”

Finally, the archaeologist managed to half lift his eyelids to show a dull and unfocused gaze. From his supine position, Daniel was conscious that he had opened his eyes, but everything was covered by fog. He distinguished two shadows over him. Mom? Dad? They were talking to him, but he couldn’t distinguish the words.

“Hey there,” Janet said when she finally saw the blue irises of his patient and friend. “Daniel, can you hear me?”

The archaeologist moved his mouth, but no sound came out.

“Can you hear me? If you can’t talk just move your head” Janet instructed him.

Daniel's foggy mind translated some of the words. The woman was talking to him. Yes, he could hear her. The voice wasn’t clear, but it was there.

“M-m-m-o-m?”

Jack and the doctor exchanged looks. Obviously, Daniel had been dreaming about his parents and was disoriented, nothing abnormal under the circumstances.

“Can you tell me your name?” Janet followed the usual drill.

Daniel tried to focus his gaze, but it was useless. He frowned as if he was trying to concentrate.

“Do you remember your name?” Janet insisted.

Jack held his breath. In one moment his mind pictured several possible scenarios, every one of them worse than the previous, but none of them prepared him for Daniel’s answer.

“D-D-David Mi-Mi-Miller,” he croaked.

The colonel’s heart skipped a beat and looked at Janet in bewilderment. She blinked repeatedly, cleared her throat, and tried again.

“I’m sorry, can you repeat your name?”

“D-David, David… Mi-Miller.”

“What the hell…? Doc, what’s wrong with him?!” Jack’s heart began to pound faster. His previous uneasiness increased tenfold.

“Colonel, please, calm down,” Janet’s said firmly.

“You ask me to calm down? He doesn’t even know his name?! What the hell did that bitch to him?!”

“Colonel, please! That’s what we’re trying to find out!” Her apparent firmness couldn’t conceal the fear in her voice.

Daniel flinched, and Janet glared at Jack for a second before returning her attention to her patient. She lifted his eyelids and pointed her penlight to his pupils. Daniel tried to fight the invasion turning his head, but his movements were weak and slow. Who were those people? He couldn’t recognize his parents' voices, or Dr. Roberts’ or Sarah’s, or nurse Rose. They sounded angry. Had he done anything wrong? And where was he? He felt so confused… He tried to focus his sight again. Everything was dark. He found himself surrounded by golden and black, nothing to do with the white walls in the hospital. He wanted to ask those people what was going on, but his mouth was parched, and his tongue felt like sandpaper. He was incredibly thirsty.

“Wa-wa… ter… pl’se… pl'se…”

“Colonel.”

Understanding the message, Jack grabbed Daniel by his upper back and helped him to a semi-sitting position. The archaeologist tried to resist at first, but he quickly gave up. With his current strength, he probably couldn’t even crush an ant. Something cold and wet touched his lips. He realized it was a spoon. He opened his mouth and welcomed the fresh water. Janet offered him some more spoonfuls while Jack held him.

“Th’nks.”

Daniel closed his eyes, and Jack helped his body to lie again on the hard surface.

“What’s wrong with him?” Jack stared at Janet, fear radiating from his eyes.

“Honestly, I don’t know,” the petite doctor shook her head. “Although a bit sluggish, his pupils are equal and reactive and the EEG doesn’t show significant anomalies. It doesn’t appear to be brain damage.” She returned her attention to the archaeologist. “David, sweetheart, can you open your eyes for me?”

“Janet, what the hell…?”

“Sir, it’s better if we play along until we know what’s going on,” she shrugged, not even convinced herself.

Jack scrubbed his short hair in frustration. “Oh, for cryin' out loud!” This was a nightmare, he just wanted his lover back.

“Honey, can you try to open your eyes?” Janet insisted gently.

His eyes. He just needed to open his eyes. He could do it. He had done it before. God, he felt so fuzzy-headed… he couldn’t think straight. He lifted his eyelids slowly. Two faces were hovering over him.

“Mom?”

He blinked several times until the blurry forms in front of him began to sharpen. Once his brain cells processed the images he was looking at, he wide opened his eyes in sheer terror. Seeing this, Jack's automatic response was to try to reach his lover’s face.

“Daniel?”

“No!” The archaeologist flinched at the view of the colonel’s hand approaching. “No! Get away from me! You’re not real!”

“Danny, what…?”

“No! God! No, no, no, no!” He started to shake uncontrollably as he tried to drag his body backward, away from the hallucination. The movement startled the cat, which jumped to the floor and ran away. Daniel turned his head in all directions. He knew this place. It was part of his imaginary world, too. What was happening? Dr. Roberts had said he was getting better. He hadn’t had hallucinations in… what? Weeks? Months? All his memories were a mess.

Sam and Teal’c heard the commotion from the bridge and went to see what was going on. As soon as they appeared on the scene, Janet raised a hand to stop them. They didn’t need to add fuel to the fire.

“Daniel… David, you need to calm down,” Janet used his gentlest tone.

“No! This isn’t real, this isn’t real…” Daniel panted, his eyes glued to his forgotten friends. In his attempt to escape, his body bumped against something hard and he leaned against it.

“Danny, it’s me, Jack.” The colonel was at a loss. He couldn’t understand what was happening, and he had no idea what to do.

“No!” Daniel squeezed his eyes shut, covered his ears with his hands, and started to rock back and forth. “This isn’t real, this isn’t real, this isn’t real…”

“Daniel, you were captured months ago. Don’t you remember?” Janet tried a direct approach. “It’s ok now, you’re safe…”

“NO! God, no, noooo…” Suddenly he began to sob uncontrollably, thick tears rolling down his cheeks. “Where is mom? Mom! Moooom!”

Jack’s heart shattered into a million pieces. This wasn’t his Daniel. Whatever that son of a bitch had done to him, he had wrecked his mind completely. The more he and Janet tried to reach him, the louder Daniel’s cried. Sam and Teal’c watched the scene in complete shock. What was happening to their friend? He looked absolutely terrified, and he didn’t seem to recognize either Jack or Janet. The doctor left for a few seconds and reappeared with a syringe in her hand. She sent Jack and Teal’c a conspiratorial look, and both of them nodded in acknowledgment. They launched towards the distressed archaeologist and gripped him.

“No! Noooo!” Daniel struggled and filled the room with panicked, heart-wrenching sobs. “Mom! Help me! Mom! Moooooom!”

Janet jabbed his upper arm with the needle. Daniel cried while fought his friends for some more seconds. Then, as the sedative kicked in, his body relaxed and went limp in Jack’s arms. The colonel froze for a moment, trying to digest what had just happened. Then he engulfed Daniel’s unconscious body into a fierce hug and held him tightly while allowed his own heart rate to return to a healthy rate. That had started way worse than any of the possible scenarios he had imagined. The feeling of dread that had been his companion since the rescue had turned into sheer terror. What if Daniel had been damaged permanently? God, he couldn’t even consider that option. There had to be something they could do. If Daniel’s condition was due to the drugs, he would get better once they wore off completely, right?

He stayed like that for a few seconds more, just inhaling his lover’s scent, making sure that he was real, that despite his condition he was alive, and that meant there was hope. He gave his body a last squeeze and laid him on the platform gently. He removed the tear tracks with his thumbs and looked at Janet with pleading eyes.

“What has just happened?” he asked, his voice at the edge of cracking.

“Janet?” Sam moved closer.

“I… I don’t know. He wasn’t himself, he said his name was David Miller, and he kept saying that we are not real,” Janet replied with haunted eyes. "He called his... mother."

“Brainwash?” Jack suggested.

“Everything is possible. Teal’c, have you ever heard of something like this?”

“I do not, DoctorFraiser.” Teal’c explained. “Many have suffered the condition that affected my son Ry’ac or myself some time ago, but I never heard of anyone who claimed to be another person.”

“Whatever it is, we need to deal with it,” Janet stated. “He’ll sleep for a couple of hours but I can’t have him sedated indefinitely,” Janet said

“Maybe Selmak can help?” Sam shrugged.

They all went to meet Jacob, who had stayed on the bridge keeping an eye on the ship's commands. They explained the situation to him. Unlike Teal’c, Daniel’s symptoms sounded familiar to Selmak.

“I know of two people who were kidnapped and slaved by the Goa’uld. When they were found, they responded to other names and claimed to be different people. In both cases, they strongly believed they were the consorts of their lords.”

“But isn’t it what happens to all the Goa’uld consorts? Like what happened to Daniel’s wife when she was possessed by Amounet?” Sam frowned in confusion.

“Yes, except that no symbiote possessed those people,” Selmak explained.

“What happened to them?” Jack asked.

Selmak stared directly at him through Jacob’s eyes. “They both committed suicide shortly after their rescue.”

“Oh, my God,” Sam whispered in shock.

Jack’s stomach knotted. “I won’t let that happen to him,” he said, holding Selmak’s gaze. “He'll get through it. He's not alone.”

“Neither was Edeleen, one of the victims.” Jacob’s eyes glowed by the action of his symbiote. “She was the little sister of Saroosh, my former host. It happened long ago, years before our blending.

Four pairs of eyes wide-opened in shock. Selmak explained to them how Edeleen’s family had tried without success to reach her mind. After five days, unable to deal with her situation, she threw herself off a cliff.

“I won’t let that anything like that happens to him!” Jack exclaimed adamantly.

“DanieJackson values life greatly. He would never choose such a course of action,” Teal’c stated firmly.

“That’s the problem, Teal’c. He is not Daniel anymore,” Selmak replied.

“The hell he isn’t!” Jack protested. “That bitch may have scrambled his brain, but he is Daniel! He is there, somewhere, and we'll bring him back!”

Selmak withdrew, and Jacob took his place.

“He’s right, dad,” Sam supported her CO. "We're family, we've been through hell and back, and we'll get through this, too.”

“I know, kiddo,” Jacob smiled at his daughter. “I was there, remember? If anyone can achieve the impossible, it’s you, Daniel included.”

“You’re damn right, Jacob.” Jack’s faced showed his determination. “He’s my partner, his life means to me more than anything and I won’t let him down.”

“Oh, Jack, by the way, about that…” Jacob raised his eyebrows. “You hurt the kid, and you'll have to deal with me.”

“Huh! What’s got into you, Carters, today?”

***

Jack asked for some minutes with his lover alone. When he went back to his bedside, he found the cat curled up on his chest. He doubted for a moment whether he should move it away, but both human and feline looked comfortable, so he just petted it briefly, and sat on the floor. He had never understood why the tel'tak ships only had seats for the pilots and nothing more than the sleeping platforms for the passengers. Daniel would wake up soon, and they didn’t really have any plan. Janet had said that his behavior would be unpredictable, and the only thing she would be able to do was to treat the physical symptoms whenever they appeared, and resort to sedatives if the archaeologist became violent or tried to harm himself.

Jack scrubbed his face and looked at his lover. His face was turned towards him. He traced his beautiful features with his eyes. He had missed him so much… He was head over heels in love with that man. He had never thought that such a connection with another human being was possible. He had always felt a special bond with the archaeologist, but since the moment he had stopped denying his true feelings and they had started their romantic relationship, life had gained a new meaning. Now, a life without Daniel in it was just inconceivable. He would bring his mind back, or both of them would succumb trying.

“I love you so much, baby,” he whispered to the still body. “I'll do everything in my hand to get you back to me, I promise. You’re my life. We're in this together, and I swear to God that I won’t give up on you. No matter how hard this is gonna be, I won’t let you down.”

A few minutes later Janet appeared and checked Daniel’s vital signs.

“His heartbeat and temperature have increased.”

“Yeah, I noticed that,” Jack confirmed.

“He has a low-grade fever, I’ll give him…”

A soft moan interrupted her. Both Janet and the colonel tensed. Egeria, the cat raised its head and looked at its new owner. Daniel stirred slightly, and a whimper escaped his lips. As he started to regain consciousness, he noticed a weight on his chest. At the first moment he stiffened, but then he realized the sensation was familiar. He cracked open his eyes and saw a pair of bright green eyes embedded in a small furry face staring at him. He recognized the cat, his companion for the last… what? Days? Weeks? He didn’t really remember. He let out a sound between a laugh and a sob. He was safe in his room again. Dr. Roberts must have come and given him his medication. His arm felt heavy, but he managed to lift it and put his hand on the animal’s soft head to stroke it. Egeria meowed and Daniel smiled.

“Daniel…?”

He froze. God, no, not again.

“Danny, it's me, Jack…”

He didn’t want to see. He started to tremble. He squeezed his eyes shut and clasped his ears, but it wasn’t enough. It didn’t prevent him from hearing the voices he knew didn’t exist.

“Daniel, sweetie, it’s Janet. We're real, please, we just want to help you.”

“No!” he sobbed as he tightened his eyes and hands. He was shaking harder now.

“Danny, please, look at us, we’re real and we’re here.” Despite the angst of seeing his lover in such a state, Jack kept a calm tone. Janet looked at him and nodded her approval.

The archaeologist shook his head. “My name is David. Daniel is dead, he died long ago, he’s dead, he’s dead, he’s dead, he’s dead…” his voice faded to nothing when he chocked in his sobs.

“Danny, I know you think we’re a hallucination, but I swear to you, we’re real,” Jack insisted. “Please open your eyes.”

“God, stop, please stop, stop, stop, stop…”

Jack reached out a hand and touched Daniel’s shoulder tentatively. The younger man snap opened his eyes and looked at him with panic-filled eyes. Golden and darkness surrounded him. He looked around and started to hyperventilate. His heart rate increased, and the monitor went crazy.

“Ok, ok, David,” Janet lifted her hands and showed her palms in the sign of peace. “We’re not gonna hurt you, but you need to calm down.”

Daniel looked at her as if she had grown another head. His hallucination was telling him to calm down? He laughed at the absurdity of the situation. Hysterical laughs mixed with strangled sobs echoed on the tel'tak walls. The monitor beeped faster. Suddenly, sweat covered Daniel’s body, and he started to gag. Instinct made that both Jack and Janet stepped forward, and Daniel entered full panic mode.

He jumped off the platform, but after so many weeks of inactivity his legs felt soft as jelly and he crashed on the floor, pulling out the IV in his way. Jack launched towards him, but Janet stopped him. Touching him would only make things worst, and she didn’t want to sedate him again if she could help it. Daniel's elbow crawled away from them, but there was nowhere to go. Soon he bumped against a wall. He didn’t have the strength to stand up, so he just pressed himself against the corner. He clasped his ears again and tried to make himself as small as possible.

He continued gagging and finally threw up all over himself and the floor. Jack stepped forward and Janet stopped him again.

“Janet, we need to do something. I need to do something!” He exclaimed out of frustration.

“Colonel, he’s terrified. If we move closer we're risking…”

“What?! A panic attack! Barfing?! Tell me how this can get worse!” Jack growled as he pointed at his lover.

Daniel's bloodshot eyes were wide-opened now. He was clutching his stomach as dry-heaves shook his already abused body. A thin layer of sweat covered his ashen skin and mixed with the tears on his face. Blood was gushing from his wrist, where the IV had been pulled out. His arms and scrubs were filthy with blood and vomit.

Jack’s heart shattered at the view and suppressed a sob. “God, Dan-ny… Janet, please, I need to do something.”

“Ok, ok,” Janet agreed. “If anyone can reach him, it's you. But, colonel, avoid sudden movements.”

Jack nodded and got down on his knees. He saw Sam and Teal’c out of the corner of his eye. They were watching the scene from a few yards away with deep concern written on their faces, and ready to take part when needed.

Daniel finally stopped dry-heaving, and stayed in his position, panting, sobbing, and whimpering. Jack’s heart constricted further and his gut knotted painfully. His lover, the man who possessed the most brilliant mind on Earth, the owner of the most beautiful and compassionate soul, lay in front of him, reduced to a total wreck. Jack’s blood boiled. He swore to himself that he’d reward Osiris with the slowest and most painful death he could imagine. But that would have to wait. The most urgent matter was to get Daniel back.

He crawled toward the archaeologist slowly, as if he was approaching a wounded wild animal. The more he moved closer, the harder Daniel sobbed. His body was shaking uncontrollably.

“N-o-o-o-o… God, n-n-o… pl’se…”

“I'm not gonna hurt you, I just wanna talk to you,” he said softly. “You like words, don’t you? I just wanna talk.”

Janet held her breath while watched. Sam and Teal’c moved a little closer cautiously. As Jack approached, Daniel plastered against the corner harder if possible. Suddenly his body stiffened in terror, his breathing coming now in quick gasps. It was Jack’s worst dream back again. Images from other time came to mind inevitably; Daniel in a similar position leaning against a white, padded wall, Daniel sitting on the floor in a storage room pointing a gun to his face… in both cases, Daniel had gotten over it. It wouldn’t be different this time.

Jack moved another foot forward, and Daniel howled. His eyes were glued to the older man's.

“Stop! You’re not real! Stopstopstopstop…”

Jack didn’t move closer. “I'm real, all this is real. You must listen to me. Something happened to you, something terrible, and now you’re confused. I just wanna help you.”

“No! Nooooo!” Daniel sobbed, his damp face a picture of complete and utter terror. “Whe… where… are my pa-pa-parents? I want… to see m-mom… I- I want to see Sa-Sarah…”

“She is not who you think she is,” Jack stated. “She is dangerous, you must stay away from her.”

“Colonel…” Janet warned.

“No! You’re lying! She’s my… my wife! She'd never hurt m-me. Sarah! Help me! God… mom, help me! Help me… help… me…” his shoulders shook again at the rhythm of his sobs.

“They aren’t here, they hurt you, they did this to you.” Jack’s heart was in his mouth. He could feel its wild pounding reverberating into his ears.

“Shut up!” Daniel yelled, his eyes bloodshot.

“You must listen to me, please. Your name is Daniel, Daniel Jackson, you’re an archaeologist. You work in a secret military program called Stargate. You’re on my team. Do you remember me? I'm J…”

“Shut up! I know who you are! I created you! I created all of you in my mind! You, and Janet, and those ones over there, Sam and Teal’c! I created you all, you don’t exist!”

He was so confused. He couldn’t understand why the delusions kept invading his mind. Had the medication stopped working? Was he being medicated at all? Had something happened to Dr. Roberts? And where was his mother? Adele always made him feel better. She would never abandon him. He needed her more than ever. Where was she?

Suddenly a sharp pain pierced his skull. He cried out as he clutched his head with his hands and his breathing quickened. It seemed like his eyes were going to pop out of their sockets. Dry-heaves assaulted his body again, and he struggled to bring air into his lungs. He was choking with his own mucus and saliva. In less than a second, Janet kneeled in front of him.

“Please, you need to calm down, we just want to help you, but you have to relax first.”

At Janet’s approach, Daniel panicked further.

“I won’t come closer, I'm not gonna touch you, but you need to relax. Please, sweetie, try to take deep breaths, you can do it.”

Delusion or not, Daniel tried it, but it felt as if his airways were closed. He crumpled to the floor, gasping and writhing like a fish out of the water while the others watched, impotent.

“Janet, do something! He’s suffocating!” Jack shouted in despair.

Daniel’s movements became weaker and his eyes began to close. Janet appeared with an oxygen mask and put it on his friend’s face. Jack couldn’t help but take his hand and whisper words of comfort to him.

“Just breath, baby, breath, you’re gonna be ok, God Danny, breath, breath…”

Daniel’s breathing evened little by little. When it reached an acceptable rate, Janet removed the mask. While the archaeologist was lost in his paranoia, she didn’t want to intervene more than what was strictly necessary. He seemed to relax and lay on the floor unmoving, his eyes closed.

The metallic floor felt like ice to Daniel’s feverish body. His head and stomach hurt. The stink of his own vomit made him feel nauseous, but he didn’t have the strength or the will to move. What would be the point? They were still there. He could feel them. He trusted his parents and Dr. Roberts. And Sarah, too. They would find a way to make the hallucinations disappear. He just needed to lay still until the medication took effect.

“Daniel, please,” it was Jack talking. “You have to let us help you. You're bleeding, please Danny, I'm gonna come closer, ok?”

His voice was gentle as if he was talking to a scared, lost child. But Daniel wouldn’t let them fool him.

“Daniel, please, open your eyes. Please look at me, it’s me, I'm real, baby, and I love you, remember? You’re my life, Danny, please, we'll get through this together, but you have to let us help you, please, I love you.”

Jack’s words felt like daggers to Daniel’s heart. Of course, he remembered. He had many memories of their life together, of the deep love and passion they had felt for each other. He remembered the day they had committed into their relationship when they had sworn each other endless love. But he also remembered the unbearable pain that consumed him once he realized they were false memories, a part of that fake life his ill mind had created in an attempt to escape his painful reality. He couldn’t surrender to the hallucinations again. If he did, once the reality clashed, the pain would be back. He couldn’t go through that again, he couldn’t. He had to stop it.

He snapped open his eyes and before anyone had time to react; he threw himself over Jack and tackled him with a strength he didn’t think he possessed.

“Shut up, shut up! Shut the hell up!”

Daniel’s fist connected with the older man’s jaw. Before he had time to deliver another blow, Teal’c grabbed him and pinned him against the floor.

“You must not fight us, DanielJackson. We are your friends, we only wish you good.”

“I'm not Daniel Jackson, Daniel died! He was crushed in the museum together with his parents! I'm David Miller!”

In no time Janet was there, syringe in hand.

Daniel tried to fight, but Teal’c held him in an iron grip. Janet injected the sedative while Daniel kept struggling, claiming his identity.

“My name is David Miller, I'm a teacher at the Languages academy in… Chicago, I'm married… to Sarah… my… my parents are… Michael and… Adele… Miller… please… some… one… help… me… my name… is David… Miller… I'm a… tea…” his voice faded to nothing as the drug took effect and he slipped into unconsciousness.

Sam crouched next to Jack and checked his injury. His jaw was red and had started to swell.

“Are you alright, Sir?”

“This might be your stupidest question ever,” he growled as he clutched his face.

“I'm sorry, Sir,” she lowered her gaze.

Jack sighed as he saw the hurt in her eyes.

“No, Carter, I am sorry. I was out of line. It’s just… I knew this was going to be tough, but this is…” he shook his head in frustration and looked at his lover. His heart sank.

Daniel was sprawled on the floor, sweated, tear-stained and filthy. Janet was applying pressure to the wound on his wrist, which hadn’t stopped bleeding. She remained silent as she cleaned and bandaged it. Her heart felt heavy, as if a slab was pressing on it. She wasn’t a psychiatrist, and she didn’t know how to help his friend beyond his physical symptoms. She had never felt so useless in her entire career. When she finished, she looked at Teal’c with watery eyes.

“Teal’c, can you please help me put him on the sleeping platform?”

The Jaffa bowed his head in agreement, picked up Daniel with his muscular arms, and laid him on the platform gently.

“Let me check your wound, colonel,” said Janet meanwhile.

“I'm ok, doc. Don’t worry about me,” Jack dismissed her. “There's nothing broken. The bruise will fade. It’s Daniel who we need to worry about.”

“Ok, ok. Can you help me wash him and change his clothes?” Her voice was barely a whisper.

So for the second time, Jack washed the filth of his lover’s body. Once he finished, Janet reinserted the IV and with Sam's help, she re-attached the electrodes on Daniel’s chest and head.

“Let's talk,” she said once Daniel was settled.

The four members of the SGC sat on the free platforms. Damned the tel'tak for his lack of chairs. Jack’s expression had hardened. He feared that if he allowed his emotions to flow, he'd get trapped in a spiral of anger, frustration, and sorrow that wouldn’t do any good to Daniel. To be able to help him, he needed to keep his mind cold. Teal’c showed his usually stoic features. Sam, on the other hand, was the picture of consternation.

“Janet?” she asked, anxiety clear in her voice.

“He will wake up in a few hours, and I don’t want to have to sedate him again. If I do, we won’t have any chance of getting to him before we arrive at the SGC, and we all know what will happen if he arrives there in this condition.”

“They will confine him to mental health,” Sam whispered in horror.

“Over my dead body,” Jack stated sharply.

“What do you suggest as our next course of action, DoctorFraiser?” Teal’c's attempt to whisper resulted in a guttural voice.

“Honestly, I'm at a loss,” Janet shook her head. “I will try with mild sedatives, enough to keep him calm but conscious. The question is, I'm flying blind. I don’t know if a constant exposure will make things worse.”

“What can we do?” Sam asked.

“Keep talking to him, tell him who he really is. Hopefully, after a few days, when he realizes that neither Sarah nor his supposed parents are around, he'll start to consider that we might be real.”

“What if he doesn’t?” Sam couldn’t conceal the fear in his tone. “You heard Selmak. Besides, he just said that Daniel died crushed in the museum together with his parents. He was fairly adamant about it. Whatever they made him believe, he is convinced of it.”

“Daniel has a brilliant mind, Carter. I refuse to believe that bitch destroyed it completely. He is there, somewhere, and no matter how deep inside we'll have to dig, we’ll get there,” Jack sounded absolutely determined. “I failed him when he got addicted to the sarcophagus and again with those Machello's bugs. I won’t fail him again.”

“Colonel, you helped more than anyone in those situations,” Janet pointed out. “In any case, it was me who failed him.”

“No, doc,” Jack shook his head. “I should have stayed at his side during the sarcophagus withdrawal before he went wacko. I would have stopped him. And do you know why I didn’t? Because I blamed him when nothing of that was his fault. His only fault was trying to do the right thing, as he always does, and I was stupid enough for not realizing in time that it all had been my fault. And when those Machello's bugs attacked him, God, I should have never let them lock him in that padded cell. So no matter what, I'll stay at his side. I won’t let him down again.”

And with that, he got up and went to sit next to his lover. He would be there again at his first sign of waking up, and he wouldn’t fail him this time.

***


	5. Chapter 5

The cat had reappeared and resumed its position curled up next to the archaeologist. Scarcely had Daniel been sleeping for two hours when a first moan escaped his lips. Jack tensed instantaneously.

“Janet!” He hissed.

She and Sam emerged from the makeshift laboratory.

“Something’s wrong,” Jack informed them.

Daniel was now tossing and turning while moaned faintly. His cheeks were flushed and drops of sweat rolled down his pale forehead. Janet quickly checked his vitals.

“His fever has risen.”

Daniel let out a louder moan, turned on his side, and clutched his belly.

“He seems to be in pain,” Jack said, alarmed.

Janet ran to the lab and came back a few seconds later with a new syringe. Daniel was whimpering while writhed weakly. Before Janet had time to insert the needle into the IV port, the archaeologist started to shake and gag again.

“He’s gonna throw up!” the doctor warned.

In her haste to get a basin, Sam’s hand collided with the sharp metallic edge and she cut herself. At least she made it in time, and Daniel vomited without smearing himself. After a few minutes of dry-heaves, he finally calmed down. Sam went to throw away the contents of the basin while Jack watched as Janet injected the medication into the port. When he drew his attention back to his sick lover, he met a pair of glassy blue eyes staring at him blankly.

“Danny?”

Daniel woke up only to find his imaginary lover haunting him again. He wanted to scream, to cry out for his mother, but he couldn’t find the strength. He felt completely worn out. He couldn’t deal with it anymore. No matter how hard he cried, the hallucinations wouldn’t fade away.

“Danny? Can you hear me?”

Yes, of course, he could hear him. That was the problem with the hallucinations. One could see and hear them as if they were real, only that they weren’t. They were just figments of his mind. He was tired of fighting them. Maybe if he ignored them, they would finally vanish.

Jack saw how a single tear escaped the corner of Daniel’s eye and slid down his cheek. He wanted nothing more than to brush it away, hold the archaeologist into his arms while whispering words of comfort into his ear. But it would only make things worse, and it broke his heart. Daniel’s eyes slowly moved away until they lay on the cat which had woken up and was watching at him with his big, round lime orbs. It meowed softly. The cat was safe. The cat was the only thing that was real. He kept staring at it, unblinking, while he lay in a fetal position, arms wrapped around his middle, his body rocking back and forth.

“Doc, he was looking at me!” Jack exclaimed. “I think that for a moment he recognized me!”

“Are you sure?” Janet grabbed his penlight and pointed it at Daniel’s pupils. She moved it from right to left, up and down, but the archaeologist’s eyes didn’t follow the motion. He kept staring vacantly at the cat.

“He’s unresponsive.”

“Janet?”

“It seems that his mind has shut down.” She looked at Jack with haunted eyes and swallowed the lump in her throat. “He’s catatonic.“

Jack mirrored her shocked look. “But… but there’s something you can do, right?

“We won’t be able to deal with his mind if he keeps getting sick. I need to draw blood and run new tests,” Janet replied with a trembling voice.

She didn’t want to disturb Daniel further, so she drew blood from his foot. He headed to the makeshift lab, leaving the two lovers alone.

Jack sat on the floor and buried his head in his hands. He wanted to crush something, preferably that damned Osiris’ skull. That probably wouldn’t help Daniel, but it'd make him feel better. Or maybe not. The only thing that would make him better would be to see his lover’s smile. What he'd give right now for hearing his never-ending mumbo-jumbo about his precious artifacts. He promised himself that once everything was over, he would never ask him to shut up again.

He needed to do something, and since it looked like there was nothing around to beat, he changed sides. Struggling to keep a steady and calm voice, he unburied his face, and keeping an eye on his distressed partner, he started to talk.

“Your name is Dr. Daniel Jackson. You were born on July 8th, 1,965. Your parents were Melbourne and Claire Jackson…”

Jack told Daniel all he knew about his childhood and youth. He told him about Catherine Langford, how she recruited him for the program, how he solved the mysteries of the Stargate in two weeks. He told him about Abydos, Sha’re, the SGC, the Goa’uld, and also about Sarah and Osiris.

Sam left the lab area carrying a clean basin. The cut in her hand had resulted to be just a scratch. Janet had cleaned and sterilized it, but she hadn’t even need to apply a strip.

Sam stopped in her tracks when she heard Jack talking. She didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but she couldn’t help to hear his words. He was telling Daniel about their relationship, how everything had started, how deeply they felt for each other. Jack’s face shone for a moment when he told the archaeologist how much he loved him. She saw green for a moment, wishing it was her at the receiver end of the colonel’s words. She quickly pushed those thoughts away. They weren’t fair to any of them. She loved those two men deeply, Teal’c too. They were her family, and deep inside she was happy that the colonel and Daniel had found each other. She just wished that someday she could find someone who loved her the same way. She also realized that the awkwardness she had been feeling since the moment she had discovered about her friends' tie, had kept her away from the archaeologist in a moment that he needed not only his partner but all his family. Sure, she had assisted Janet, but she hadn’t been there for Daniel, not really. Hopefully, it wasn’t too late. She took a few steps forward and cleared her throat to warn the colonel of her presence.

“Hey, Carter.”

“Sir, huh… you know you don’t have to do this alone, don’t you?”

He looked at her eyes and understood the hidden message. After all, one didn’t get to colonel if they couldn’t read their people. He nodded, and she kneeled in front of Daniel. The archaeologist was curled up in a ball, still rocking back and forth, his eyes glued on the cat. Jack noticed the red scratch on the major’s hand but said nothing. It didn’t look serious. He continued talking.

“Almost three months ago, Osiris caught you. He drugged you or poisoned you, I don’t know, the question is that he tampered with your brain.” Jack sighed tiredly. Was he achieving anything with this? Daniel wasn’t giving any sign that he was listening to him, but he couldn’t stop, he had to keep trying.

“Daniel, I don’t know where you think you were, but you weren’t in Chicago. You've been held in Osiris’ fortress all that time. Those people you think were your parents, they… they tricked you, Danny, and… and… and I don’t know what else to say, just that I love you… I love you more than anything and…” his voice broke, “God, I don’t know what to do to bring you back to me.”

Jack rested his elbows on his knees and buried his head in his hands. Daniel didn’t react. He continued lying in the same position, staring at the cat. But his mind wasn’t as shut down as Janet thought. Actually, he had heard most of Jack's words, but he just couldn’t believe him. His head and stomach hurt, but it was his heart that harbored the biggest pain. Something deep inside of him told him that Jack might be telling the truth, but he couldn’t afford to believe him. If he chose him as his reality, when the medication surely Dr. Roberts was giving him took effect and Jack faded away, his mind and heart wouldn’t resist the blow. He would lose any chance of ever recovering his sanity if there was any. They would dump him in a padded cell and would throw away the key. He would never see his parents or Sarah again. He would be alone for the rest of his probably short life. He wouldn’t survive much time like that.

No, no, he couldn’t believe him, he couldn’t take that risk. He just needed to wait for the medication to take effect, just wait. Adele and Michael were his parents, they wouldn’t abandon him. Even if he couldn’t see them, he was sure they were there somewhere, trying to help him. He trusted them. As much as Sarah. She was his wife, not that monster that Jack claimed her to be. Yes, he only had to wait a little longer…

Sam moved a bit closer. The movement startled the cat, which jumped off the platform and ran to hide to its favorite spot. Sam put her hand on the platform, just where the cat had been lying. Just where Daniel could see it.

The cat was gone. A hand had replaced it. A hand with a red scratch.

Sarah?

The cat didn’t like Sarah. He didn’t know why. The feline had scratched her hand.

“Daniel, it’s me, Sam? Can you hear me?”

So not Sarah. The hand belonged to his imaginary friend, Sam. He remembered it now. Sarah’s hand had healed, it was ok now. It couldn’t be hers.

Sam told him about their friendship, about how well they worked together. She also told him about Cassie. He recognized many of the stories. Of course he did. He had invented all of them during his crisis. Yeah, sooner or later Dr. Roberts would find the cure. He only had to wait a little longer, a little longer… if only it didn’t hurt so much. The pain in his head and belly had intensified during the last minutes. The nausea was back. He wanted nothing more than to make his hallucinations shut up. He wanted to cry out for help. He wanted the safe comfort her mother provided him. An overwhelming feeling of hopelessness invaded him. He didn’t notice the thick tears that began to flow from his eyes.

Sam stopped talking the moment she saw her friend weeping. “Sir!”

Jack, who had zoned out for a while out of exhaustion, came to full attention. A mixture of sorrow and powerlessness bored into his heart. Rage twisted his gut.

“God, Dan-ny…” his voice cracked.

“Sir, his heartbeat and temperature are increasing,” Sam pointed out, looking at the monitor.

Suddenly Daniel’s face paled to the impossible, and his body started to shake again. In a moment he was covered in sweat. Still, not a single sound escaped his lips. He remained lost to the world.

“Doc!”

“Janet!”

Janet came running from the makeshift lab.

The following was another episode of vomits and violent convulsions. Jack and Sam held the archaeologist as Janet injected new medication in the IV port. After several minutes of fighting, Daniel’s body finally relaxed, only to go back to his catatonic state. The three friends sank to the floor, panting due to the anxiety and the exertion.

“I don’t have the full results yet, but the preliminary tests show severe damage in his liver again,” Janet explained. “The good news is that there are no longer traces of the alien drugs. If Selmak could heal him, I don’t think he would relapse again. He may still suffer nausea, sweating, shivers, and other symptoms from the withdrawal, but at least it may give us a truce to try to reach his mind before we arrive home.”

“Is that wise?” Jack asked cautiously. “I mean, Jacob used that doohickey just a couple of days ago. You said it yourself. He’ll be in withdrawal for a while. Won’t it make it worse?” Jack was well aware of the effects that repetitive exposure to Goa’uld technology had on humans, and specifically in Daniel.

“I don’t think so, Sir,” Sam disagreed. “The healing device is much less powerful than a sarcophagus. Besides, the energy focuses just on the damaged area.”

Jack looked at Daniel and considered their options. He was lying on his side, non-responsive, his gaunt body trembling slightly. His face was stained with tear tracks and his half-open eyes were again staring at nothing. He had resumed his movement, rocking back and forth, and a trickle of drool flowed from his lip. Jack let out a sound between a sigh and a sob. He removed the drool with the end of the blanket tenderly. Then he nodded weakly.

“Ok, ok,” he said softly.

“I’ll go get dad,” Sam said.

She returned with her father, who quickly shifted to Selmak. With Jack’s help, Janet uncurled Daniel and left him lying on his back. The Tok'ra fit the healing device in his hand and did his magic. A few minutes later, Daniel was the owner of a perfectly healthy liver. His body temperature and heart rate stabilized, and he stopped sweating and shivering. However, his mental state was another question. He hadn’t resisted Selmak’s intervention, but as soon as the Tok'ra finished, the archaeologist turned on his side again and resumed his comfort movement, rocking back and forth.

For the next three days, Daniel stayed like that while his fake friends told him fake stories about his fake life. Jack was beyond desperate. Nothing they said provoked the minimal reaction in his lover. Even Jacob had a go, telling him about the Tok'ra and the mission they went together to, several months ago, to infiltrate in the summit of the system lords, where he had run into Sarah/Osiris and had found out about Anubis’ rising.

Daniel was functioning like an automat. Several times a day, Jack and Teal’c dragged him to the washroom, where he relieved himself by sheer instinct. Also, they found out that if they brushed his lips with a spoon; he opened his mouth, chewed, and swallowed unconsciously. They managed to put some food in him this way. Those were the only signs saying that Daniel's body was still working as a human being.

As predicted, the withdrawal continued affecting him. Now and again his temperature spiked, only to plummet a few minutes later. Shivers followed episodes of profuse sweating. Sometimes his face crumpled slightly as if he was in pain, other times it suddenly bleached and nausea reappeared. Fortunately, none of those symptoms developed into a critical condition again. Janet took care of them as they were showing up and the prognosis was good. They would probably fade away in a few days.

Daniel continued apparently catatonic, denying the world that surrounded him. However, the complete dissolution of the drug in his system made him more aware of his surroundings. He still felt somewhat dazed, but not as much as before.

The cat kept him company most of the time, so he kept his eyes glued to it. Every day Jack sat next to him for hours and told him how he loved him and how he would never give up on him. Daniel’s heart constricted every time he heard the pain in the colonel’s voice. Even if his mind wanted to deny his existence, his heart didn’t take long in unburning his supposedly forgotten feelings. Most of the time he felt the warmth of tears as they rolled down his cheeks. Every time he cried, Jack cupped his face and removed the tears with his thumb tenderly. It felt so solid that it only made him cry and rock harder.

Six days after his rescue, Daniel began to wish that his imaginary life was real. His inner world was in turmoil. Why had the medication stopped working? Why was he trapped again in his delusions? Was it possible that Jack and the others were right? No, no, he was sick, Dr. Roberts had explained to him how the hallucinations could seem incredibly real. Still… No! He had to stop thinking like that. He had to keep waiting. How many days had passed, anyway? God, there was Jack again, swearing that he was real, begging him to believe them. His heart ached, and he felt as if his soul was splitting in two.

On the one hand, if Jack and the others were the ones who were unreal, he’d definitely lose the most enriching and passionate love relationship he could remember, not to mention the most strong and beautiful of friendships, together with his story with Sha’re. On the other hand, he would gain alive parents and a stable relationship with a woman he really cared about, although his love for her couldn’t compare in intensity with what he had felt for Sha’re and Jack. Either way, whatever the authentic reality was, he had a lot to lose.

Still, if he had to choose, the answer was clear. He’d chose reality, whatever it was. But… would he be able to know for sure before he definitely lost it and they locked him for life? Wait… maybe that was the reason he couldn’t see his parents or Sarah anymore. Maybe… maybe they had reached the conclusion that he was a hopeless case, and they had stopped the medication, and… and they had damped him a padded cell, with his hallucination as his only company, isolated from the world for the rest of his life.

God, there was no hope. They had abandoned him. Dr. Roberts, Sarah, his parents… As the realization hit him, he started to hyperventilate and rock harder than ever.

Jack, Sam, Teal’c, and Janet were sitting on the floor next to Daniel’s platform. After six days of trying and achieving nothing, they were mentally and emotionally worn out. They would arrive at the SGC the next day and barring some unexpected miracle, McKenzie or some of his minions would examine the archaeologist and they would quickly dispatch him to mental health. Jack made his choice. If that was the case, he would retire, take Daniel with him to his cabin in Minnesota, and would devote his life to take care of his lover. It didn’t matter if the younger man didn’t believe him. He still loved him with the same passion as the first day, and he wouldn’t fail him again.

A sudden chorus of beeps put the four friends out of their slumber.

“Danny!”

“He’s hyperventilating!” Janet exclaimed as she rushed towards the cater which contained her medical supplies. “Try to calm him down!”

The cat fled. Sam kneeled in front of the archaeologist. She wanted to touch him, to reassure him, but she hesitated and finally laid her hand on the platform. She encouraged him to take deep slow breaths, to purse his lips, to breathe into his belly… but he wasn’t listening to her.

From behind her, Jack also sent him reassuring words. Daniel continued breathing too fast, his eyes glued on the spot where the cat had been sleeping just a few seconds ago. The spot that was now occupied by Sam’s hand again. The hand with the scratch. The scratch was dark red now. A scab had formed in it. It had been days since he had seen that scratch, and it hadn’t healed yet. How many days should it take a scratch like that to heal? One week? Two, tops? But Sarah… the cat had scratched Sarah’s hand, but she had come to see him shortly after that, he was sure, and the scratch had disappeared. No scab, no scar. Just smooth, unscathed skin. His eyes wide opened in shock and he started to breathe even faster.

Janet arrived carrying a hyperventilation mask, and she put it on Daniel’s face, covering his mouth and nose. After several minutes, his breathing evened, and the doctor removed the mask. Then the unexpected happened. For the first time in three days, Daniel talked.

“T-t-the hand…” he whispered almost inaudibly, his eyes still staring unblinkingly

“What?” Jack asked, not sure if he had heard right. “Did you say hand? What hand?”

“I believe he is referring to MajorCarter’s hand,” Teal’c pointed out, seeing as Daniel was looking at it without blinking.

“Is that what you mean, Daniel?” Janet asked.

“Ye-yes… yes…”

“What’s wrong with my hand?” Sam asked.

“The s-s-scratch… the scratch…”

“Yes, I scratched my hand a few days ago, remember? When I went to grab the basin” Sam explained, confused that the archaeologist looked so troubled about something so insignificant.

“It hasn’t… hasn’t…”

“Hasn’t what, Danny? What are you trying to tell us?” Jack was more than impatient. His lover hadn’t said a word in three days, so it had to be something important.

“It hasn’t… hasn’t h-h-healed.” It sounded like a weak whimper.

“What? Why is that so important?” Jack asked, exasperated.

“The scab will fall in a few days, I will be ok,” Sam explained as if she was talking to a small child.

Daniel swallowed several times before continuing in a tremulous whisper. “The c-c-cat… it attacked Sa-Sa-Sarah… it-it… scratched her… hand, but… but… she was ok… she came back, and her hand… it was ok, no s-s-scratch… Why? Why didn’t she ha-have a scab?”

“Because she is a Goa’uld!” Jack exclaimed with a sense of triumph. “Don’t you see it, baby? God! The symbiote healed her! That’s why!”

Sam and Janet gasped at the implication of their friend's realization.

Daniel turned his head and stared at Jack with pleading eyes.

“J-J-Jack?”

It was so much pain in that plea that the older man couldn’t hold it anymore. He sat on the platform, lifted his lover’s body, and engulfed him in a fierce hug. A wave of hope enfolded the colonel’s heart. Daniel had called him by his name for the first time since the rescued. Did that mean that he was beginning to believe?

Daniel didn’t push the older man away, but he didn’t return the hug either. His arms remained limp at his sides. To hug him back would mean to accept him as his unique reality, and he wasn’t ready for that yet. The confusion had done nothing more than increase.

“I… I don’t know who I am anymore…” His strained voice broke completely at the last word, and he started to cry uncontrollably. Jack tightened the embrace as loud sobs resounded in the ship.

“You are Daniel Jackson, the man who owns my heart and soul.” Jack’s voice cracked, which only served to make Daniel cry harder.

At that moment, the archaeologist wished nothing more than to believe him. It felt so real… but still; it had also felt real before. But again, Sarah’s hand… could it be any other explanation for its fast healing? Had it really happened? Or had he imagined that?

The rest watched the scene downcast. Sam and Janet couldn’t hold their own tears. Even Teal’c's lower lip was quivering. Daniel’s words had been like a breath of fresh air. The doubt had settled on him. Far from being a full recovery, it was a first step on the right way.

Jack kept clinging to his lover until several minutes later, the sobs subsided and his body went limp into his arms. He had cried himself to sleep. The colonel lowered his body to the platform gently and kissed his forehead. He moved away so Janet could examine him. She confirmed the archaeologist had fallen asleep of sheer mental and emotional exhaustion.

“He… he said my name, as if… as if he recognized I was real,” Jack stared at Janet. “It’s a good sign, right?”

“Yes, Sir,” she smiled softly, her face still tear-stained.

“So now what?” Sam asked, his cheeks damp, too.

“Now we keep trying,” Janet sighed. “He remembered the incident with Sarah and the cat, and he realized there was something odd. It's a clear sign that he's recovering his logical thinking. In time he'll make new connections and let’s hope it won’t take too long.”

***

Daniel slept for several hours. Jack and the others took advantage of that and caught some sleep as well. They were all exhausted, especially the colonel, who had been spending most of the time watching his lover. Teal’c was kel-no-reeming when he perceived the archaeologist was waking up. He popped open his eyes and saw that his friend was beginning to stir. He stood up quickly and shook Jack’s shoulder. The colonel, who was sleeping on the platform over Daniel’s, woke up with a start.

“Woah…!”

“O'Neill, it is I. DanielJackson appears to be awakening. I woke you up as instructed.”

“Yeah, T, thanks… I was just… uh…” Jack rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands.

“You were just sleeping, O'Neill.”

Jack looked at the Jaffa dumbfounded. Sometimes he wasn’t sure if he acted out of ignorance of the language expressions or if he did that on purpose. He jumped to the floor and sat next to Daniel. As usual, the cat was curled up against him. At that moment, the archaeologist cracked open his eyes. The colonel smiled at him.

“Hey.”

Daniel blinked repeatedly. His face was neutral. At least he hadn’t panicked at first sight. That in itself was a major improvement.

“Hi.” His cheek twitched briefly in an attempt of forming a smile, but he quickly became serious again.

“How are you feeling?” Jack asked softly.

Daniel knitted his eyebrows together in concentration.

“Headache.” He swallowed and squeezed his eyes shut.

“Do you want me to get Janet?” The gray-haired man asked in concern.

Daniel shook his head weakly. “No, it’s not that bad.”

He opened his eyes again and stared at Jack. This time there was a hint of fear in his gaze.

“We'll arrive at the Tok'ra base in a few hours,” Jack explained. “We'll go to Earth from there. You’ll be at home today.”

Daniel said nothing. He just kept staring at the colonel. Jack had to admit to himself that it was a bit unnerving.

“Come. I'll help you to the washroom.”

Daniel nodded slightly. He sat upright with Jack’s help, but as soon as he tried to stand up, his legs folded. Teal’c and the colonel grabbed him and helped him to the bathroom facilities. It would take time and a lot of physiotherapy sessions to recover the full mobility of his legs.

When they came back to the platforms room, Janet and Sam were already awake and waiting for them. Jack helped his lover to sit down, and Janet moved closer.

“Good morning, Daniel. How are you feeling?”

“Good.”

“He said before that he had a headache,” Jack told her.

“It’s not so bad,” Daniel defend himself.

“Any other discomfort? Dizziness? Nausea?”

Daniel remained silent, but after a few seconds, he nodded weakly. He had started to sweat and shiver slightly.

Janet examined him thoroughly.

“Well, your pupils are a bit dilated and your heart rate is a bit high,” she explained. They are all symptoms of withdrawal. I'll give you something to ease the discomfort. Try to drink and eat all you can.”

“I'm not hungry,” Daniel muttered.

“I know, but you need to recover your strength, so humor me, ok?”

Daniel stared at the floor and didn’t say anything. All of a sudden, Egeria the cat appeared from nowhere and jumped to his lap. Daniel froze. As soon as she saw the fear written on his friend’s face, Sam approached and took the cat in her hands.

“Come here, beautiful,” she said. “You’re scaring Daniel.”

The archaeologist paled further, and the tremors increased.

“Hey, Danny, what’s wrong?” Jack sat next to him and took his hand. The archaeologist's body tensed. “Danny? Is it the cat? Does it scare you?”

Daniel looked at him with haunted eyes. “You… you can see it?”

“What?”

“Do you refer to the feline, DanielJackson?” Teal’c cocked his head and raised an eyebrow.

“I thought… I thought…”

“It was next to you when we found you in Osiris’s fortress. It belonged to the Tok'ra who helped us. It followed us to the ship,” Jack explained.

Daniel watched as Sam petted the furry animal and it purred in response. He hadn’t realized until now that they all could see it.

“Did you believe that you had imagined the cat, Daniel?” Janet ventured.

“N-n-no… no,” he glimpsed at her before returning his attention to Jack. “I knew the cat was real “he whispered. “I thought I was imagining you. God, I'm so confused…” His face crumpled in anguish and he shuddered.

Jack took him into his arms and he started to cry softly on his shoulder.

“We’re real, baby, we’re real, please, you started to believe, please, you just need more time, please, trust me,” Jack begged.

“But what if you aren’t?” Daniel’s voice broke. “What if I wake up in that room again? I can’t go through that again, I can’t…” the tremors increased.

“It won’t happen, baby,” Jack ran his hand along his back and head in soothing movements. “It won’t happen because we are real, you’re safe with us, you’re not there anymore and in a few hours you’ll be at home.”

“Do you remember my hand, Daniel? The scratch?” Sam said.

The archaeologist nodded against Jack’s shoulder.

“You told us Sarah scratch healed, remember?” Janet reminded him.

“Only a Goa’uld is capable of such power of healing,” Teal’c pointed out.

Daniel nodded again. He remembered it. That memory together with the presence of the cat made him open wider to the possibility that this was the only true reality. With that opening, his feelings for Jack came back in an overwhelming rush. He raised his hands and clung to Jack’s t-shirt as if it was a lifeline.

“Please be real, please be real, please be real…” he repeated over and over again in a choked whisper. Suddenly, something hit him, and let out a heartbreaking whimper. Jack pulled away and took his face in his hands.

“What is it, baby? What’s wrong?” He asked, alarmed by the evident misery drawn in the younger man’s face.

“Mom…” he choked. “If you’re real, then… my… my parents… God, no, mom, mom…” his heart broke at the feeling that he had lost his parents again.

Jack pulled him into his arms again. “They weren’t your parents, Danny. They fooled you. It was all a trick.”

“They felt re-real, I believed them… I… I trusted them and I… God, I loved them… Mom, mom…!” he burst into soul-wrenching sobs.

Jack’s gut clenched to his lover’s distress and damned Osiris for the umpteenth time. What he had done to Daniel was unforgivable. He had played with his most traumatic memories. It didn’t matter that it all had been a deception. To Daniel, those fake parents had been real, his feelings for them genuine, and now he had to face the loss again. He imagined himself squeezing Osiris' throat and dumping his lifeless body to a garbage truck.

The archaeologist stayed like that for several minutes, crying while Jack tried to calm him down with smooth strokes and soft words. Sam, Teal’c, and Janet looked at them with impotence, their own anger towards Osiris increasing tenfold. Finally, the sobs subsided and Jack pulled away. Daniel was deadly pale. He frowned in concentration as if he tried to remember something else.

“Sa-Sarah… sometimes, she… she helped me to lie on the bed. I remember that day…” he squinted his eyes as if doing that he could sharpen his memory. “She held me upright, I mean… she sustained all my weight, she… she couldn’t have done that, I’m too heavy. It’s… it’s because she’s a Goa’uld, right? That’s why she was so strong.”

“You see?” Jack agreed. “Here you have another proof.”

Daniel paled further. “I… I don’t feel so good,” he croaked.

“Lie him down, colonel,” Janet instructed.

Jack complied, and Janet hurried to examine him. She found nothing beyond the symptoms of the withdrawal exacerbated by his emotional state, which in turn exacerbated the physical symptoms of the withdrawal. It was a vicious circle. She adjusted the medication and let him rest. They’d arrive at the Tok'ra base in a few hours. Teal’c went to the bridge to assist Jacob while Sam helped Janet to start packing the medical equipment.

Jack stayed at Daniel’s bedside. The archaeologist lay on his side, his hand entwined with Jack’s. From time to time, he squeezed it almost painfully. He had the irrational feeling that if he let go of it, he'd get lost forever in the nothingness. Jack encouraged him to eat something, but Daniel refused. At least the colonel coaxed him to drink some water. At times, he stared at Jack, as if to be sure that he was still there. Other times, he just stared at nothing, lost in his thoughts. He barely spoke, and when he did it, it was just in monosyllables.

Far from bringing more confidence, the recent events made that Daniel’s deepest fears came back with a vengeance. Was he right about starting to trust Jack and the others? Suddenly he felt the urgency of staying awake forever. The idea of falling asleep and waking up in the hospital again terrified him. His mind waved from one thought to another, from the belief that Jack belonged to his true life to the fear that he was still hallucinating. One second he was absolutely convinced that they were right, that Sarah was a Goa’uld, and the next one he doubted his memory about the incidents with the scratch and Sarah’s strength. He felt that if he wasn’t really crazy yet, he’d be soon. He found himself imagining again being restrained and dumped on a padded cell for the rest of his life. He couldn’t even stand that thought. He'd rather die than being locked like that.

Jack felt how his heart broke slowly and painfully at the sight of his lover. He didn’t know what was on his mind, but he looked utterly depressed and terrified again. Nothing he said seemed to calm him down. He wasn’t answering his questions beyond a “yes" or a “no" or an “ok". He hoped that Janet would have more resources to help him at the SGC. They just needed to wait a little longer.

***

Three hours later, Jacob announced their arrival at the Tok'ra base. He landed the tel'tak without incident. The FRED was where they had left it. They loaded it with the borrowed equipment and secured it with the help of Jacob’s Tok’ra friends. They never left Daniel alone during the job, they made sure that there was always one of them with him. Once the FRED was ready, Jack helped the archaeologist to put on his BDU and to lie in a stretcher. Finally, everything was ready. They could go home. Jack kneeled next to his lover, who was still inside the tel'tak, secured on the stretcher. The colonel cupped his jaw tenderly.

“We’re going home, Danny, through the Stargate. You remember the Stargate, right? There is nothing to worry about.”

Daniel looked at him intently and nodded weakly. Then he raised his hand and mirrored the colonel’s gesture. He cupped his cheek and brushed his thumb against his jaw, where he had punched him. He frowned at the visible bruise.

“It’s nothing, I’m ok. It doesn’t hurt,” Jack reassured him.

“So-sorry,” Daniel whispered.

“It wasn’t your fault,” Jack smiled. “Ready to go home?”

Daniel swallowed hard. The truth was that he was terrified of what he would find at the other side of the gate. He feared that instead of the SGC, he would find himself in the hospital room again. Anyway, he nodded. He had no option. Jack and Teal’c lifted the stretcher and left the ship. Sam dialed home, sent the iris code, took the cat in her hands and they all stepped through the gate, Jacob included.

***


	6. Chapter 6

General Hammond greeted the group as usual at the SGC. As soon as they stepped through the Gate, Daniel started to look around. His heart was pounding widely. He recognized most of the faces, but it didn’t make him feel more confident. He was still doubtful that any of that was real. A gurney was waiting for him at the foot of the ramp.

“Welcome home, SG-1, Jacob. Dr. Jackson, it’s good to see you, son. We’ve missed you greatly,” the General smiled fondly. When the archaeologist’s only reaction was a grimace, he looked at Janet worriedly. “Doctor?”

“Sir, we need to take Dr. Jackson to the infirmary. His condition is not life-threatening, but it’s imperative that we run a full diagnostic. I also recommend we postpone the debriefing until he’s settled and we confirm that he’s not in any immediate danger.”

“Colonel?” He asked Jack for confirmation.

“Long story, Sir,” Jack made a face.

“Very well,” Hammond agreed. “We’ll debrief tomorrow at 900 hours,” Hammond stated. “Report to the infirmary for your post-mission exams. And… is that a cat, major?” He asked, noticing the furry bundle on Sam’s arms.

“Yes, Sir,” She confirmed.

“Colonel?” He looked at Jack for an explanation.

“That would be another long story, Sir.”

“I can’t wait to hear it,” Hammond said. “Major, take that animal to the quarantine area.”

“Yes, Sir.”

“Please, come with me Jacob, you can begin to fill me in.” Hammond shook his head, utterly confused by the situation.

Jack and Teal’c lay Daniel on the gurney, and the medical team wheeled him to the infirmary. Jack walked next to his lover, making sure that he could see him the entire time. Once there, Janet started to give orders.

“Colonel, you know I rarely allow it, but given the circumstances, I recommend that you stay with Daniel during his exam and tests. Try to keep him calm. I don’t want to have to sedate him.”

“I hadn’t planned to be at any other place,” he stated firmly.

Daniel tried to appear calm, but deep inside he was a bundle of nerves. He didn’t want to be sedated again. The idea of waking up in the hospital, or worse, in a padded cell, terrified him. His eyes followed Jack’s from wherever he was, and the colonel had to talk to him through the microphone during the scans the entire time. Once they had completed all the tests, Janet settled him in an ISO room, so they could have some privacy. At that moment, Jack’s presence and care were the best chance, but nobody beyond SG-1, Janet and Jacob knew about their true relationship.

“How are you feeling?” Jack asked, taking his lover’s hand for the first time in hours. Daniel was lying on his side, in a semi-sitting position, his other hand tucked under his head.

“Tired,” he answered weakly.

“Do you wanna try to sleep for a while?” the older man suggested.

“Can’t,” the archaeologist shook his head.

“Why?” the colonel brushed his hand with his thumb tenderly.

“I'm afraid,” the younger replied with a tiny voice.

“You don’t have to be afraid, Danny” Jack tried to calm him down, misunderstanding his words. “I’ll be here the whole time.”

Daniel shook his head. “I'm afraid of waking up,” he whispered. His lower lip started to quiver noticeably.

“God, Danny…” Jack brought his lover’s hand to his lips. He closed his eyes to compose himself. Nothing they had said or done had still convinced the younger man that they were real. After a few seconds, he looked at him with sad eyes. “You can’t stay awake forever.”

“I know,” Daniel’s voice cracked. “I'm afraid.”

Jack quickly sat on the bed and took him into his arms. No matter how many times his lover needed it, he would be there for him. If he had learned something during his marriage with Sara, was that if he wanted to succeed in this relationship, he had to be there sharing his lover's pain. He hadn’t been able to do that for her after Charlie's death, but for sure he had learned the lesson. Few people knew that behind his mask of badass colonel, beat a caring and loving heart. Daniel had penetrated that mask since the first day, and this was one of the reasons why he loved him with all his heart and soul.

He was whispering reassuring words into his ear when Janet came into the room. She cleared her throat.

“Colonel… hmm…”

“I know, doc, a nurse could come in at any moment,” Jack said, his arms still wrapped around his lover. “I told you before. I’ll be here for him, and I’ll tend my resignation if it comes to that.”

“Yes, Sir. I brought some broth,” She said, changing the subject. She approached the couple and Jack broke the embrace. Janet sat on the foot of the bed at stroke Daniel’s leg through the cover. “Sweetie, you need to eat something.”

“Not hungry,” Daniel mumbled.

“I know, but you need to try, ok?” She insisted. “We’ll start the physiotherapy tomorrow. You lost a lot of muscle mass, but the exercises won’t do you any good if you don’t eat anything.”

“Not hungry,” he repeated.

“Just a few spoonfuls, ok? The colonel will help you. I’ll leave you alone, ok? No one will bother you.”

Daniel nodded reluctantly and Janet left. Jack persuaded him to eat a bit, but he got tired soon. He leaned against the pillow and curled up into a ball. Suddenly he realized that he hadn’t seen the cat in a while, and his eyes scanned the room.

“What is it, baby? What’s wrong?” Jack asked in concern.

“N-n-nothing,” Daniel stammered. The cat was nowhere in sight. He was afraid of asking Jack about the animal, in case he said that he knew nothing about a cat. After all, there was a possibility that he had imagined it all along.

“You sure?”

“Yeah,” the archaeologist half-smiled briefly.

A few minutes later Sam and Teal’c came to visit him. They convinced Daniel that he should let Jack go to take his shower and change his clothes. He was reluctant at first, but he finally agreed under Jack’s promise to come back as soon as possible. Both the Major and the Jaffa were nothing but kind to him, and he felt his forgotten feelings of love and trust coming back full force. As it had happened with his feelings for Jack, it scared him big time. He wished them to be real, but how could he be one hundred percent sure? Sam still had the scratch on her hand. It was a good sign, wasn't it? It meant he hadn’t imagined the animal. Then where was it? Again, he was afraid to ask.

Once Jack came back, they decided to stay awhile longer. They were still there when Janet came with the results. As expected, there weren’t any internal injuries and the kidneys and the liver had recovered their function. Apart from the muscle loss and a low level of some minerals and vitamins, there wasn’t serious physical damage. The withdrawal caused the still persistent nausea, headache, tremors, and high heart rate and they would probably disappear in a few days, a week tops. On the other hand, Daniel’s dopamine and serotonin levels had plummeted, which in part explained his depression and fears. Janet prescribed him antidepressants.

“Antidepressants?!” Jack exclaimed in protest. “You gotta be kidding me! Daniel’s not depressed, he’s got his mind… violated!” He lashed his hand to emphasize his point.

“Do you think I don’t know that?” Janet's tone was harsh. She was beyond tired, deeply concerned for her friend, and was reaching the end of her rope. Right now, she didn’t need the colonel questioning her job. “The question is that whatever they did to him had developed into a depression. I consulted two different specialists. We need to balance those levels, and the only way to do it is with antidepressants.”

“I recall, not many years ago, one of those *specialists*,” Jack drew quotes with his fingers, “claiming that Daniel had *symptoms* of schizophrenia, so forgive me if I don’t trust their criteria.”

“McKenzie has nothing to do with this, it didn’t even occur to me to ask him,” Janet glared at him.

A loud whimper shushed them all at once. Daniel had curled up into a tight ball, his hands clasped against his ears, and was whimpering and rocking back and forth. Jack was at his side in a millisecond, stroking his head and whispering soothing words.

“Your behavior is the cause of DanielJackson’s distress,” Teal’c’s baritone voice resounded in the room. “I must demand that you refrain yourselves.”

Both Jack and Janet blushed in embarrassment.

“I’m sorry,” she said, “You are right, Teal’c. That was very unprofessional of me.”

“No, doc,” Jack shook his head. “It’s my fault. It’s just…” he looked at the petite doctor with pleading eyes. “I can’t lose him, I can’t…”

They were all shocked by the vulnerability expressed in Jack’s words.

“We are all scared, Sir,” Sam’s voice cracked. “He’s gonna be fine, right, Janet?”

“Physically, yes,” she assured. “Mentally and emotionally… he still has a long way to walk.”

Four hearts shadowed at once.

***

Jack stayed with Daniel during the night. Although the archaeologist had finally calmed down, no one could convince the colonel to leave his bedside and rest for a while. Although he tried to fight it with all his might, Daniel finally succumbed to exhaustion and fell asleep at dawn. Jack rested his head on the mattress and in a few minutes he was snoring softly as well.

It was 8.30 when Janet came into the room followed by a nurse and woke him up shaking his shoulder.

“Colonel, Sir,” she whispered.

“Woah…!”

“Sir, the debriefing is in half an hour.”

Jack checked his watch. He had slept for three hours. He rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands and scrubbed at his head. He looked at his lover and saw that he was still sound asleep.

“I can’t leave Daniel alone.”

“Judith will stay with him,” Janet pointed at the nurse.

“What if he wakes up?” Jack refused the idea of Daniel opening his eyes and not seeing a familiar face. It would make all their efforts fall like a house of cards.

“Judith has been part of my staff since day one, Colonel. Daniel knows her well. Besides, she has vast experience in psychiatry. If he wakes up, I’m sure she’ll be able to reassure him until one of us comes back. Anyway, the nurses on duty told me that he didn’t fall asleep before dawn. He was exhausted. He’s not likely to wake up soon.”

Daniel’s alarm was beeping in Jack’s gut. He hesitated for a moment before standing up. He shook his head to dismiss his worrisome. Janet was right, Lieutenant Judith Rose had always been fond of Daniel and was really nice to him. The colonel suspected she had a crush on the archaeologist. Daniel, in turn, had said more than once that she was the only nurse capable of giving a painless injection in the butt.

Only under the promise of being paged at the minimal problem, Jack left to wash up and grab some coffee before the meeting. Half an hour later, he met the General, Sam, Teal’c, Janet, and Jacob at the briefing room.

***

It was around 9.30 when Daniel began to stir. His eyes fluttered open and found himself looking at something white.

“Good morning,” a cheerful, somehow familiar feminine voice greeted him.

Daniel automatically tensed. He blinked to focus his gaze, and he realized that what he was looking at was the white uniform of a nurse. His eyes ran along her body, and before he could identify her face, something caught his attention. The name tag.

_Rose._

Daniel froze.

“How are you feeling today? The doctor will be with you in a few minutes.”

The doctor. Dr. Roberts? God, no. This couldn’t be happening. God, no, no!

“Do you need to use the bathroom?” She offered, moving closer to assist him.

“No!” Daniel sat upright, his fist clenched in front of his face in a defense position, his heart hammering against his ribcage.

“Dr. Jackson, it’s ok, it’s me, Judith,” she tried to calm him down, concerned about his sudden distress.

But Daniel wasn’t listening to her anymore. All his world had crashed in a second. Nothing about those last days had been real. His life, his friends… Jack… everything had slipped down into the gutter. Oh, God, Jack! He couldn’t have lost him again, he couldn’t, he couldn’t… An overwhelming feeling of despair shot up from deep inside his belly to the center of his heart and he let out a loud sob.

“Dr. Jackson, please, you need to relax, everything is...”

“Get away from me!”

“Dr. Jackson… Daniel… look at me, it’s me, Judith. You remember me, right?”

Lost in his pain, the archaeologist’s brain couldn’t process any of the words the good nurse was saying.

“No! Go away! No, No!!!” he backed up, trying to escape from her, sheer terror contorting his features.

She tried to reach him again, both with her soothing voice and her hands. Desperate, Daniel jumped out of the bed. In his fall, he crashed against a medical cart, which fell to the floor, scattering all its contents. The archaeologist crawled backward, trying to escape his nightmare. He dragged gauzes, surgical tape, cotton wool, and all sorts of medical supplies in his way. He didn’t make it far before he bumped against the wall. And then he saw the scissors

***

“What about the Tok’ra memory device?” Jacob leaned over the large table in the debriefing room. “This way he could remember the abduction and all that Osiris made to him.”

General Hammond had just been filled with the details of the rescue mission and was deeply concerned about the welfare of the SGC's most valued civilian. He could see the fear reflected in every one of his teammates’ faces, and in Jacob, too.

“I don’t think it’s a good idea, at least at the moment. Maybe further on, when we regain his trust,” Janet intervened. “Dr. Jackson’s memories have been severely altered. If we do it now, we’d risk…”

“Doctor Fraiser and Colonel O’Neill to ISO 3, repeat, Doctor Fraiser and Colonel O’Neill to ISO 3!”

_Daniel._

Janet’s face bleached and looked at Jack with haunted eyes.

The colonel didn’t wait for the General’s permission. He shot off the chair so fast that it fell to the floor in a loud clang. He dashed off the room and got down the stairs three steps at a time. Without hesitation, Hammond nodded his dismissal and Janet ran after him.

When Jack stepped into the room, his heart skipped a beat, or two, at the sight that welcomed him. Daniel was sitting on the floor, knees drawn up to his chest, his back plastered against a wall. He was sweating, shaking like a leaf, and tear tracks glistened on his extremely pale cheeks. But what terrified Jack, making his stomach clench painfully, were the scissors that his lover was clinging and pressing against his own jugular.

“God, Danny…”

Janet arrived, Sam and Teal’c hot on her heels, and she almost bumped against the colonel as she entered the room. She gasped at the view.

“Oh, my God! Judith, what happened?”

The nurse was a few feet in front of the archaeologist, her body rigid with tension. Her hands were up in an “I’m coming in peace” position, but Daniel didn’t seem that was buying the act. Judith turned around to meet her boss. Her face was almost as white as Daniel’s.

“I… I don’t know… he woke up and the moment I greeted him he started to scream. I tried to calm him down, but he got even more scared. I don’t think he recognized me at all.”

Jack and Janet joined her, while Sam and Teal’c also took a few steps inside. Daniel looked at them, but he didn’t seem to recognize either his lover or his friends. The colonel took a tentative step forward.

“Don’t come closer!” Daniel yelled at the top of his lungs.

“Danny, it’s me, Jack,” the older man said in a calm tone.

“Shut up!” Daniel exploded. “You don’t exist! I’m there again, God, I’m there again, I’m there again, I’m there again…” His shoulders began to shake as fresh tears rolled down his face. The movement made the scissors bounce against his neck, and the point jabbed the skin with enough force to spill blood.

“Daniel, please, listen to me,” Jack said, not daring to move again. “You’re not at that hospital. You are at the SGC, you’re home, you’re safe, and I’m real, I swear!”

“No! Get out of my head!” New drops of blood slid along the archaeologist's neck.

“Daniel, please,” Janet intervened. “The colonel is right. Look at me, I’m Janet, don’t you recognize me? What about Sam and Teal’c?”

“Daniel, it’s me, Sam. Can you see me?”

“No! Get out of my head!” He repeated. “Getoutgetoutgetout…!”

“We are your friends, DanielJackson. Please, do not try to harm you further.”

“Danny, please…” Jack tried to move closer, but Daniel pressed the scissors harder against his vital vein. The flow of blood increased.

“No! I saw her! I saw her!”

“Her?” Janet asked in confusion. “Who’s she, Daniel? Who did you see?”

“Rose! She’s right there! I woke up and she was there! God, she was there, I am there again, God, no, nooo…!” He squeezed his eyes shut and loud sobs shook his body, making the scissors nick his throat again.

“Dr. Jackson, I told you, I’m Judith, I work at the SGC, remember?” the nurse tried again, a hint of despair in her voice.

“Danny, please, look at her!” Jack exclaimed. “Look at her, she can’t be who you think she is! Look at her please, she is Judith, she is not that Rose, whoever she is!”

“But colonel, my name tag…” Judith gasped.

Jack looked at the nurse’s uniform. *ROSE*. Damn. Lieutenant Judith Rose. For God’s sake! Of all last names! Couldn’t fate give the guy a break? “Dammit,” Jack scrubbed his hair in sheer frustration.

“Daniel, please, open your eyes!” Janet insisted. “Just look at her, please, look at her.”

The archaeologist shook his head, which just made the scissors scratch his skin again. The blood was already staining his scrubs.

“Danny, please, you gotta trust me, she is not her, please open your eyes,” Jack pleaded.

“No-o-o-o-o,” Daniel sobbed. “I just want this to end… I can’t… I can’t… I need to end this…” Overwhelming hopelessness overtook him. His worst fear had come true. He had lost Jack again. They would lock him in a padded cell where the ghost of his imaginary lover would chase him forever. He couldn’t take it anymore. He needed to end it once and for all.

He opened his eyes, but they were glassy and unfocused. He let out a strangled sob, tightened the grip on the scissors, and stretched his arms forward to gain momentum. Seeing his intention, Jack launched over him and clasped his wrist before he could deliver the fatal blow.

“No! Aaagh!”

Jack slammed his hand against the wall and kept pressing his wrist until the pain was too much and Daniel felt forced to open his hand. The scissors fell to the floor. Jack kicked the deadly tool away, grabbed the younger man’s face, and forced eye contact, but Daniel’s eyes were clamped again. He wanted to shove away whoever was holding him, but he couldn’t find the strength. He panted as tears leaked through his eyelashes.

“Open your eyes, please, Danny, look at her, look at her, she is Judith!” Jack exclaimed in despair. Cold shivers ran down his spine. He felt nauseous. Daniel had just tried to kill himself. He hadn’t felt so terrified since the day he had found him on the wrong side of the balcony, over one year ago.

“He’s right, Daniel, listen to him please,” Sam was on the verge of tears.

Out of the corner of his eye, the colonel saw Janet preparing a syringe. “Janet, no, please, this only will make things worst,” he pleaded.

“Colonel, he just tried to…!”

“I know! I know! Just… dammit! Just get rid of that damned needle!”

Janet froze and swallowed at the colonel’s outburst. He returned his attention to his lover, who hadn’t stopped shaking and panting under his grip. This time Jack took a deep breath, and when he spoke his voice was soft and gentle.

“Daniel, please, open your eyes. You mistook Judith with someone else. Rose appears in her nametag because it’s her last name. Lieutenant Judith Rose, remember? You always say she’s your favorite nurse, you like her, remember?”

Who was grabbing him? Who had stopped him from ending with everything? He didn’t sound like one of the orderlies. He sounded like Jack, but he couldn’t be. Jack was a hallucination. He had seen Rose, therefore Jack couldn’t be real. Judith? Why was he talking about Judith? He knew a Judith. She was a nurse at the SGC, in his imaginary world. Open my eyes? No, sorry, I can’t do that, I can’t face that again. I’d rather die. Why didn’t you let me die?

Daniel’s mind was running one thousand mph, trying to build some coherent thought without success. The voice continued, pleading him to open his eyes. He only wanted him to shut up. Although, maybe if he complied, the voice would stop. He cracked open his eyes and saw two figures kneeled in front of him. One of them wore green fatigues, while the other one was wearing a white nurse coat. And on her chest… the nametag… Rose… Daniel tensed and wheezed as if he couldn’t send enough air into his lungs.

“Look at her face, Danny, please, look at her, just forget the name and look at her, please, please.”

“Look at me, Dr. Jackson. It’s Judith, please, everything it’s ok, you’re safe,” her voice cracked.

“Please, Danny,” Jack insisted, “please, I need you, please, come back. You only have to look at her, please look at her.”

Someone was rubbing his cheeks tenderly, and the voices were gentle. Little by little Daniel overcame his fear and dared to look up. He met round clear blue eyes embedded in a rather chubby face, nothing to do with the large honey-colored eyes and thin face of nurse Rose. He blinked several times. He felt something loosening in his chest, and he could finally take a breath without the sensation that he was going to choke.

“Ju- Judith?”

She shuddered in relief and smiled.

“Yes, Dr. Jackson, it’s me. Welcome back.” She sniffed as a tear escaped the corner of her eye.

“Hey, Danny, you with me?”

Daniel turned his head towards the other figure.

“J… Ja- Jack?”

“Hey,” the colonel smiled softly.

“Jack, oh, Jack, I thought… I thought…”

His face crumpled in anguish and the older man engulfed him into a fierce hug. “I know, baby, I know, it’s over now, you’re ok, you’re safe, you’re safe.”

The archaeologist returned the hug with equal force as he sobbed uncontrollably against his lover’s shoulder. “I thought… I thought I had completely lost my mind. Actually… I… I’m not sure if… if I haven’t!” His body bounced at the rhythm of the sobs.

“Shhhh, don’t say that. You haven’t, you haven’t. God, I love you so much. You scared the shit out of me, I thought… for a moment… I… you… “he squeezed his eyes shut in a futile attempt to stop his own tears.

Judith stood up and let them the space they needed. General Hammond, who had joined the group, watched at the scene in puzzlement. He looked at Sam, who bit her lip and looked at the floor, pretending. When the Texan looked at Teal’c, he Jaffa was standing in his most stoic pose, avoiding his gaze on purpose. Hammond’s mind reeled, but he said nothing.

Jack and Daniel stayed on the floor hugging and crying for several minutes until they both calmed down and pulled away. Jack had forgotten about the cuts in the younger man’s neck and gasped in shock when he saw the bloodstained scrubs.

“Let’s take you to bed, Daniel,” Janet invited softly. “I need to patch your wound.”

The archaeologist nodded, and Jack and Teal’c helped him to stand up and sit on the bed. The general and Judith left, leaving Daniel with his lover and friends. Janet cleaned the cuts. Fortunately, they weren’t too deep, and she didn’t need to stitch. A few butterfly strips did the work. Daniel lay on the bed in a semi-sitting position and Jack tucked him.

“There was a nurse, there, on the-the… hospital,” the archaeologist explained. “Her name was Rose. God, when I saw Judith’s nametag…”

“… all the memories rushed over you,” Janet concluded.

Daniel nodded. “How can I be sure which reality is the… real one?” Four hearts constricted at the dismay in his voice.

“This is my fault,” Jack stated firmly. “I shouldn’t have left you alone.”

“You can’t be at my side every second of your life, Jack,” Daniel looked at him with sadness. He was screwed enough, he didn’t want to drag the colonel with him.

“The hell I can’t! I’ll retire if it’s necessary!” the gray-haired man exclaimed vehemently.

Daniel shook his head, his eyes moistening again. “No, Jack, no, I’m… I’m not worth it.”

The archaeologist’s words felt like a kick to Jack’s gut. He looked at his mates. “Can you please leave us alone for a moment? I… huh… need to talk to Daniel.”

They all nodded and left the room with a heavy heart.

“I’ll be in my office,” Janet said before closing the door. “Call me if you need me.”

“Thanks, doc.”

Jack returned his attention to Daniel. “So?”

“So?”

“What’s that bullshit about your worthiness?”

“Jack, nothing of what happened is your fault. I won’t let you sacrifice your career for me,” Daniel shook his head in bewilderment.

“Look, Danny,” Jack started, “maybe your brain is all scrambled up, but mine isn’t. I do know that this one is the only existing reality. You are Dr. Daniel Jackson, archaeologist/linguist/anthropologist, a royal pain in the ass, and, on top of the cake, my partner. We committed to each other time ago. You, Daniel, are the most worthy person in my world. I can’t even imagine a life without you anymore. The only reason why I didn’t trash the galaxy looking for you since the day Osiris took you, it’s because I was in a coma for three weeks. It took me two months to be cleared for duty.”

“Oh, my God, Jack!” the younger man stared at him in shock.

“Yeah, I guess I forgot to mention that,” Jack shrugged. “You had enough of your own. I went nuts, you know? No one had seen you dead or alive. When Jacob came with the news… and when we found you…” Jack cupped his lover’s face and brushed his cheek with his thumb tenderly. “What I mean, Danny is that I love you, more than anything, and if it comes to that, leaving everything for you would never, never constitute a sacrifice.”

Daniel swallowed the huge lump that had formed in his throat. He wanted to believe Jack so much… if only he could clear his mind, to trust them all, to be sure that he was really Daniel Jackson, that David Miller didn’t exist, that everything had been a hoax performed by Osiris… but how was he going to do that, when a simple name, or a face, or a color, or an object could trigger his doubts and his fears any moment? How could ask Jack to leave it all and join him in a life of madness?

“I… I don’t think you realize what you are willing to get into, Jack,” his voice cracked.

“Oh, baby, I’m perfectly aware of the situation, believe me. You need me, and I won’t fail you. You are my family, Daniel. Families support each other in the toughest times. That’s something I didn’t know how to do when Charlie died. I let Sarah down, and I’m not going to make the same mistake again, not with you. You, together with Charlie, are the best thing that ever happened to me, and I will never, never give up on you.”

Daniel pressed his lips together in an attempt to contain the rush of emotions that invaded him. He wanted to tell Jack that he loved him too, but he didn’t dare. If he devoted himself to the relationship with the colonel again and in the end, it turned out to be a hallucination… the only thought cut his breath and exacerbated the agony in his heart. So he just nodded weakly and lowered his gaze.

“What… what if I never get better? What… what if I can never be sure?” he raised his head and looked at Jack again, angst written all over his face. “God, Jack, I want to believe you, but I’m so scared, so scared…”

Jack took him into his arms and held him tightly. “I’ll do everything in my hand to help you believe, even if it takes the rest of my life.” They stayed like that for a few minutes, just taking reassurance from each other’s scent. Then Jack gave a last squeeze and broke the embrace, kissing Daniel’s forehead in the process. “Besides, Hammond is likely to make me resign right away,” he sighed.

“What?” Daniel asked, puzzled. “Why?”

“Well, for starters, he kinda heard me calling you “baby” and telling you “I love you,” the colonel made a face.

“Jack…”

“It’s not a big deal, Danny, I told you.”

“Jack, no, God, it’s my fault, it’s my fault.” Daniel looked up and blinked back tears.

“Hey, hey, look at me, look at me.” Daniell sniffed and complied. “Listen to me and listen well. Nothing, I repeat, nothing about this is your fault, you hear me?”

“But…”

“Nothing.”

“Maybe, maybe you can talk to Hammond,” the archaeologist suggested. “Tell him that you didn’t mean it like that, that the stress of the situation made you said those words.”

Jack shook his head. “I’m not going to lie to him about our relationship, Daniel. But you’re right. I should talk to him.”

***

Jack left Daniel under Sam and Teal’c’s care and headed to the General’s office. The Texan saw him through the blinds and signaled him to come in.

“Sir.”

“Close the door, Colonel, and have a seat,” Hammond invited in a neutral voice.

“Yes, Sir.”

Hammond entwined his fingers and rested his hands on the table. “We are both adult people, Colonel. I don’t want to create an uncomfortable atmosphere, but obviously, you are aware that I’m aware.”

“Yes, Sir. I will tend my resignation first thing tomorrow,” Jack informed, keeping eye contact with his superior officer. He wouldn’t hide from him, not anymore.

“I won’t accept it,” Hammond stated firmly.

Jack’s eyebrows reached his hairline. “Sir?” he asked, dumbstruck.

“Colonel, I’m not going to ask and you don’t have to tell, but it’s obvious that this isn’t something new. To the same extent is obvious that it hasn’t affected your or Dr. Jackson's commitment to this project. You two are still our best assets, your behavior and professionalism impeccable.”

Jack was beyond bewildered. Did that sound like he thought it sounded? Was the General giving them his blessing?

“As long as it continues this way, what you do out of the base is none of my business.”

“But Sir, the regs…”

“I know that many of my colleagues wouldn’t agree with me, that’s why the fraternization regulation and the DADT policy exist. I personally believe that what makes SG-1 the flag team is precisely the bond you share. You’re all like a small family. What in other cases would be detrimental, in your case is what gives you four the strength to go on.”

Jack cleared his throat. “That’s… hmm… good to know, Sir.”

“They wouldn’t have put me in the charge of that project if I hadn’t an open mind, don’t you think, son?” Hammond chuckled.

“I… I guess no, Sir.”

“Very well, I see we understand each other. Now get out of here and go take care of our boy. I know you are his best chance. Whatever you need, Jack, you just have to ask,” Hammond smiled fondly.

“Yes, Sir,” Jack grinned.

He saluted and left the office, his brain cells still trying to process what has just happened. For a moment he thought it was him who was caught in some sort of wacky hoax. Then his grin widened and ran to the infirmary to deliver his lover the good news.

***

Daniel stayed at the infirmary for a week. Till the date, the antidepressant hadn’t helped much to cheer him up. Besides, they made him feel dazed the entire time, which only reinforced his sensation of irreality. He felt as if he was adrift on a sea of clouds. He had complained to Janet, but there weren’t any other options. With his neurotransmitters so out of place, stopping the medication could drag him to a full depression. Janet wouldn’t risk another attempt of suicide. Unfortunately, the side effects of all known earthly antidepressants were the same. Moreover, they hadn’t been able to determine if the alien substances the archaeologist had been exposed to were still affecting his perceptions. The scans and tests came up clean, but with Goa’uld technology, one could never know for sure. In conclusion, they were tied up, medically speaking. It was a catch-22 situation. Janet only hoped that the drugs hadn’t made permanent damage and once she would reduce the dose of antidepressants, Daniel’s mind would start to recover its senses.

For the time being, he was moody and without an appetite. Janet had to threaten him with a feeding tube so that he started to eat something. He also started with physiotherapy sessions to regain the strength in his legs. After three months of inactivity, he had lost a lot of muscle and he couldn’t stand up on his own. He would have to learn how to walk again, but the truth was that he wasn’t putting all his efforts into it.

Jack only left his side to go to the gym to release his frustration in a punching bag. Minimum once a day, he wheeled Daniel around the base, so he could check that everything stayed the same as he remembered, but all Jack could see in his lover’s expression during those tours was distrust. He even saw something that he had never thought possible to see in his life- Daniel watching at the Stargate with fear clouding his eyes. He cursed Osiris for the millionth time.

Hammond kept SG-1 in downtime for an indeterminate time. Sam took advantage of the situation to catch up with several scientific projects that she had to abandon for lack of hours, while Teal’c was temporarily assigned to SG-8. Both of them spent most of their free time with Daniel, so Jack could take some break. Since the incident with Judith, they hadn’t left the archaeologist out of sight any single minute. Janet didn’t want to use the term “suicidal watch”, but all of them knew that the risk existed.

After a week, the archaeologist’s iron and sugar in blood levels had increased to an acceptable level. Nausea, headache, and sweating, all symptoms associated with the withdrawal, had decreased progressively. There wasn’t a real medical reason to keep him hooked to the infirmary, so Janet released him. Daniel, who normally begged Janet to let him go home, took the news with apprehension. Jack had to appeal to all his charm to convince him that to be at home would be good for him. Anyway, he would have to take Daniel to the base for his physiotherapy sessions every day.

So two weeks after his rescue, Daniel entered Jack’s house in a wheelchair and a bag full of meds. Since their re-encounter, they hadn’t even shared a kiss and Jack didn’t want to force things, so he prepared the spare room for him. The archaeologist wasn’t very talkative, so they had a light supper and sat on the couch to watch some tv.

Since the moment he had come into the house, Daniel had had contradictory feelings. On the one hand, the place made him feel safe. That house was more familiar to him than his own apartment. He had practically settled there once he had started his relationship with Jack. On the other hand, that sensation of home incited his fears. The more he felt comfortable around Jack, the more afraid he was of waking up any day and find out that everything was just an imaginary world.

It was around 10 pm when he began to yawn and Jack suggested that he should go to bed. Since the rescue, he hadn’t been able to sleep more than three hours straight without the help of a sedative, and he felt tired most of the time. Jack helped him to climb the stairs, and he moved with a walker from there. He managed to drag his useless legs to the bathroom while Jack prepared the bed. Then the colonel helped him with the pajama pants and into bed. Daniel, who normally would have protested yelling that he wasn’t invalid and was perfectly capable of putting on his pajamas, thank you very much, allowing Jack’s aid without a word. That was the part that worried the colonel the most. Daniel seemed to have lost his spirit. He wanted to think that it was due to the low levels of dopamine and serotonin, as Janet insisted, but he wasn’t so sure. He had never seen his lover so low, not even when Sha’re had died, and it troubled him big time.

“Will you be ok?” the gray-haired man asked in concern.

“Yeah,” Daniel answered softly.

“Do you want me to stay for a while?”

Daniel considered the offer for a moment, but then he dismissed it. He was a grown man, for God’s sake, and he was tired of feeling scared all the time as if he was a small child lost in the forest.

“No, no, I’ll be ok, really.” He tried to smile, but it didn’t seem very genuine.

“OK, I’ll be right on the other side of the wall. Any problem, you call me, ok?”

“Ok. Thanks, Jack.”

The colonel kissed his forehead. “Good night, Danny.”

“Night.”

Maybe it was the accumulated fatigue or the fact that his subconscious recognized the place as safe, but the question is that Daniel fell into a deep sleep in few minutes and he didn’t even stir for hours.


	7. Chapter 7

Daniel woke up with a feeling of contentment that he hadn’t experienced in months. He cracked open his eyes with a smile… and then his world crashed down.

“David, good morning, sweetheart. How are you feeling?”

He wide opened his eyes and his face contorted in terror, his heart hammering wildly against his ribcage.

“M-m-mom…?”

“Oh, Michel! He's back! He’s recognized me!” Adele exclaimed with emotion.

“You've had us very worried, son,” Michael came on sight.

David looked at his father, his face white as a sheet.

“Honey, you don’t have to be afraid, it's us,” another soft voice joined them.

“Sa-Sarah?” David began to shake.

This couldn’t be happening, God, no, not again. Just when he was starting to believe Jack, just when his feelings for him had come back full force. He felt an indescribable pain in his heart, and suddenly he couldn’t breathe.

“No… no… no… God… no…” he gasped, struggling to send air into his lungs. “I can’t… I can’t… God, no… no…”

His father grabbed from his shoulders and began to shake him.

“Wake up! Wake up!”

Wake up? He couldn't understand what he was saying. He was awake. Why was he asking him to wake up? Everything became blurry, the sight, the sound… The older man was saying something else, but David couldn’t hear him anymore. He could see his mouth moving fast. Was he yelling at him? Why would he do that? He shook him harder. Why was he shaking him so hard? Was he mad at him? David’s mind went numb. He couldn’t cope with such pain again, so his brain started to shut down.

***

Jack was desperate. He had awakened at the sounds of Daniel’s distress, and in two strides he had planted himself at the archaeologist’s room. He had found him thrashing about, sweating and trembling, obviously caught in a nightmare. He had grabbed him by the shoulders and had started to shake him and tell him to wake up. That had been at least three minutes ago, and Daniel was still a prisoner of his dream. His breathing was labored, and Jack feared that if he continued like that, he was going to suffocate.

“Damn it, Danny, wake up! It's me, Jack! You have to wake up and breathe!”

Why was his father shaking him so hard? David's foggy mind couldn’t make sense of it. He was already awake, couldn’t he see it? Although he wished he weren’t. The pain for the new loss was too much. It hurt to breathe; it hurt to exist. At that moment, he just wished to fall asleep and never wake up again.

_“Da… wake up… it's me… a…!”_

“No… no… stop… let go… of me… no… no… can’t… can’t…” Daniel’s eyelids were at half-mast, but his sight was unfocused. It was clear to Jack that he wasn’t recognizing him. The archaeologist’s trembling increased, and he moaned as tears began to spill. He seemed to be in pain.

Jack grabbed his face and patted his cheek, but Daniel still didn’t respond.

“Danny!”

_Da…_

“Danny, damn it, look at me! It’s Jack!”

_Da… it… look… me… it's… a…_

The archaeologist didn’t make any effort to understand the words. He just wanted to disappear and never come back.

“Danny!”

_Da…_

“Danny!”

_Da…_

Jack approached even closer to his lover’s face, positioning himself as his only field of vision, and patted it a bit harder.

“Look at me, look at me, Daniel! Daniel!!!”

_Da… niel…_

This time, somehow, the younger man's brain registered the word. Daniel. Something deep inside told him that he needed to listen to the voice. That voice… it was saying other things, and it didn’t… It didn’t sound like his father. Also… this mouth… those lips... he knew those lips… Was it possible…? Was it…?

“God, baby, don’t do this to me, please, you need to wake up!” Jack was frantic. He didn’t know what else to do.

Suddenly, he noticed Daniel’s pupils shrink, a sign that his sight was focusing. And then he saw the first glimpse of recognition.

“J… J'ck?” The archaeologist’s chest was rising and falling in short spasm as he struggled to breathe. Thick tears continued rolling down his cheeks.

“Yes, baby, it’s me, it’s me! It was a nightmare, just a nightmare!”

Daniel opened his eyes completely and found himself staring at Jack’s face. The colonel was deadly pale, fear contorting his features.

“Night… nightmare?” the younger man gasped.

“Yes, just a nightmare, just a nightmare, you’re home, you’re safe. Please, baby, breath!”

“Jack, oh, Jack, I thought… I thought…!" Daniel launched towards the colonel, who quickly wrapped his arms around his body and held him tightly while he sobbed in relief.

“I… I was there again, God, I woke up… I woke up and… I was there… I was there…”

“Shhhh, it’s ok, it’s ok, you’re home, you’re safe.” Jack rubbed his lover’s back up and down in comfort. His t-shirt was damp with cold sweat and he was shivering hard.

Dammit to hell, it was his fault. How had occurred to him to leave Daniel alone? Although he hadn’t had any nightmares on the ship or in the infirmary, it was reasonable to think that they would appear, eventually. The reason they hadn't surfaced before probably was due to the fact that the archaeologist hadn’t slept more than a few hours straight since the rescue. Jack looked at the alarm clock on the nightstand. 2:08 am. Daniel had been sleeping for four hours.

Jack continued reassuring his lover with smooth strokes and soft words and little by little, Daniel’s breathing evened. After several minutes, he pulled away and reached out a hand to brush the older man’s jaw tentatively.

“I thought I had lost you again. What if… what if someday I really wake up there? What if it's just a delusion after all? I… I think I had never been more scared in my entire life.”

“That’s not gonna happen, because this is your authentic life,” Jack assured him.

“How can I be sure?” Daniel asked with anguish. Nothing of what he had experienced since his return had convinced his dazed mind entirely. His life was a constant question.

“You need to trust me, please, Danny, you need to trust me.”

The archaeologist said nothing, and Jack’s heart cracked. He never had experienced hallucinations himself, but he knew how realistic they could seem to people who went through that. He knew that ask Daniel to trust him didn’t really help. After all, that would probably be what a delusion would say. It was him who needed to trust, trust that with time and the proper medication, Daniel would convince himself of the truth.

“You’re soaked. You need to change your clothes, otherwise, you'll catch a cold,” Jack suggested as he stood up and looked for a new t-shirt in the chest of drawers.

“Thanks,” Daniel whispered, taking the clean clothes.

Once changed, Jack helped him to stand up.

“Where are we going?” the archaeologist asked, confused.

“You’re coming to my bed,” the colonel stated. “I'm not leaving you alone again.”

“Jack… I… I can’t…” Daniel was terrified of resuming his physical relationship with Jack. If he devoted himself to him again and everything resulted to be a hallucination…

“Danny, we'll just sleep, ok?” the colonel calmed him down. “I need to be with you when the next nightmare strikes so I can wake you up immediately. I'm not risking a new episode like this one. I know the medication makes you feel dazed, I know it’s difficult for you to trust me, we don’t need to add fuel to the fire.”

Daniel looked at the older man’s warm chocolate eyes and saw nothing but honesty. He swallowed his fear and nodded weakly. He leaned on Jack, who helped him to the main bedroom. As soon as they lay on the bed, Daniel curled up into a ball, giving his back to the colonel. Jack sighed and turned off the light.

***

It was already dawn when Jack heard the first whimper. This time, he didn’t lose a second. He turned on the light and started to shake Daniel as he patted his cheek.

“Daniel! Wake up, wake up! It’s just a nightmare!”

Jack's fast intervention was the key. After a few seconds, the archaeologist snapped open his eyes and sat bolt upright. After a brief moment of confusion, his gaze focused on the colonel.

“Jack… God…” Daniel panted.

“Hey, you ok?”

Daniel closed his eyes and swallowed repeatedly, trying to catch his breath.

“Danny?”

The archaeologist nodded and opened his eyes. “Sorry, sorry, I… I was there again, I was there again…”

“It was a nightmare, just a nightmare,” Jack reassured him as he carded his hair tenderly.

Daniel pulled his knees up and wrapped his arms around his legs. He rested his chin on top of his knees and looked at Jack.

“In case you’re not a figment of my mind… thank you. I don’t know how you’re able to stand all this… madness, but… thank you. I don’t think I had a chance without you.”

“It must be love,” Jack smiled.

The gesture warmed Daniel’s heart, and he almost smiled back. Almost.

***

For the next two weeks, Daniel and Jack followed the same routine. Every morning they went to the mountain where Daniel underwent his physiotherapy sessions while Jack trained in the gym. He didn’t want to be far in case that something triggered his trauma and experienced some other flashback. Three days after the first nightmare, he had found the archaeologist collapsed in the shower stall, hugging himself and crying, caught in a piece of memory because he had run out of hot water. Two days after that, he freaked out when they went to fill the tank with gas and he saw a woman with curled blond hair similar to Sarah’s.

They usually got lunch at the base, and after that, Jack wheeled Daniel around. Some days they went to the grocery, and other ones they just go home and watched some tv or played some chess. The fact that Jack used to win the game evidenced how distracted Daniel was.

The nightmares were constant, bursting in once or twice every night. The consequence was that neither of them was sleeping properly. Daniel was apathetic and felt tired most of the time. The situation had started to take his toll on Jack, who despite knowing that nothing of that was Daniel’s fault, he had already lost his temper with his lover a couple of times. That afternoon became the third.

“I talked to Wilson,” the colonel said, referring to Daniel’s physiotherapist. “He says that you’re not doing your part. That if he didn’t know you better, he'd say that you’re giving up. Are you, Danny? Are you giving up?”

Daniel watched his partner from the couch where he was sitting. The colonel was pacing around the living room, a deep frown tightening his face.

“Wa-what? No, of course not!” the archaeologist tried to defend himself. 

“Then what is it, huh? He says you've barely made progress in two weeks. This isn’t like you, Daniel. You’re a fighter, what’s going on?”

“I… I…” the younger man stared at him for a few seconds and then looked away.

“Danny, I… I love you, but I can’t do this alone,” Jack sighed in defeat. “You must do your part, too.”

“For what’s worth to love…” Daniel muttered.

“Oh, here we go again!” the older man exclaimed, exasperated.

“How… how can say you love me? How… how can you love such a wreck?” Daniel’s voice cracked.

“Danny, look at me.”

The archaeologist just shook his head.

“Daniel, look at me, please.” Something in Jack’s sudden soft tone made the younger man raise his head. Watery sapphire eyes met warm chocolate ones. “I do love you, because behind that… wreck as you say, beats the heart of Dr. Daniel Jackson, the stronger, smarter, most caring and lovable soul I've ever know, and I'll bring you back, even if it’s the last thing I do in my life.”

Daniel’s eyes were bright with unshed tears. “Am I? I mean… every time I go to sleep I wake up being David Miller.” The first tear rolled down his cheek. “I… I don’t know if I'm Daniel dreaming it’s David, or if I’m David dreaming it’s Daniel.” He let out something between a laugh and a sob.

“How… how can’t you know? How can’t you see the difference?” Jack asked in disbelief.

“I don’t know, I just can’t, ok?! I can’t!” Daniel shouted. He wrapped his arms around his midsection, pulled up his knees, and buried his face in them. Silent sobs began to shake his body. “Damn it! I hate it!” He yelled as he raised his head and swept his tears away with his sleeve brusquely.

At that moment he wanted nothing more than to stand up and run to the end of the world, but his weakened legs didn’t allow it. He roared as he clenched his fists and rammed them against the cushion in utter frustration.

“Shit! I’m tired of this! I’m tired of not knowing, and I’m tired of crying like a stupid baby every time I think of it! How can you stand me? I can’t even stand myself!”

Jack ran his fingers through his hair. “God help me, Daniel if you start again with the unworthiness crap…!”

The doorbell interrupted him. “We’re not done, you hear me?” he pointed to the archaeologist with his finger.

The colonel went to open the door, leaving Daniel hugging himself and rocking back and forth as he stared at nothing vacantly. The younger man was aware of voices at the entrance of the house, but he didn’t pay attention. He was caught in his spiral of confusion and endless doubts. He was living in a world of constant fear and mistrust, and he had no idea how to get out of there. The last thing he needed was arguments with Jack to add fuel to his tormented mind.

“Meeeeeoooow.”

Daniel froze to the unexpected sound. He lowered his head slowly and saw two bright green eyes embedded in a furry golden ball staring at him with curiosity. All of a sudden, the ball leaped to his lap and made itself comfortable. Daniel blinked repeatedly, completely petrified. He wasn’t aware of the voices talking to him.

“Daniel, hey, Danny!”

“Daniel, it’s me, Janet, can you hear me?”

“Danny, Janet brought the cat. You remember the cat, right?”

Janet kneeled in front of the archaeologist and shook his knee slightly. “Daniel, sweetie, it’s me, Janet. I brought the cat. I thought you would like to have it. Daniel?”

“Th-th-the cat,” Daniel stammered. “Ca-ca-can you see it?”

After their arrival at the SGC, he hadn’t seen the feline again. Jack hadn’t spoken about it either, so Daniel had got to the conclusion that he had imagined it as well. They just had added another piece to his puzzle of confusion.

“Yes, we can see it. It’s real, Danny. It was with you when we found you, remember? It followed us to the ship. Honestly, I had forgotten about it. You know I’m more of a dogs person.” Jack sat next to his lover and petted the animal’s small head.

Daniel nodded to the memory.

“We had to quarantine it for some days,” Janet explained. “Oh, by the way, it is a “she”. A beautiful and healthy little kitty. The vet estimated that she’s around two years old.”

After a moment of hesitation, Daniel unwrapped one of his arms and stroke the cat’s nape gently. He smiled briefly when the feline purred to the touch. Someway, the cat helped him to calm down. It was the only piece in the puzzle that belonged to both worlds, so it grounded him in some way. Whether he was Daniel Jackson or David Miller, at least he was sure the cat was real. Maybe at that moment, he was imagining her, together with the rest, but he knew that even if someday he’d wake up definitely as David Miller, the cat would be there.

Janet raised his head and Janet saw his damp cheeks.

“Daniel, what’s wrong? Colonel, what happened?” she asked in concern.

“We had a discussion, right, Danny?” Jack sighed and looked at Janet. “Basically, he thinks he's not worth the effort and I don’t agree. I don’t know, doc, It doesn’t appear to be any progress… nothing I say convinces him that we’re real.”

Janet mimicked the sigh, sat on the couch at the other side of the archaeologist, and took his hand.

“I’ve been reviewing your file,” she said softly. “I’ve re-checked your results, and honestly, I'm at a loss. I thought that once the drugs were completely worn out you would regain your contact with reality, but, I don’t know, I'm thinking that maybe they gave you some substance with hypnotic properties.”

“Hyp-hypnotic?” Daniel frowned.

“Are you saying that Daniel might be hypnotized?” Jack asked, alarmed at the idea.

“Well, maybe not the way we usually understand hypnosis, but whatever it is, it’s still affecting him. Besides, the antidepressants aren’t doing their work either. He should have started to feel its effects days ago.”

“I don’t want to take them anymore,” the archaeologist asked with pleading eyes. “They daze me.”

Janet squeezed his hand and sighed. He glanced at Jack for a moment before looking at Daniel again.

“Some weeks ago, Jacob suggested the use of the Tok'ra memory device…”

“No way!” Jack protested. “You said yourself it wasn’t a good idea.”

“I know, I know, it wasn’t at that moment, and I would never suggest anything that could damage him further, but days are passing by, and honestly, I'm out of options.”

“Well, can’t we just dehypnotized him?” the colonel scowled at her.

“I told you, it’s not at hypnosis as we know it, I… I just really don’t know what it is. I thought that the Tok'ra memory device, used under strict control, could shed some light on the matter. What do you say, Daniel?”

Janet and Jack returned their attention to the archaeologist. He was pale as a sheet and was trembling. Haunted sapphire eyes stared at the colonel.

“N-n-no, no… Jack, please… don’t… don’t let them put that thing on me, please, no, no…”

Jack put an arm over his shoulders. “Hey, hey, no one is going to do anything without your consent, right, doctor?”

“No, of course not, it was… it was just an idea.”

“Jack, please, please, don’t let them, don’t let them,” Daniel repeated, anguish written all over his face. “Please, Jack, please!”

The older man engulfed him into a hug and started to draw circles on his back. The cat jumped to the floor and hid under the couch.

“Hey, it’s ok, it’s ok, you don’t have to do this, you hear me? You don’t have to do anything you don’t want.”

“Promise?” Daniel’s voice was muffled by Jack’s shoulder.

“I promise, I promise, you’re safe, baby, you’re safe.”

“He’s right, Daniel,” Janet said. “I'm sorry I mentioned it, it was just an idea, you don’t have to do this.”

Little by little, the archaeologist composed himself and broke the hug.

“You ok?” Jack cupped his cheek.

Daniel nodded weakly. “Where did the cat go?” he asked, noticing the absence on his lap.

“I think she’s under the couch,” Janet smiled. “Don’t worry, I'm sure she’s ok. Oh, look, here she is!”

The cat left her hiding place shyly and leaped to his new owner’s lap again. He stroked her soft fur gently. Definitely, her presence helped him to relax.

“So doc, what about Danny?” Jack rubbed his hair. “Are we at a dead end? Are you saying there’s nothing we can do?”

“No, no, I talked with Dr. Peterson…”

“The shrink?”

“Yes, the psychiatrist I'm collaborating with. Not all psychiatrists are as short-minded as McKenzie, colonel,” she added, seeing the sneer on his face.

“Yeah, whatever.”

“Since the Tok’ra device is not an option, we'll begin reducing the medication. If Daniel’s mind regains some lucidity, he might be able to see the truth.”

“Is that wise? I mean… hmm, well, you know what I mean.” Obviously, Jack was worried about Daniel's suicide attempt three weeks ago.

“I won’t lie to you, colonel, it has its risks, but at that point, any action we try has them. We are not sure what we’re dealing with, and it’s likely that we'll never know.”

Jack sighed, rested his elbows on his knees, and buried his face in his hands for a few seconds. Then he looked at his lover, who seemed very concentrated on petting the cat.

“How can I help?” the colonel asked Janet.

“What you already do is more than enough. Actually, Sir, I came here to talk to you about that. Since you brought Daniel home, you’ve barely let anyone else approach him. Sir, you must let us help you take care of him. We don’t know how the descent of medication will affect him. He'll need to be in constant supervision.”

“He’s my partner, doc, I love him and I want to take care of him,” Jack stated firmly.

“I knew you would say that,” Janet said. “That’s why we’re having this conversation here instead of at the SGC.”

“Then since we’re in a safe environment, I can be completely honest with you,” Jack said. “My relationship with Daniel is the most important thing in my life, I need to be at his side, I want to be at his side. If something happened to him while… “he couldn’t finish the sentence. He had left Daniel alone once since they had rescued him, and he had almost slit his throat with a pair of scissors. Then, the first night, when he had left him alone in the spare room, he had almost lost him trapped in that first nightmare. He wouldn’t leave him alone again. He promised him he wouldn’t let him down, and he was absolutely adamant about fulfilling this promise. He had failed the people he loved too many times- Charlie, Sara, Daniel himself more than once. He wouldn’t do it again.”

“Colonel, I know the emotional toll that kind of situations take. Let us help you. Sam, Teal’c and I, we love Daniel, too, you know? You’re not alone.”

“I… I can stay with Sam and Teal’c sometimes, Jack. I don’t mind,” Daniel suddenly interrupted. He was so distracted petting the cat that Jack and Janet had thought he wasn’t listening to them. “Janet’s right, I'm a burden, you need to rest.”

“Thank you very much, doc!” Jack glared at her.

“God, Daniel, no, sweetie!” Janet exclaimed, alarmed. “You’re not a burden at all! I didn’t mean that! But you’re sick and the colonel, well, you know how much he loves you. He’s devoted to you and he's not resting properly, and given his sunken cheeks, I'm sure he’s not eating properly either.

“Sometimes he gets mad at me,” Daniel confessed. "Like before."

“Oh, for crying out loud, Danny. I'm not mad at you, I'm mad at the situation. I'm sorry about before. It’s just that all this crap…”

“Beats you?” Janet finished for him.

Jack sighed in defeat. “Let me think about it, ok?”

“Thank you, Sir. For now, it’s all I want to hear.”

***

For the next weeks, things stayed more or less the same. Nightmares kept haunting Daniel night after night, and thanks to Jack’s quick interventions, he didn’t get trapped in them for more than a few minutes every time.

Under Dr. Peterson's control, Janet started to decrease the dose of antidepressants. Little by little Daniel’s mind got out of the foggy field, but he still wasn’t making contact with reality. The theory that he might be caught in some sort of hypnotic influence gained force, but how to snap him out of it? Every time someone suggested the use of hypnosis or the Tok'ra memory device, he freaked out.

The archaeologist wasn’t making much progress on his physical condition either. He still didn’t apply himself enough during the sessions of physiotherapy, and the result was that he still needed to depend on the wheelchair or the walker most of the time.

This wasn’t the Daniel they knew. He didn’t feel like doing anything. He hadn’t even read a single line since his rescue. When he was home, he usually spent hours just sitting by the window stroking the cat. It was as if he didn’t expect anything of his life. He lived with the constant fear of waking up at the hospital in Chicago.

Jack hadn’t tried to re-start their physical relationship yet. He knew Daniel wasn’t ready, but the truth is that he longed for his lover. He missed the touch, the caresses, the mind-blowing sex… To share the bed with him and not being able to go further than hugging was driving him crazy. He had tried to follow Janet’s advice, but as soon as he left Daniel alone with Sam or Teal’c, all sort of terrifying images started to fill his mind, so either if he went jogging or to do some errand, he never strayed far from the archaeologist more than an hour.

As for Daniel, he had tried by all means to keep his feelings for Jack at bay, but to no avail. His love for the colonel had done nothing more than strengthen. He was utterly, completely, endlessly in love with him, which only served to increase his constant anxiety. He missed the touch as much as Jack, but the simple thought of having sex with him awakened all his fears full force.

Four weeks after Janet’s visit, General Hammond summoned Jack to his office.

“Colonel, have a seat, please.”

“Yessir.”

The general entwined his hands on the table and leaned forward.

“Jack, I understand that there isn’t any significant progress with Dr. Jackson.”

“No, not really, no,” the colonel cleared his throat. He felt a bitter taste in his mouth. He knew he wouldn’t like what the General had to say.

“I've been receiving pressure from Washington. They want SG-1 reactivated immediately. You have one week to find a replacement for Dr. Jackson, otherwise, I'll assign someone myself.”

Jack’s stomach flip-flopped. “With all due respect, Sir, I can’t go back to the field. I can’t leave Daniel alone.”

“I understand that, but my hands are tied. You’ll have to find someone to take care of him at home while you’re off-world, or else, we'll be obligated to commit him to mental health.”

“No way, Sir! You can’t do that!” Jack exclaimed, horrified.

“Jack, I know you don’t want to hear it, but Dr. Fraiser's reports are clear. It’s been two months since the rescue and Dr. Jackson appears to be immersed in full depression. Nothing she has tried has worked. He can barely walk, he barely eats, and it doesn’t seem that’s going to change anytime soon.”

“Then I'll retire, Sir, but under no circumstances I'm going to leave Daniel under the care of strangers,” Jack stated adamantly.

Hammond sighed and slumped in his chair. He tapped with his fingers on the table while reconsidered the options. Losing Daniel was a hard strike for the SGC. He didn’t want to lose the colonel, too. Jack saw the hesitation in his CO and took advantage of it.

“You gave me one week, General. Let me use it to try to reach Daniel.”

“What do you expect to achieve in one week that you haven’t in two months?” Hammond asked skeptically.

“Honestly I don’t know, Sir,” Jack scrubbed his hair in frustration. “But I promised him that I wouldn’t give up, and I have the intention to fight for him with all my strength.”

Seeing the determination in his subordinate’s eyes, Hammond could do nothing but accept his request. He didn’t like the idea of committing Daniel more than Jack did. He had been waiting for a miracle for those last weeks, and if something Jack and Daniel were good at, was at beating the odds. This time he wasn’t very confident about a last-minute miracle, but with those men, one could never know.

“Very well, Colonel,” Hammond agreed. “You have one week. If there isn’t any change after that, I'll accept your resignation. Dismissed.”

***

That day, they made the ride home in silence. Jack had been trying to get his brain in gear since his conversation with Hammond, but it was like his brain cells were paralyzed. He had no idea what to do to get to Daniel. He had been trying for two months, but the archaeologist still didn’t fully believe him. Should he confront him harder? Should he try a more direct approach?

It was past 4 pm when they arrived home. Daniel was tired after an unusually long session of physiotherapy, so Jack unfolded the wheelchair and pushed him to the living room.

“Daniel…” Jack took a seat in front of his lover and took his hands. “I need to talk to you about something.”

The archaeologist just stared at him blankly.

“I talked to Hammond today, or rather he talked to me.”

“About me?” Daniel guessed.

Jack nodded. “He is aware of your lack of progress and… huh… he wants me back on the field.”

Daniel froze, and his face lost all color.

“I told him that under no circumstances I'm going to leave you alone while you’re sick. He conceded me one more week.” Jack paused for a moment and took a deep breath. He stared at his lover with warm eyes. “If there isn’t any change by then, I'm going to retire.”

Daniel’s eyes wide opened. “Ja-Jack… you… you can’t. God, I've dragged you into my madness. I'm sorry, God, this is all my fault, all my fault.”

“Danny, stop.” Jack cupped the younger man’s jaw and brushed his cheek with his thumb tenderly. “Nothing of this is your fault, it's all Osiris’. And one way or another, we'll get through it. It's just taking us a bit longer than we thought, but we'll find a way.”

“But Jack, I… I can’t ask you to sacrifice your career for me. It’s your life,” Daniel’s face saddened.

“No, baby, you are my life. Without you at my side, it doesn’t mean anything. I love you, Danny, more than life itself. Not my career, not the Air Force. You.”

And unable to resist one more second, he pulled Daniel forward until their lips met for the first time since the nightmare had begun.

In the first moment, Daniel responded to the kiss. His heart expanded at the memory of hundreds of moments like that. But were they real memories or just induced by his mental disorder? He put his palm on Jack’s chest and pushed him away slowly.

“I can’t… I… I can’t give myself to you yet, I… I can’t…” His face crumpled in anguish and a trembling sob escaped his lips.

“For God’s sake, Daniel, it’s been two months since we rescued you. I am real, this house, the SGC, everything is real. What proof do you need?” Jack waved his hands in frustration.

“Huh, two months!” He snorted. “Dr. Roberts convinced me that I had imagined you for six years!”

“And where is he now, Daniel? You haven’t heard of him, or Sarah, or those supposed parents of yours in all that time! Don’t you think that means something?!” Jack waved his arms around to emphasize his point.

Daniel shook his head. “What if I'm still there, but I just can’t see them? Or remember them, like before? What if… what if I wake up again in that hospital and I realize you don’t exist? I can’t give myself to you until I know for sure. God, I'm so scared! If it turns out that you’re a delusion… I can’t go through that pain again. I… I can’t devote myself to you and lose you again. Do you have any idea how much it hurt? It was as if someone ripped off my heart and stabbed it over and over again.” His voice broke completely at the last word.

Suddenly Jack’s expression went deadly serious and locked his eyes with Daniel’s. “I do know how much it hurts because that’s exactly what I'm feeling right now.”

Daniel couldn’t bear the raw pain written in those usually warm brown eyes and looked away.

“I'm sorry… I'm sorry…” Hot tears rolled down his cheeks, and he brushed them away furiously.

“Tell me you don’t love me,” Jack challenged him.

“I… I…”

“C'mon, can you look at me in the eye and tell me you don’t love me anymore?”

Daniel got trapped in the intensity of Jack’s eyes. He stared at him, his mouth opening and closing as if he were a drowning fish.

“That’s what I thought,” Jack sighed. “I'm not giving up on you, Daniel. Maybe you have, but I won’t.

He stood up abruptly and turned around. “I need some air.” And with that, he stormed out of the room. He went out to the backyard, slamming the glass door on his way.

Daniel’s gut knotted painfully. He wrapped his arms around his midsection and doubled over. A loud sob escaped his mouth and pressed his lips together. Fresh tears slid down his already damp cheeks and he squeezed his eyes shut in a futile attempt to stop them. His shoulders began to shake uncontrollably as he wept silently.

The pain that coursed through his heart was unbearable. No matter what Jack said, it was all his fault. Jack was willing to sacrifice his life for him, and what could he offer in return? Just an existence of endless misery. It wouldn’t even be life. He couldn’t let that happen. He loved Jack too much. He couldn’t bear the idea of being the reason for his unhappiness. The colonel didn’t deserve that. He deserved someone who could return his love openly, without restrictions imposed by his fears. Someone who wasn’t a burden, a liability. Daniel knew how stubborn and committed Jack was. He had said it himself. He would never give up. If he had decided to retire, not even a train out of control was going to stop him. But Jack would never be happy devoting his life to him. He would end up hating him and that would be unbearable. He had the power to stop this from happening. Oh, sure the colonel would grieve him for some time, but once he got over it, he would be free to love someone who could love him in return with the same passion. Besides, if he was a delusion after all, there was nothing to worry about, right?

Decision made, Daniel wheeled towards the stairs that led to the bedroom.

***

Meanwhile, oblivious to his partner's intentions, Jack paced around the backyard for a while, and then he sat on one of the benches on the porch. As soon as he hit the wood, the cat appeared and jumped to his lap. Jack began to stroke her gently.

“So, what do you think? I could use some ideas.”

“Meow.”

“It helps me… not. But thanks anyway.”

“Meow.”

***

Once at the bottom of the stairs, Daniel exchanged the wheelchair for his crutches. He wobbled to Jack’s bedroom, and there, in the first drawer on the nightstand, found what he was looking for- Jack’s personal gun. The archaeologist grabbed it and felt the cold metal on the palm of his hand. He should do it right away before he could have second thoughts. He sat on the bed and swallowed hard as he pressed the barrel against his temple. A shiver ran down his spine and let out a muffled sob. He just needed to pull the trigger and all the pain would go away… and with it, all hope of a happy life with Jack. Suddenly, he felt the urge to see him one last time. He positioned the crutches under his armpits with trembling hands and went back to the living room.

Once there, he discarded the crutches and sat in the wheelchair again. He didn’t want that the exertion of standing up would somehow debilitate his pulse. He put the gun on his lap and wheeled towards the window. Strangely, his heart was beating more steadily than one would have expected. For the first time in five months, he felt something close enough to peace. Just a few minutes more, and all the pain, all the suffering would end for good.

He stopped near the window, at an angle where he could see Jack, but the colonel couldn’t see him. He watched the handsome face for a few seconds, and a sudden feeling of longing struck him. He felt how the pain was trying to find its way into his heart again. He couldn’t endure it anymore. He needed to stop it, and he needed to do it now.

He took the gun, gripped it, hooked his index finger around the trigger, and pointed it to his temple with a slightly shaking hand.

***

Jack was still sitting on the bench stroking the cat, pondering his options, when the most terrible noise imaginable snapped him out of his thoughts and made his blood freeze in his veins.

The sound of a gunshot inside the house.


	8. Chapter 8

Jack’s heart leaped to his mouth at the same time that the cat jumped to the floor.

“Daniel! God, no, no! Daniel! Danny!!!”

Jack rushed into the house, his heart hammering so wildly that he thought it was going to drill a hole in his chest and shoot out. What he saw as he stepped into the living room, stooped him cold on his tracks. Daniel was sitting in the wheelchair facing the window, his face ashen and contorted, his eyes wide open in shock. He looked as if he had seen a ghost. Next to the wheelchair, on the floor, lay Jack’s gun, still smoky. It had apparently fallen and shot accidentally as it had hit the wood.

Jack’s head spun as his heart plummeted to his feet. He felt dizzy and grabbed the doorframe to steady himself. Then he took a deep breath to keep his rolling stomach at bay and approached Daniel cautiously.

“Dan-ny…”

The archaeologist didn’t react, he just kept staring at the window with haunted unfocused eyes. The older man half kneeled in front of him and took the hand that was resting on his lap. His right hand, the one which had held the gun, was limp at his side.

“Danny! Danny, talk to me! What were you going to do, for Christ's sake! Please don’t tell me that it is what it looks like, please Danny, please!” Jack's eyes filled with tears and a lump the size of Texas formed in his throat.

This couldn’t be. Daniel had not tried to kill himself. There had to be some other explanation. He loved him, he would never hurt him so badly. Unless, God, unless his suffering was really unbearable. How hadn’t he noticed he was feeling so bad? What sort of partner was he that he hadn't realized his lover’s level of pain. Even so, it wasn’t like Daniel to give up like this. Daniel valued life above all. Hell, it had been Daniel who had fought his own death wish on Abydos during the first mission. He would never commit premeditated suicide. It just wasn’t in his nature to give up like this. It had to be the damn drugs after effects.

“Daniel, please, talk to me! What were you going to do? Talk to me!” Jack shook the younger man’s hand.

“He… he tried to show me, he tried to show me, and I… I didn’t realize…”

“Danny, who's he? Who are you talking about?”

“The man. The man who stroked the cat.”

Daniel continued looking outside, barely blinking, although his sight seemed more focused now. Jack stared at those bright sapphire eyes and saw something new in them. Something he hadn’t seen in many months. Something that looked like… lucidity.

“Danny?”

The archaeologist started to speak slowly, his cadence steady for the first time since the rescue. “When I was at the hospital, except for the time my parents, Sarah or Dr. Roberts visited me, I had nothing to do. There wasn’t much I could do, anyway, considering the fact that I felt dopey the whole time. I used to spend several hours just sitting in my wheelchair, staring at the window.” He stopped for a moment to collect his thoughts and control his emotions, which were threatening to overflow.

“Go on,” Jack encouraged him softly.

“There was a garden. There were other patients walking around. Some of them were chatting, other ones just sitting. There was a bench below my window, and a man was sitting there, stroking a cat on his lap. He was there every day. I wasn’t wearing my glasses and I couldn’t see him clearly, but I’m sure he was the same man. Every time I looked through the window, he was there.”

Daniel swallowed before continuing. Jack kept holding his hand, his heart in his mouth. His gut feeling told him that what Daniel was trying to say was important, so he listened carefully to what his lover had to say.

“One day, a man came into my room and he gave me a cat. I think he talked to me, but my mind was dazed and I couldn’t understand him. I thought that perhaps it was some sort of therapy, since that other patient had a cat, too.” Then Daniel’s eyes moved and laid on Jack’s chocolate orbs. To the colonel’s surprise, the younger man smiled. “Jack, it was the same cat. I’m sure of it. I had the cat on my lap, while that man was sitting on the bench, stroking the same animal. The cat couldn’t be at two places at the same time, right? That’s what he tried to show me, and I didn’t notice it! God, Jack, it’s so clear now. It was a trick, just a trick, nothing of that was real! You… are.”

Realizing the meaning of what Daniel was saying, Jack moved closer and engulfed him in a tight hug. Daniel returned the gesture with the same force. At that moment, he couldn’t hold it anymore and burst into tears.

“I'm sorry, God, Jack, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry…”

“Shhh, it’s not your fault, it's not your fault,” Jack soothed him with a cracked voice as he ran circles on his back.

Daniel cried away all his fears, pains, uncertainties, and guilt for several minutes as he clung to Jack for dear life. The colonel held him the entire time. The uncomfortable position he was in was killing his knees, but he wouldn’t let him go for anything.

Finally, the archaeologist’s sobs subsided, and he pulled away but just a few inches. He stared at his lover with puffy, red-rimmed eyes.

“I love you, Jack, I love you, I… I haven’t told you in months, God, Jack, I was so terrified, and I’m so, so sorry. I love you so much.”

This time was Jack who couldn’t hold it anymore and thick tears slid down his cheeks. “Do you have any idea what that gunshot did to me? Jesus, Daniel, of all things… I thought… I thought… hell, don’t you dare to scare me like this again. Never. You hear me?”

Daniel’s eyes wide opened in horror and covered his quivering lips with his hand. He hadn’t considered it. His action had triggered the memories of Charlie’s death. How could he have been so insensitive?

“Jesus, I'm an idiot, a complete, total idiot. I'm so sorry, I… I wasn’t thinking, I… I… I just wanted the pain to stop.” His face crumpled in sheer anguish.

Jack cupped his face gently. “ You scared the shit out of me, Danny. You’re my life. If you had… I wouldn’t have survived. I'm sorry I didn’t realize how desperate you were. I should have seen it, I should have known. Dammit, I shouldn’t have left you alone. Are you looking for an idiot? You’re pointing in the wrong direction.”

“No, Jack, nothing of this is your fault either. I guess there’s only one person… snake to blame.”

“If I ever get my hands on him…” Jack clenched his teeth.

“Just… please, remember it's Sarah in there,” Daniel warned, seeing the expression of loathing on his lover’s face when he referred to the Goa’uld.

“So, no more doubts?” the older man's features softened as he brushed Daniel’s cheek with his thumb.

“No, no, “the archaeologist shook his head. “I feel like if I've just awakened from an endless nightmare. All of a sudden, everything makes sense. Now I realize that some other things were odd, too. The garden for example. The grass was bright green, but it never rained, and I never saw any sprinkler watering it.

“Well, looks like the thing with the cat really did the trick. By the way, where did she go?” Jack turned his head, looking for the feline.

“Egeria!” Daniel exclaimed, bouncing on the wheelchair.

“What?”

“The cat! Her name's Egeria! The man told me when he gave it to me!”

“Why does that name ring bell?” Jack asked, trying to remember where he had heard it before.

“Jack, Egeria is the name of the Tok'ra queen, the mother of all Tok'ra. God, that guy gave me two huge clues, and I didn’t get any of them. Damned drugs, I can’t believe I missed it! He was a Tok'ra!”

“I told you before, in the ship, remember?” Jack pointed out.

“Yeah, and I didn’t believe you. I’m sorry.”

“Short, slender, black straight hair, Greek nose, around twenty-five, right?” Jack ventured.

“That’s the one. You told me he helped you someway?"

“His name was Adam. He infiltrated us to Osiris’ fortress “, jack explained. “He contacted Jacob, and he came to us. That guy told him that one day Osiris ordered him and other servants to pose as patients and stay in the garden. That’s when he sat on the bench and stroke his cat. I bet Osiris recorded them somehow, and that was the image they displayed to you every day. They must have thought that with the drugs you wouldn’t realize that the image was always the same.”

“And it worked. I never realized until now. So, he helped you to rescue me? Where… where is he? I'd like to meet him and thank him.”

Jack’s face shadowed. “He’s dead, Danny. He died during our escape.”

Daniel closed his eyes for a moment, trying to digest the deluge of information gathered in the last few minutes. Jack moved closer and glued their foreheads together.

“Hey, you ok?” he asked softly.

The archaeologist shook his head. “Those people… they… they convinced me they were my parents. God, Jack, I’m thrilled that you’re real but…”

“You feel like you lost your parents again,” Jack finished for him.

Daniel nodded weakly. “I feel so stupid. They were likely Goa’uld, and still… “

“Hey, hey,” the colonel stroke his face, “you’re everything but stupid, you hear me? They deceived you, doped you to the gills, and brainwashed you. And considering the fact that you possess the most brilliant mind I’ve ever come across, I’m convinced that no one could have had a chance against those drugs. It is unlikely that anyone else would have survived.

“I… I ended up loving them, I…” Daniel’s eyes moistened again. “There’s one part of me that misses them, and Sarah, I… I thought she was my wife, I had… I had feelings for her, I… I… it’s as if my mind is telling me that nothing of that was real, but it felt real, and… and… crap, I should hate them! They took you, Sha’re and my parents, everyone I ever loved, away from me, and now… I… even knowing they were an illusion… damn it!“

“What they did to you was cruel and unforgivable, much worse than any physical wound,” Jack stated.

“Sarah knows a lot about me, and Osiris took advantage of it. Accessing her memories, that bastard knew which buttons to push,” Daniel said.

“And the SGC and SG-1 are well known among the Goa’uld,” Jack added. “He had enough intel to trick you effectively.”

"I’m so sorry, baby, so sorry.” Jack took the younger man into his arms again. He hadn’t released all the tears yet. I would take time to heal, but at least the colonel could see the light at the end of the tunnel now. Daniel’s revelation, although painful, had been necessary, and it laid the first stone to his full recovery.

“It hurts, Jack, it hurts, it hurts…! The archaeologist sobbed into his lover's arms. He was feeling as if an invisible fist was squeezing his heart mercilessly.

“Shhh, I’m here, I’m here and everything’s gonna be ok now,” Jack comforted him with gentle strokes on his back and head.

Once the archaeologist calmed down, Jack grabbed his chin and raised his head so he could see those bright electric blue eyes. “Better?”

“Not yet. I just need one more thing.”

And before Jack could ask, Daniel captured his lips in a fervent, almost desperate kiss. Still tingling due to the events of the last minutes, Jack gave himself to the kiss with all his passion. Their tongues entwined, theirs heads tilted in all directions, looking for the perfect angle. Janet had forbidden Daniel to drink coffee, and Jack missed the familiar taste, which had been substituted for the salty savor of tears. Anyway, it didn’t stop the colonel from devouring his lover’s mouth as if tomorrow didn't exist. Only when the lack of air menaced to collapse their lungs did they pull away just a few inches.

“I love you, baby, I missed you so much,” Jack said with emotion.

“I want to try the Tok’ra memory device,” Daniel blurted out.

Jack stared at him for a moment, looking for some shadow of a doubt, and saw none. “Are you sure?” he asked, not convinced that it was a good idea.

“I want to know what happened to me,” the archaeologist stated firmly. “Please, Jack, I just… need it. Besides, I don't know if I revealed something to Osiris. If I did, we could be all in great danger."

Seeing the determination in his lover’s bright sapphire eyes, the colonel nodded. “You have a point. Ok. We’ll try to contact Jacob first thing in the morning.”

“Thank you. I love you, Jack, more than anything.” And he signed his statement with another long and passionate kiss.

That night they made love long and sweet. Daniel’s body was still weakened, but the revelation had awakened most of his old spirit. Every passing minute, he was more convinced that everything had been a hoax orchestrated by Osiris to obtain information about Earth’s defenses. But why come up with such a complex plan? What happened with the old-fashioned way of frying the brain with a ribbon device?

***

The next day they tried to contact Jacob with no luck, and they kept trying during the following days. Daniel finally applied himself to the physiotherapy sessions and his progress was spectacular. One week after his revelation, he didn’t need the wheelchair anymore. He moved around with his crutches and he even could take some steps with no aid. Seeing the change, Hammond talked to the president, who gave his permission to keep SG-1 on stand-down until Daniel’s full recovery.

Jack was at the General’s office discussing the subject when the claxons announcing an unscheduled off-world activation echoed through the base. Both officers hurried up to the control room.

“Chief, what have we got?”

“It’s the Tok’ra code, Sir.”

“Open the iris,” the General ordered without hesitation. “And page Dr. Jackson immediately.”

_“Dr. Jackson to the gate room. Repeat, Dr. Jackson to the gate room.”_

Jack and Hammond went down the stairs and entered the room at the same moment that Jacob appeared through the wormhole.

“George, Jack! What happened? Is everybody ok? Sam? Daniel?” he said as he descended along the metallic ramp.

“Why are you implying something bad happened? Maybe we just wanted to invite you to Thanksgiving,” Jack shrugged as he grinned.

“Welcome, Jacob,” Hammond ignored his second in command. “Something happened indeed, but it’s not what you think. Actually, it’s kind of good news. Ah, Dr. Jackson!” He greeted as he saw Daniel stepping into the room.

“Daniel,” Jacob smiled, seeing the younger man standing on his feet, making use of just a pair of crutches. “I see you’re feeling better.”

“Hi, Jacob, yeah, there have been a few changes recently,” the archaeologist smiled back.

During the week, Daniel had gained some weight, and the color had returned to his cheeks. His spirit had been restored, and it was reflected in his general appearance.

“Let’s talk in the briefing room,” Hammond invited.

***

Janet was also summoned to the meeting. They explained the situation to Jacob, and all together determined that Daniel was fit enough to endure the stress that the memory device would probably cause him. Or maybe it was just that the archaeologist was so adamant in his request, that after everything he had been through, nobody dared to oppose his need. Although after Daniel’s revelation the nightmares had decreased, they continued haunting him almost every night. Besides, there was the matter about the security risk. They scheduled a new meeting in two days. Daniel would have the chance to know what had happened that had almost destroyed his life for good.

***

Two days later, Jacob came back, bringing with him the memory device. Sam and Teal’c offered their support and Daniel accepted it, so all SG-1 plus Janet and Jacob met in one of the ISO rooms. Daniel sat on the bed in a semi-reclined position. If everything Adam had told Jacob was true, the memories that the archaeologist would recover would contain one or several distressful situations, so Janet insisted on monitoring him, so they could stop if things got ugly. They all knew about his relationship with Jack, so as they had done to protect Sam's intimacy time ago, they didn’t use the device to project the images holographically.

Janet attached four electrodes on Daniel’s torso and hooked him to the heart monitor. Then she secured the cuff to register the blood pressure on his upper arm.

“Are you sure you wanna do this?” Jack asked in concern.

“Absolutely. I need to do this. I need to remember how I ended up at Osiris' clutches, and the most important thing, whether I revealed something to him or not.” During those last days, Daniel’s determination had done nothing but increase.

"I'm sure you didn't, Danny," Jack stated. "He would have attacked us by now."

"You don't know that," Daniel frowned.

"No, but anyway, I trust you. No matter what, you would never endanger Earth."

"But the drugs..."

"Never," the colonel insisted.

They locked gazes for a few seconds, and their eyes talked about deep trust and love.

“I'm not taking any risks, do you hear me?” Janet warned. “Any sign of jeopardy and I'll call it off.”

“Ok,” Daniel agreed.

“Jacob?”

“Ok, let’s do this. You know how this technology works. It will show you clear memories of the events as you recall them. Try to concentrate on the day you were captured. You’ll be conscious the whole time, so you'll be able to explain what you see if you wish.

“Ok. I'm ready.”

Jacob took the small metallic disk. Daniel flinched as it pierced his temple. The Tok'ra activated the device with the pen-like controller.

“Concentrate on your last mission. The day Osiris took you,” he reminded the younger man.

Daniel closed his eyes, and everyone held their breath. For a few seconds, nothing happened, and then the archaeologist frowned and his features tensed.

***

_“Take cover!”_

_Five minutes. Five minutes on that planet was all they had needed to come across with trouble. There wasn’t a guarantee that the planet was free from Goa’uld's presence, so they had returned the MALP to the SGC. Scarcely had they started to walk on the trail that led to the temple spotted by the UAV when the Stargate spun. They all hid behind the row of boulders that were aligned along the trail. That wouldn’t provide much cover, but the surrounding vegetation comprised short bushes and there was nowhere else to hide. At least the ground was rocky, and they hadn’t left visible footsteps that could give away their position._

_The Stargate came to life, and two seconds later the first Jaffa stepped through it. Five more followed him. It was difficult to say which Goa’uld they served, as they had different marks on their foreheads. A hooded figure emerged from the event horizon before it disengaged. The arrogance that emanated from their body language was enough to confirm that they were a Goa’uld._

_“Anyone recognizes them?” Jack whispered._

_“I do not, O’Neill,” Teal’c replied._

_“Daniel, ideas?”_

_“No, although there is something familiar in their demeanor,” the archaeologist frowned._

_“Goddammit, what the hell are they doing here?” Jack said in frustration._

_“Obviously there must be something worthy in that temple. A weapon of sorts, maybe?” Sam ventured._

_I believe your assumption might be correct, MajorCarter, Teal’c agreed with her._

_“We have to do something,” Daniel whispered adamantly. “Whatever it is, we can’t allow it to end in the hands of any Goa’uld.”_

_“Do I have to remind you what happened the last time we tried to ambush one of them?” Jack stared at the archaeologist, referring to the day, years ago, when Apophis killed them all except Teal’c, and they came back thanks to the Nox._

_Daniel didn’t bother to answer. The memory was clear in all of them. Watching Jack and Sam die in front of him had been one of the most terrible moments he had lived since he had joined the Stargate Program._

_“I believe we don’t have any other option, O’Neill,” Teal’c stated. “Those boulders aren’t big enough to conceal our presence. We will be spotted as soon as they approach.”_

_The hooded figure, escorted by the Jaffa, would reach their position in a few seconds. Jack needed to make a decision right away._

_“Yeah, you’re right, T,” Jack sighed. “Dammit. Ok, we’ll have more chances if we attack before they see us. Daniel, as soon as we start firing, run to the gate and dial Earth. We’ll cover you. If we can kill all those Jaffa and the Goa’uld, so be it. If not, the safety of you all is my priority. I don’t want any of you to take unnecessary risks, understood?”_

_“Yes, Sir.”_

_Daniel nodded. He really hoped they didn’t repeat the fiasco on the Nox planet. The time for thinking was over. The seven aliens were nearing their position._

_“On three,” Jack whispered. “One, two… three!”_

_Jack, Sam, and Teal’c came out of their hiding and fired the group at will as Daniel ran towards the DHD. The Goa’uld quickly activated their personal shield. Four of the Jaffa fell on the spot, but two of them escaped and hide behind the boulders on the other side of the trail. SG-1 and the two remaining guards crossed fire while the Goa’uld escaped in direction of the temple._

_“Daniel, dial the gate! We'll cover you!” Jack shouted to his lover, who had made it to the DHD._

_The archaeologist leaned over the alien device and pressed the corresponding glyphs. Just after he pressed the central activation button, a plasma bolt from a staff weapon brushed his hair and he hurried to take cover behind the bulky contraption. The familiar kawoosh showed that the gate had opened without a problem. Daniel jabbed his wrist transmitter and sent the code to open the iris._

_“We’re clear!” he shouted at the top of his lungs as he received the green light._

_“Carter, go!” Daniel heard Jack ordering. From his hiding place, the archaeologist fired his beretta towards the two Jaffa. “Sam, I’ll cover you!” he yelled out._

_After a few seconds, Sam appeared from behind the boulders and ran backwards, firing her P90 at the same time. She dove headfirst into the event horizon and disappeared._

_Jack and Teal’c ran along the inner part of the row of boulders, dodging the blasts in the spaces in between, and stopped behind the last rock._

_“Daniel, go!” the colonel shouted._

_Daniel ducked when a new shower of sparks flew over his head. None of the members of SG-1 saw the Jaffa who sneaked from his position behind the boulder and crossed the trail, getting a clear shot at Jack’s position. He fired his staff weapon and hit the colonel on his side. The officer cried out and collapsed unconscious to the ground._

_“Jack!!!” Daniel shouted, horrified the moment he heard his lover’s cry of pain._

_“O'Neill!” Teal'c's powerful voice sounded at the same time._

_Without hesitation, he fired at the Jaffa the moment he made him out. The guard's lifeless body fell backward, a smoky hole in his chest._

_“Teal’c!” Daniel shouted from his position behind the DHD. He couldn’t see his lover clearly from there._

_“O’Neill is severely wounded. We must evacuate him immediately!”_

_There was still one Jaffa alive. Teal’c would be exposed the moment he left his position._

_“Take Jack home! I'll cover you and will come right behind you!”_

_“DanielJackson, this weapon will be more effective for your purpose!” Teal’c said as he threw Jack’s P90 in his direction._

_Daniel caught the weapon and fired in the direction of the hidden Jaffa. He was nimbler with his beretta, but he knew how to use the submachine gun when it was necessary. And right now, it was essential to protect Teal’c as he took Jack home. Teal’c hoisted the colonel into a fireman carry and ran towards the Stargate._

_“Go, Teal’c, go!” Daniel shouted as he started to run backwards towards the gate while protecting his teammates from the deadly shots._

_He sighed in relief as he saw his Jaffa friend and his precious cargo disappearing through the wormhole. He hadn’t had time to check his lover’s condition. All he knew was that he was unconscious and smoke was coming out from his side. Janet would take care of him. He had to be ok, he couldn’t even imagine the alternative. Life without Jack was just inconceivable. One more step and he would be back at the SGC, next to his lover. He'd be ok, he'd be ok, he'd be…_

_Daniel couldn’t finish his thought. Just at the moment that he was ready to step into the wormhole, excruciating pain exploded in his abdomen. In his last glimpse of consciousness, he could feel his legs buckling and his body falling forward. Then everything went black._

_***_

Daniel gasped, and wide opened his eyes in shock. He clutched his belly and began to pant, his eyes glassy and unfocused.

“Turn it off, Jacob, for God’s sake, turn it off!” Jack yelled to the Tok’ra.

He sat on the bed next to his lover and clasped his head while Jacob disconnected the device with the pen-like controller.

“Gentlemen, give me room!” Janet ordered the two men.

Daniel had been tense the whole episode, but his heartbeat and blood pressure, although higher than usual, hadn’t reached dangerous levels. It had been all of a sudden, just before Daniel opened his eyes, that they had spiked perilously.

“Daniel, it’s ok, it was just a memory. You have to breathe, c'mon, deep breaths,” she soothed him.

The archaeologist was shaking, fear written all over his face.

“Daniel, look at me, sweetie, look at me! Colonel, try to calm him down, I'll give him a sedative.”

“No!” Daniel exclaimed. “No sedatives, please, please…” He squeezed his eyes shut as he tried to compose himself. After a couple of minutes, his breathing had evened, and opened his eyes. Jack took his hand, and both men stared at each other.

“He… he killed me, the… the last Jaffa ki-killed me,” he told his lover with haunted eyes.

Sam gasped, and Teal’c grunted.

“Jesus!” Jack pulled his lover into a fierce hug. Daniel clung to him with all his strength. “You don’t need to continue, you hear me? That’s enough.”

“No, Jack, I need to know more, please.” Daniel pulled away and looked at the colonel with pleading eyes.

“Daniel, Adam believed Osiris killed you several times and put you into the sarcophagus. If you get those memories back, it could be very traumatic. It could even put your life in jeopardy. I won’t allow that.” Janet warned him.

“I also believe another attempt wouldn’t be wise, DanielJackson,” Teal’c commented.

“Daniel, please,” Sam added with watery eyes. “You don’t have to go through that again, I hate seeing you suffer, please.”

“They’re right, Danny,” Jacob put in his two cents.

Daniel looked at his friends one by one and saw the deep concern on their faces.

“I'm sorry, it’s just, I need to do this, I need to know more. And there's still the issue about Earth security. Please.” He focused on Jack. “Please, I can handle it, I know I can. Janet will stop it if becomes dangerous. Please, I don’t think the nightmares will stop until I know for sure. I can’t live like this anymore.”

Jack’s heart constricted painfully at the implication of Daniel’s words. Every time Daniel had a nightmare, he got caught in the uncertainty for a while. Even if he said he believed Jack, the colonel suspected his lover wouldn’t regain full confidence until he got back his memories of what had happened. The risk of a relapse existed. Jack tried to push away the image of Daniel sitting in his wheelchair, the smoky gun lying on the wooden floor of his living room. They had told no one about that incident. He stared at Daniel’s sapphire eyes and saw fear on them, but also sheer determination. He checked the walls and confirmed that the cameras were off. He sat on the bed again, leaned forward, and captured Daniel’s lips in a brief kiss. Then he stroked his cheek tenderly.

“You’re the strongest and bravest man I've ever met. I'll be right here, at your side, the entire time, ok?”

Daniel’s eyes were bright with gratitude.

“Sir?” Sam watched the scene in shock.

“Colonel, I must say that this goes against my most sensible advisement,” Janet stated firmly.

“You’re not the one who wakes up almost every night screaming in terror, not knowing who he is anymore. This has to end, and we'll finish it right here, right now. He’s strong, doc, he can handle this.”

Janet held Jack’s deep gaze for a few seconds and surrendered at the resolution revealed in it.

“Alright,” she pursed her lips. “But I am the one who establishes the boundaries of reasonable risk. I say Jacob to stop, and he stops.”

“Ok, fair enough,” Jack sighed. “Daniel?”

“Yeah, ok. Let’s finish this.” He leaned back to rest on the pillow again and closed his eyes.

Jacob activated the memory device again. Like before, nothing happened during the first minute, and then Daniel’s features tensed.

***

_Daniel woke up surrounded by a familiar bright white light, and he instantaneously realized that he was inside a sarcophagus._

_“Oh, crap,” was the first thought that hit his mind._

_He gasped to bring air into his lungs at the same moment that the sliding wings started to open. One second later, the deadly end of a staff weapon pointed at his face._

_Daniel swallowed and sat upright. The Jaffa dragged him off the sarcophagus rather unceremoniously. Then, with a motion of his weapon, he ordered the archaeologist to move. He obeyed without a protest. There wasn’t much he could do. All things considered, any attempt of fighting would be suicide._

_His destination was clear. A few yards away, a couple of shackles attached to chains hung from the ceiling. Two more were affixed to the floor. Two Jaffa were waiting for him. They locked his wrist and ankles while the first Jaffa continued pointing at him with the weapon. Then the three of them left without a word, leaving a very confounded, very uptight, very scared archaeologist alone._

_“Oh, shit, this isn’t good,” Daniel muttered to himself._

_His mind wandered to Jack. The last thing he had seen of his lover was the gaping wound on his side. He hadn’t even been able to check if he was still breathing. If he was dead, then he didn’t really mind what would happen to him. Nononono. He pushed those thoughts away. He couldn’t think like that. Jack would be ok, he would be ok, he would be ok… he needed to cling to that thought to get the strength he would need to endure whatever the Goa’uld’s plans were. By the way, he didn’t even know which one of his enemies was behind his capture. First thing first, he needed to keep his mind cold. What was what Jack always said? If you’re captured and with no chance of escaping, your job is to stay alive and wait for the cavalry. He bowed his head, closed his eyes, concentrated on his breathing, and tried to relax._

_He didn’t know how much time he was left alone, but considering how much his arms and legs hurt from the strain, it surely had been for quite a while. He was sore, hungry, and needed to pee._

_His head lashed up as he heard the sound of the sliding door. A slender figure occupied his field of vision. Daniel’s blood froze in his veins the moment he recognized it._

_Sarah…_

_Daniel felt as if he had been sucker-punched in the gut. Shit, no, of all the possibilities… although that might give him a new opportunity to rescue her. He had failed in the summit. Maybe he would be luckier this time._

_“Sarah, it’s me, Daniel, please, Sarah, I know you can hear me, you have to fight it!”_

_Subjugated to Osiris' control, Sarah ignored him. Her hands rested on her hips and she raised her chin in an arrogant gesture. He walked towards Daniel slowly. Daniel swallowed when he saw she was wearing a ribbon device on her left hand. He wasn’t eager to endure that sort of torture again. He had gone through that enough times, thankyouverymuch._

_“Daniel Jackson,” the Goa’uld said, using Sarah’s voice. Daniel cringed. “Our paths cross again. I'd say that’s beyond coincidence. Oh, I hope you aren’t too uncomfortable, but considering our past experiences, you’ll forgive me if I don’t trust you… much.”_

_“Sarah, please! Fight it, you’re strong, I know you can, fight it, fight it!”_

_She laughed eerily and moved in front of the archaeologist. She traced a line from his forehead to his chin with the metallic tip of her finger. Daniel jerked his head away from the touch and fought against the manacles out of instinct in a futile attempt to free himself. He tried to keep a neutral expression and control his shivers so she didn’t notice how terrified he was. He was totally at her mercy, with no means to fight or to escape. It was unlikely that someone knew where he was, so no chances of being rescued either. He was so screwed…_

_“You’re a fool if you think my host can hear you,” Osiris laughed again._

_“She can, I know she can, you can’t control the host completely!”_

_Osiris quickly used Sarah’s body to backhand him._

_“Ow.” He tasted copper. Osiris 1–lower lip 0._

_“Let’s start with something easy,” Osiris said. ¿What were you doing on that planet?”_

_“Oh, I heard it was a good time of the year for a picnic,” he answered casually._

_Another backhand crossed Daniel’s face again_

_“Ow.” He spat a gob of blood to the floor._

_“Insolent! You will answer my questions or you will suffer greatly!”_

_“You can do with me whatever you want. I won’t tell you shit.” He was proud of how steady his voice sounded._

_"You dare to challenge your god?”_

_“Yeah, well, that’s what we do.” Crap. Where was this false bravado coming from? It would only get him killed faster. He tried to concentrate on Jack’s words. Rule number one: do all you can to stay alive and wait for the rescue. A new backhand cut through his thoughts and left his entire mouth throbbing painfully._

_“You will pay for your insolence.” Osiris scowled at him with glacial eyes. “You will tell me everything about Earth's defenses and the place where you harbor your Chappa'ai.”_

_She raised her left hand, pointed the ribbon device to Daniel’s forehead, and activated it. Excruciating pain exploded inside his head. God, he really, really hated that thing. He wanted to squeeze his eyes shut to soften it, but he couldn’t. His mouth opened involuntarily in a silent scream. He was aware that Osiris was asking him something, but the pain was so intense that his brain couldn’t process the words. Not that he was going to answer, anyway. He felt every muscle of his body tense. He clenched his fists so hard that his nails sank into his palms, spilling blood. He wanted to tell Sarah to listen, to fight it, to stop, but the pain was so intense that he couldn’t make the words out of his mouth. Just when he was ready to pass out, Osiris turned off the device and moved Sarah’s hand away._

_Daniel gasped, his eyes still wide open in shock. His legs buckled, unable to sustain his weight anymore, leaving him hanging only by his already abused arms. Stabbing pain pierced his limbs, and he gasped again. His head fell to his chest, and he stayed like that, panting heavily. God, his head was on fire and his stomach churned. He felt terribly dizzy. A wave of nausea hit him. He felt the bile going up through his esophagus and reaching his mouth. He swallowed compulsively and managed to control the impending vomit._

_“Well, Dr. Jackson. I'll give you a new chance.” Suddenly, Sarah’s eyes glowed, and the guttural growl of the Goa'uld substituted her voice. “Tell me about your Chappa’ai. ¿Where do you keep it? Which are your systems of defense?”_

_Daniel raised his head and stared at the once beloved face. “Go… to… hell,” he grunted through clenched teeth._

_“Oh, no, Dr. Jackson. It is you that will go to hell if you don’t tell me what I want to know.”_

_Osiris lifted Sarah’s hand again, and Daniel’s brain exploded._

_***_

“Jacob, turn it off! Turn it off now!” Janet’s voice rose above Daniel’s grunts. It was obvious that the archaeologist was caught in some sort of distressing memory and monitors had started to pick some dangerous readings.

“Do it, Jacob! Now!” Jack moved closer to his lover, ready to attend to him.

“Dad, please!”

Jacob approached Daniel fast, pen-like controller in hand, but before he had the chance to turn off the memory device, the archaeologist began to shake uncontrollably.

“He’s having a seizure!” Janet exclaimed seriously alarmed. “Hold him! ¡We need to remove that thing now!”

Sam and Teal’c pinned his arms and legs while Jack held his head so Jacob could reach the device. Meanwhile, Janet filled a syringe with five ml. of Valium.

Jacob sneaked his hand through the tangle of limbs and inserted the controller into the device slot and turned it off. With a quick movement, he dislodged it from Daniel’s temple. The archaeologist took a sharp gasp, his back arched one last time and his body stilled, although they all could see slight tremors running through it. A trickle of blood flowed out of his nose.

“¡Doc!” Jack shouted in despair.

Janet was there in a flash, syringe in hand, but she hesitated for a moment when she realized that the seizure had stopped on its own. Actually, Daniel's readings were still altered, but within an acceptable range. She offered the syringe to Sam.

“Hold it”, she said as she grabbed the penlight from her coat upper pocket. “Give me room.”

Jack, Teal’c, and Jacob moved aside. Daniel’s eyes were half opened, and he was breathing in quick gasps. As she pointed the penlight to his pupils, he squeezed his eyes shut to avoid the invasion.

“Daniel, can you hear me? Are you with us?”

The archaeologist nodded weakly. “I’m ok… I’m ok… just… just… gimme… a-a… minute.”

“It’s ok, Danny,” Jack said. “Jacob removed the device, you can rest now.”

Janet made a quick assessment of Daniel’s condition, took a handkerchief from her pocket, and pressed it against Daniel’s nose to stop the bleeding. “It doesn’t appear to be any brain damage,” she said, looking at Jack. His expression told her how much he needed to be reassured about his lover’s condition. “It’s just a regular nosebleed, colonel, nothing to worry about.”

Jack sat on the bed next to the younger man and took his hand. Tears leaked through the archaeologist’s eyelashes. He opened his eyes and stared at his lover.

“Jack, oh, Jack…” his voice cracked.

The colonel pulled him upwards and engulfed him into a hug.

“God, Jack, I remember, I remember everything,” he sobbed on the older man’s shoulder.

“Shhh, it’s over, you’re safe now, it’s over, it’s over,” Jack drew soothing circles on his back.

The rest looked at the scene with a heavy heart. Obviously, the memory recall hadn’t been pleasant. All of them knew how strong Daniel was. Osiris must have done something terrible to leave him in that state, shaking like a leaf and clinging to the colonel to dear life. For the moment, the only thing they could do was comforting him with their presence. After a few minutes, Daniel calmed down and pulled away. He sniffed soundly and swept the tears with the heels of his hands. He took a deep breath and entwined his fingers with Jack’s. He started to talk, his gaze fixed on their hands.

“She… he… had a sarcophagus. I... I remember waking up there after I fell in the battle. “

“Daniel, you don’t need to explain it now,” Janet said softly.

“Janet, I… I need to do this,” he said, his head still bowed. “I need to end with this once and for all. Can I have some water, please?” He lifted his head and looked at the doctor. His eyes were red and puffy, and at that moment it seemed as if they had aged ten years.

Sam was next to the bedside table. She poured some water into a plastic cup and offered it to her friend.

“Thanks, Sam,” he whispered. “Thank you, all of you for your support. I know it hasn’t been easy for any of you either.”

“Our place is always at your side, DanielJackson,” Teal’c said solemnly.

“Thank you, thank you, Teal’c.”

“You’re most welcome, DanielJackson.”

Daniel smiled briefly at his friend's always respectful tone. He drank the water and bowed his head again to continue with his story.

“She… he… tortured me. They… they manacled me and… I couldn’t move, couldn’t fight. At first, he used the hand device. He wanted to know about the Stargate, Earth defenses, stuff like that. I didn’t tell him anything, so he ended up killing me again,” he shrugged.

“Jesus, Danny,” Jack squeezed his fingers. So, Adam, the Tok’ra spy had been right.

Daniel looked at the ceiling and blinked back tears. Then he locked his sapphire eyes with Jack’s chocolate ones. “He had one of those pain-sticks, you know, like that guy who took Cha’ka, Burrock.”

Jack cringed at the information. The experience had been less than pleasant, and that thing had hit him only once.

“Burrock hit the cell bars with it, remember?” Jack nodded. “Well, it has nothing to do when it contacts your skin.” Daniel was so focused on his lover that for a moment he forgot the rest of his friends surrounded him. Otherwise, he would have never confessed what he explained next. “He… he poked my chest, my… my belly, God, my… my testicles…” Fresh tears slid down his cheeks and he squeezed his eyes shut in an attempt to escape the memory.

“Jesus Christ, that son of a bitch!” Jack’s voice broke. His heart hurt immensely for the terrible pain that his lover had had to endure.

“Oh, my God,” both Sam and Janet gasped at the same time.

Daniel blushed when he realized he had talked in front of his friends about the intimate target of the torture.

Jacob muttered something unintelligible, and Teal’c clenched his jaw so hard that his teeth screeched. He had endured that sort of torture himself not so many times ago, and he knew how agonizing it was. And as Apophis’ servant, he had used it to torture his master’s enemies. The enormous amount of pain in his friend’s tone pierced his soul. Somehow it made it more real. He had provoked the same pain in uncountable creatures around the galaxy, and he would never forgive himself for that.

“He… he killed me again,” Daniel grimaced to the memory. He opened his eyes and stared at Jack again.“After the sixth time, he… he realized that torture wouldn’t make me talk, so I guess he decided to try a different approach.” He let out a sound between a chuckle and a sob.

“Dan-ny…” was all Jack’s tightened throat allowed him to say.

“My God, Daniel…” he heard Sam whisper with a strained voice. She, like Janet, was on the verge of tears.

“They dumped me to a cell. I guess that’s when they started drugging me to the gills because the next thing I remember is waking up in the hospital room as David Miller.”

Jack cupped his lover’s jaw and brushed his damp cheek tenderly. His gaze talked of sorrow and anger, but also of deep love and gratitude that Daniel had survived his ordeal after all. The colonel felt his own tears escaping the corner of his eyes and buried his face in the hollow of his lover’s neck. The younger man held him tightly, and they stayed like that, taking comfort in each other’s embrace.

“For my part, I feel obligated to ask you once more for forgiveness, DanielJackson,” Teal’c’s baritone voice sounded one octave higher than usual. He felt guilty for all the pain his friend had had to suffer.

Daniel looked at his friend without breaking contact with his lover. He frowned in confusion. “Nothing of this was your fault, Teal’c.”

“I must differ, Danieljackson. I failed in my duty of protecting you and O’Neill. I should have noticed that the Jaffa had crossed the line, a fact that allowed him to fire his weapon. Furthermore, in my action of saving O’Neill, I left you behind.”

“Teal’c, there was nothing you could do. It was bad luck that I was hit just before stepping through the wormhole.” Daniel stared at his friend, dumbfounded.

“I should have thought of another strategy. Maybe I should have left you to carry O’Neill while I protected you both.”

Jack broke the embrace with his partner and joined the talk. “Daniel is right, T, it wasn’t your fault, it was mine. I should have seen that Jaffa reaching our position.”

Daniel looked from Teal’c to Jack and at Teal’c again, open-mouthed stunned. “Please, stop, both of you, it was just another mission gone wrong, it’s no one's fault.”

“You’re distressing my patient,” Janet interrupted. “It’s obvious it was no one’s fault, so stop right now or I’ll kick you both out of my infirmary, is that clear?”

Both Jack and Teal’c bowed their head at Janet’s threatening tone.

“In fact, c’mon, everybody out, Daniel needs to rest for a while.” Janet shooed everyone with her hands. “Colonel, you can stay, but only if you promise me you’ll stop with your guilt trip“, her voice softened, “I’d like to monitor your vitals for a few minutes more, ok? To be sure that everything is fine. Then I’ll let you go home.”

Daniel thanked them all for their support and they all said their goodbyes. They left Daniel and Jack alone in the room.

Jack carded his lover’s hair with his fingers lovingly.

“I'm so, so sorry you had to go through that, baby,” he said softly.

“The worst part was not knowing if you were still alive.” Daniel's face crumpled in anguish. “When Teal’c grabbed you and I saw your jacket soaked with blood… I wasn’t even sure if you were breathing. And then, when they told me you didn’t even exist…”

“Hey, hey, it’s over.” Jack moved closer and rested his forehead on Daniel’s. “You know the whole truth now.”

“Yeah. And I didn't tell him anything about Earth, I'm sure of it. God, Jack, he knew so much about me, thanks to Sarah’s memories. He played with all my vulnerabilities… my longing for my parents, my recurrent feelings of loneliness, the failures in my work…”

“I’m so sorry, baby,” Jack brushed his lips with his lover’s. “But it’s gonna be ok now, I’ll take care of it. We’ll make new memories and those ones will fade away.”

Daniel nodded. “I know, I know. Eventually.”

“Yes, they will,” the older man agreed. “But this, you and I, this will last forever.”

He captured his lover’s lips in a long and gentle kiss, and for the first time in six months, Daniel felt one hundred percent confident that he was where he belonged, into Jack’s strong and gentle arms.

“I love you, Jack, so much, much more than I ever thought possible to love someone.”

“I love you too, baby, now and forever.”

***


	9. Epilogue

**Two months later**

“Where the hell is he?” Jack looked at his watch and tapped his foot nervously. “We were supposed to depart ten minutes ago.”

“Well, you know Daniel, Sir, he needs to make sure he packs everything he needs. The UAV indicated the temple is six miles from the gate. Is not that he'll be able to come back right away if he forgets something,” Sam grinned.

It was their first mission after Daniel’s ordeal. Once he had recovered his memories, his physical and mental improvement had been spectacular. Jack devoted himself to his partner’s recovery. The archaeologist had regained all his strength and spirit and was more than eager to explore the Minoan temple the UAV had shown in its exploration, the first one they found after they came across Tuplo’s people five years ago.

Daniel appeared dragging what looked like a quite heavy backpack.

“You’re late,” Jack tried to sound stern.

Daniel, of course, didn’t buy the act. “Jack, are you going to whine for just… what, five minutes?”

“I’m a colonel, I don’t whine.”

“Yes, you do.”

“Don’t. “

“Do.”

“Don’t. “

“Do.”

“Don’t. And it wasn’t five minutes, it was ten, going to fifteen now.”

Sam grinned widely. Even Teal’c's lips curved upright in amusement.

“What?!” Jack and Daniel said in unison.

“Nothing, Sir. It’s just… it’s good to have you both back.”

“Indeed,” Teal’c's smiled widened.

Jack looked at his partner and smiled fondly.

“Ready, Danny-boy?”

“As I'll ever be,” Daniel’s face lit up.

Hammond gave the order and the Stargate kawooshed. Jack patted his lover’s shoulder and kept his hand there while they walked along the ramp. They stopped briefly in front of the event horizon. Jack looked at the younger man and squeezed his shoulder slightly.

“Are you gonna be alright?”

“Yes, Jack, I'll be alright. And everything thanks to you. I don’t know if I have thanked you enough.”

“Does that spectacular blowjob you rewarded me with the other day in the shower count?” Jack whispered into the archaeologist’s ear.

“Jaaaaaaaack."

“Look who's whining now.” The colonel grinned and ruffled the archaeologist's hair.

Daniel rolled his eyes and stepped through the shimmering pool towards a new adventure, the man he trusted and loved more than anything right at his side.

**The end**


End file.
